Rough Transition

Parker has been back for two weeks now - the great news: we finally slept together and it was G-O-O-D, good! (Thank g-o-d); the bad news: it's been a bit of an anxiety ridden couple weeks.

I don't quite know how to explain it, but a couple days before he got back, I could start to sense a switch being flipped. It was like a this-was-all-exciting-and make-believe-because-I-was-leaving-for-a-few-weeks-to-traverse-the-globe-but-holy-crap-now-that-I-am-coming-home-and-have-to-get-back-to-everyday-life-this-sh*t-is-about-to-get-real-and-I'm-freaking-out-right-now switch. Ya know, that one. ;-)

It started when he told me that our plans for the day he got back would have to be shuffled around because he had to help a friend move. Yeah...so rather than spending the whole day together and ripping off each other's clothes, per the original plan, he opted to move a couch, a bed, and a bunch of boxes while jetlagged? Hmmmm...

Then, he suggested we spend the day together on Friday - so we took a drive up the coast, went wine tasting and ended up at the LACMA. It was an incredibly romantic day...one I assumed would end with us finally having sex. (Side note: we did revisit "the talk" about once we slept together neither of us would be seeing anyone else, which he was totally on-board with both before and now). So, what happened? He said he had a birthday party to go to that night. Not only did he insist on going, he didn't invite me. Wtf?!?

He earned back some points when I saw him the next time...he came over to my place and cooked me an elaborate meal and....drumroll, please...this was when we did the deed for the first (ahem, first three) times. But, he left early in the morning and AGAIN I didn't see him for the rest of the week and he didn't include me in ANY of his weekend plans.

I had finally had enough on Friday night when he sent me a text around midnight after he was clearly done with whatever his plans were that evening...(it's not even like he asked me to come over either).

Him: Hey!

Me: Hey

How are you?

Fine, you?

Good. I'm headed home from dinner and drinks with my friend Matt and our friends Sophie, her husband and our other friend who you'll meet on Sunday.

Get home safe

I didn't drive, so I'll be fine ;-) Did you just stay in tonight?

Yep.

Are you okay?

Yep.

Okay, just checking. You are being very "short" tonight.

I know, sorry.

Let's talk tomorrow.

So, I did it, yes in a very passive agressive way, but I had to be "that girl" and lay the "let's talk" on him. Even though he didn't really get that's what I was saying. He did, however understand that I was losing patience with his seeming lack of interest in seeing me often. Even my guy friends have started making fun of me for being his "weekday" girl. Since one of the ways you know a guy is really into you is when he gives you his weekends...

The next morning I suggested we meet for breakfast. He even offered to cancel his plans that afternoon, (Hello! Lightbulb moment!) but of course I didn't let him do that. I told him that there was clearly a disconnect because I know what my expectations are but I have no idea what his are. He basically said that right now he only has 2 days a week to give. Aca-scuse me? Did I hear that right? 2 days a week? I thought we were in an exclusive relationship... But that we should communicate and I should let him know if that wasn't working for me. I told him that is what I was doing right now. He said he would try harder - and that's really all I could ask at that point since it was the first time I said anything since I had gotten back.

Fast-forward to that night: I was going out in Santa Monica with some friends and he was going out to dinner. I asked if they were going out after dinner, he said yes, and I said that maybe we could try to meet up. He said he would let me know where they went. At about 11:15 he told me he was pretty tired and probably going to head home. I asked him if he just wanted to meet us for a drink, he passed. (Side note: the next day he told me he had actually slept through dinner, and by the time I talked to him he was only going to meet up with his people to go out. He had actually gone to a swanky bar called 3110 for a bit before he went home. So yeah, the night before he had bascially completely lied to me...just so he didn't have to meet me out? Naturally I did not make a big deal out of it). Chance #1 to show me you heard anything that I was saying: BLOWN.

We had a great time together on Sunday - he took me to a concert and I stayed over at his place.

