Rough Transition

Parker has been back for two weeks now - the great news: we finally slept together and it was G-O-O-D, good! (Thank g-o-d); the bad news: it's been a bit of an anxiety ridden couple weeks.

I don't quite know how to explain it, but a couple days before he got back, I could start to sense a switch being flipped. It was like a this-was-all-exciting-and make-believe-because-I-was-leaving-for-a-few-weeks-to-traverse-the-globe-but-holy-crap-now-that-I-am-coming-home-and-have-to-get-back-to-everyday-life-this-sh*t-is-about-to-get-real-and-I'm-freaking-out-right-now switch. Ya know, that one. ;-)

It started when he told me that our plans for the day he got back would have to be shuffled around because he had to help a friend move. Yeah...so rather than spending the whole day together and ripping off each other's clothes, per the original plan, he opted to move a couch, a bed, and a bunch of boxes while jetlagged? Hmmmm...

Then, he suggested we spend the day together on Friday - so we took a drive up the coast, went wine tasting and ended up at the LACMA. It was an incredibly romantic day...one I assumed would end with us finally having sex. (Side note: we did revisit "the talk" about once we slept together neither of us would be seeing anyone else, which he was totally on-board with both before and now). So, what happened? He said he had a birthday party to go to that night. Not only did he insist on going, he didn't invite me. Wtf?!?

He earned back some points when I saw him the next time...he came over to my place and cooked me an elaborate meal and....drumroll, please...this was when we did the deed for the first (ahem, first three) times. But, he left early in the morning and AGAIN I didn't see him for the rest of the week and he didn't include me in ANY of his weekend plans.

I had finally had enough on Friday night when he sent me a text around midnight after he was clearly done with whatever his plans were that evening...(it's not even like he asked me to come over either).

Him: Hey!

Me: Hey

How are you?

Fine, you?

Good. I'm headed home from dinner and drinks with my friend Matt and our friends Sophie, her husband and our other friend who you'll meet on Sunday.

Get home safe

I didn't drive, so I'll be fine ;-) Did you just stay in tonight?

Yep.

Are you okay?

Yep.

Okay, just checking. You are being very "short" tonight.

I know, sorry.

Let's talk tomorrow.

So, I did it, yes in a very passive agressive way, but I had to be "that girl" and lay the "let's talk" on him. Even though he didn't really get that's what I was saying. He did, however understand that I was losing patience with his seeming lack of interest in seeing me often. Even my guy friends have started making fun of me for being his "weekday" girl. Since one of the ways you know a guy is really into you is when he gives you his weekends...

The next morning I suggested we meet for breakfast. He even offered to cancel his plans that afternoon, (Hello! Lightbulb moment!) but of course I didn't let him do that. I told him that there was clearly a disconnect because I know what my expectations are but I have no idea what his are. He basically said that right now he only has 2 days a week to give. Aca-scuse me? Did I hear that right? 2 days a week? I thought we were in an exclusive relationship... But that we should communicate and I should let him know if that wasn't working for me. I told him that is what I was doing right now. He said he would try harder - and that's really all I could ask at that point since it was the first time I said anything since I had gotten back.

Fast-forward to that night: I was going out in Santa Monica with some friends and he was going out to dinner. I asked if they were going out after dinner, he said yes, and I said that maybe we could try to meet up. He said he would let me know where they went. At about 11:15 he told me he was pretty tired and probably going to head home. I asked him if he just wanted to meet us for a drink, he passed. (Side note: the next day he told me he had actually slept through dinner, and by the time I talked to him he was only going to meet up with his people to go out. He had actually gone to a swanky bar called 3110 for a bit before he went home. So yeah, the night before he had bascially completely lied to me...just so he didn't have to meet me out? Naturally I did not make a big deal out of it). Chance #1 to show me you heard anything that I was saying: BLOWN.

We had a great time together on Sunday - he took me to a concert and I stayed over at his place.