Last night, we were texting and I wanted to see what he was up to tonight. I knew almost immediately when I saw the "dot-dot-dot" for a couple minutes on iMessage, that he was going to have an elaborate excuse for why he didn't have time to see me; I was right. Tonight he has plans to hang out with the ex-gf. If my stomach wasn't all up in knots about it, I would be laughing because it's so ridiculous. He said it's because she hasn't seen the dog since he got back (ya know, the one she watched for 3 1/2 weeks while he was gone) and that they haven't really gotten a chance to hang out since he's been back (ya know, except for every week in the league they play in together, and likely at a couple of those birthday parties he didn't invite me to...oh yeah, and the race they're running in together this weekend). All I said was "Gotcha, cool."

He tried to get me to come have lunch with him today, but I didn't bite. (Haha, pun not intended). I'm just really starting to think that he's the type of guy that can't handle anything that's not entirely on his terms. Like, he only wants me to exist when it's convenient for him. That's not good.

So, that's it. You're all caught up. I don't even know what else to say about it all...except that even my mom says I should be seeing other people. She was like - "When I was dating, the guys who really liked me couldn't wait to see me again," and she thinks that being in an exclusive relationship with a guy who only wants to see me 2 days a week is ridiculous. I think I agree.

How Close is Too Close?

Remember how I mentioned that Parker's ex was still in his life? Remember how I said I was a little threatened by it, but he said he had no intention of getting back with her and that it made me feel better but I still couldn't help but be threatened? Yeah...

So - he's in a different country and our communication is very limited. We talk every so often and he tells me he is missing me which I appreciate so much, because I miss him too...and that makes me feel really special. These are all good things.

BUT, here's the bad thing I can't really get out of my head...I'm pretty sure he's talking to his ex too, which makes me feel unspecial. The only reason I suspect this is because she is looking after his dog, and I know that I would be in communication with the person looking after my dog - OR, if I were her and still had feelings for him (which woman's intuition tells me is the case, especially based on the specific details of their breakup story) I would be using the whole dog-thing as an excuse to talk to him while he's away too. (Good move, ex-gf, good move. If you weren't my competition, I would have mad respect for your tactics).

1. I mean first and foremost, she's watching his freakin' dog! Come on. That's kind of ridiculous, considering he has a roommate. But, okay, a dog is a living being that needs to be cared for and he knows she cares second only to him at thins point, so I get it from a "parental perspective." (If this continues to happen once he and I make it official, we might have problems).

2. Also, he just helped her move despite the fact that she is supposedly seeing a new guy. Hmmm...curious. If you had a new man, why would your ex-man be the one to help you move? Don't think too long...the answer is, he wouldn't. Friends or not.

3. Thirdly, and this is totally nit-picky but kinda bothered me. I went out of my way to post a really cute message on his Facebook wall at midnight on his birthday despite the time difference - and he "liked" it. (Yay!) Then when all the hundreds, yes hundreds, of other messages came rolling in on U.S. time he didn't "like" or reply to any of them, so I was super flattered. Except one. Ex-gf's message. He "liked" hers too. (Not yay. Unyay).

He was very upfront with me about their continued friendship - and I get that a 3+ year relationship creates a strong bond that doesn't go away just because the romance does, especially because they stayed in each other's lives. But now, in thinking back to our conversation about them, he said to me, "we realized we're better off as 'best friends.'" He didn't say regular friends, he said "best." The thing is, whether it ends up being Parker or not, I want my lover to be my best friend. So regardless of if there is any continued romantic interest between the two of them - if she still occupies that space in his life, the best friend space, then what space does that leave for him to build that with someone else? Namely, me?...

So far he has been saying and doing all the right things, but these days that is pretty easy from the other side of  the world. So, he is going to be moving about a week after he gets back from his trip. For me, I think a big indicator will be if he asks me to help him move, if he asks her or if he asks both of us. If he asks me, then he is as serious about me as he says he is. If he asks her, there is "trouble in River City" (as my mom used to say) and I will probably have to say something analagous to what I wrote above about the whole If she occupies your "best friend space," then what space is there for someone else? And if he asks both of us and we get to meet, I will definitely know they are in the friend zone (from his side). But, see item #2 above...it would be kinda weird, right? (I'll also get to see if my suspicions are true about her still having feelings for him and if she is actually nice to me. He insists she will be...mm hm -- that's my skeptical mm hm. Nice = friend zone, Fake-Nice or Straight Bitchy = still in love). Only 30 more days until I find out....