Last night, we were texting and I wanted to see what he was up to tonight. I knew almost immediately when I saw the "dot-dot-dot" for a couple minutes on iMessage, that he was going to have an elaborate excuse for why he didn't have time to see me; I was right. Tonight he has plans to hang out with the ex-gf. If my stomach wasn't all up in knots about it, I would be laughing because it's so ridiculous. He said it's because she hasn't seen the dog since he got back (ya know, the one she watched for 3 1/2 weeks while he was gone) and that they haven't really gotten a chance to hang out since he's been back (ya know, except for every week in the league they play in together, and likely at a couple of those birthday parties he didn't invite me to...oh yeah, and the race they're running in together this weekend). All I said was "Gotcha, cool."

He tried to get me to come have lunch with him today, but I didn't bite. (Haha, pun not intended). I'm just really starting to think that he's the type of guy that can't handle anything that's not entirely on his terms. Like, he only wants me to exist when it's convenient for him. That's not good.

So, that's it. You're all caught up. I don't even know what else to say about it all...except that even my mom says I should be seeing other people. She was like - "When I was dating, the guys who really liked me couldn't wait to see me again," and she thinks that being in an exclusive relationship with a guy who only wants to see me 2 days a week is ridiculous. I think I agree.

Rights & Responsibilities

Parker's birthday is going to fall on one of the days that he is going to be out of town - so it would make sense that he would want to celebrate it before he left, right? I would think so.

Here's the thing...as far as he thinks I know, he hasn't planned anything.

He has an older brother who lives here that he told me he doesn't see very often since they are so different. (His brother is very "Hollywood" and he, as we know, is a teacher). I told him I thought that was kind of sad (he said it really disappoints his mom too - SIDE NOTE: opportunity for future Brownie Points with Parker's mom if I get them to spend more time together :-), but that they have been better lately and have seen each other at least once a month recently and that "I am going to see him again next week at my..." and then he trailed of and said "I mean, I am going to see him before I leave."

So, what do I think he was going to say? I think he was going to say, "...at my Birthday Party." And that meant 1) That I am clearly not invited and 2) That he was lying to me about it.

But that was our second date - and since then we have talked every day - we say good morning and goodnight to each other, have been out 2 more times, have gotten naked, are going to again tonight ;-), and you should see the drunk texts I got from him this weekend...so you would think things might have changed.

But they haven't, and the birthday party evidence keeps piling up...

He originally told me he was going to a birthday dinner with his brother and his wife tonight and then his "buddies" were going to take him out tomorrow. So he planned to come over tonight after dinner, because he really wanted to see me before he left (he didn't invite me to dinner, obviously). So making casual conversation last night, I asked them where they were going to dinner and he told me he canceled because it was his friend's birthday and he had to go to that instead. Excuse me, what? I was totally willing to play second fiddle to brother and I also understood why it would be weird if I was included in dinner, but why am I waiting around for you to go to a birthday party? And why can't I go with you to that?

So I asked him if his brother and his wife were upset that he canceled and he said no, he was just going to see them the next night. I asked, "Oh, I thought that was boys night." And he said, "Oh... they're just going to stop by for a bit." Yeah, they.

And that's when I knew for sure - "Boys night" is not boys night it's his plain ol' birthday party. (As I originally suspected). I actually don't think he was ever planning to go to a separate dinner with his brother - I think he just freaked out and had to tell me something and then had to revise his lie later. I'm not even mad, I just feel sad and a little stupid. I also feel even worse because I had planned a little something for him tonight and now I am not sure what I should do...I don't want to put myself out there any more that I already have.

I mean, it sucks to not be included. But it sucks even more to be lied to. (I will say, that knowing Parker, I don't think he is lying to be malicious, I think he is lying to protect my feelings...but I'm not dumb and figured out that he's having a party and that hurts - plus he has a billion friends, I can't imagine them letting him get away with not celebrating). I think I would feel less bad if he just told me about it and explained why he decided not to invite me - like maybe his ex is hosting and it would make her feel uncomfortable. As annoying as that would be, at least that would make sense. Or maybe he just thinks it's too soon; that would sting a little but at least it would be honest and then I would know for sure where I stand.

What do y'all think? Do I have a right to be upset about not being invited to his party? And if I'm not even included in his birthday plans should I take on the responsibility of making our own little celebration or should I forget to give him the present I bought?

I think I am just going to ask him about it tonight...