Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Another Text Message Blow-Off Guy.

One would think that one heart wrenching TMBOG would be enough to last a lifetime but noooo, I had to have two of them! And strangely enough they were both what drove me to write and then pick back up this blog. So interesting!

A couple days ago in my post explaining where I have been for the past two and a half years, I mentioned this supposedly great guy that I had been talking to for a couple months. Well, we had just had this amazing date - only our third - despite having been talking for so long, but it had seriously been going great and it wasn't just in my head, I swear. Again, with the third date curse for the TMBOG.

We had gone out on a Wednesday and he was headed out of town for the weekend but he said he wanted to see me again soon, so we had made plans for Sunday night. I suggested he come over to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. We had been talking about it at dinner.

On Friday he sent me a text that he was really excited about seeing me on Sunday (so cute!) and what should he bring? Wine? Dessert?

Immediately, I started thinking, Oh, crap! Does he think I invited him over for dinner? Dinner had not been my intention but rather than obsess about it, I just asked him what time he was getting back to town and if I should make dinner too. He said he would be back late afternoon and certainly didn't expect me to make him dinner but would gladly accept. A great answer, which of course meant I was happy to cook him dinner - so I told him to bring desert.

I now realize Date #3 is WAY TOO SOON for the "cooking dinner for a guy" date, even though it kind of happened organically and accidentally...but I digress and foreshadow...

He came over around 7 - I had some snacks on the coffee table and we opened a nice bottle of red wine that I had around the house. I had prepared dinner to the point that it would only take 20 minutes to finish so we hung out, snacked, talked and then I finished dinner relatively quickly when we started to get hungry. (For the record: I made a Mediterranean Pasta with artichoke hearts, sun dried tomatoes, olives, roasted red peppers, and parmesan cheese with mustard chicken and Greek Salad - honestly, not a huge effort, I like to cook).

As it had been since the moment we started talking, the whole evening was so comfortable (even when we broke one of my wine glasses) we had great conversation, no awkward moments and just a generally amazing time. We ate around 8:30, tuned into GOT at our leisure (thank you DVR), and when it was over, we finished off the bottle of wine and eventually got frisky(!). So freakin' fun. He was an incredible kisser and I know that I was not imagining our chemistry.

At one point he said to me... "I am really trying to be good here."
I said, "I appreciate that...we'll have time to be bad another night."
Then he said, "Then I should probably go before I take off my pants."
To which we both started laughing. Cute, right?
We kissed some more... (and ya know, some other mostly PG-Rated stuff). But it did not go further than that, because I'm a lady!

When he left he kissed me and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, let's do something on Thursday or Friday." A-MAZ-ING! :-)

He did not call me tomorrow.

Instead, two days later I got this (and I quote):
Hey there. So I've been giving this some thought and the truth is, I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm beginning to think that I signed up for [online dating] as a distraction more than anything. So far, you are the only person I have gone out with more than once and as things have progressed, I've realized that it is disingenuous for me to continue. I don't want to lead you on or waste your time. You are really cool girl and I like you a lot, but frankly, my life is at a crossroads and I need to do some soul-searching before I can really be intimately involved with anyone. I'm sure this comes as a surprise and I apologize for that. If you want to have a conversation I'm available to do so later this evening. Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't. I'm truly sorry for wasting your time. -TMBOG2

WTMEF!?!? (What-the-Mother-Effing-F**k!?!?)

Whew, where do I even start? First, let me just say, I didn't even bother to respond. Which was hopefully infuriating or at least unsettling for him.

Now let's take a stab at dissecting this note that puts the "mess" in text message, shall we?

Here's my ("he's a total a**hole") interpretation:
I'm not looking for something serious - I only signed up for online dating to get laid and usually that happens right away, but at most I didn't think it would take this long. Since you haven't slept with me by now, I am not willing to put in any more effort. I liked hanging out with you enough to stick it out until now, but you are clearly looking for a relationship and I don't want one, or at least not with you. Even though I told you I was ready for a relationship, I was lying...to get laid. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, that I'm not sorry. (and when you sign your name, that pretty much means Sayonara forever.)

Here's my ("giving him the benefit of the doubt") interpretation:
I think you might more into me than I am into you, and I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a relationship so quickly with anyone, or with you. I'm a little freaked out and I don't want to be a bad guy so rather than talk about it, I am just going to feed you a bunch of BS about soul-searching and end things now so no one gets hurt. But if you want to talk about it, we can.

The couple things in his original message that really kill me are:
1. "You are a really cool girl and I like you a lot" - why bother telling me he likes me a lot?  Cool, I liked you a lot too, fat-lotta-good that does me now. It is so confusing to me why guys do that... I don't care that you like me anymore. Do they honestly think it will soften the blow? It doesn't, it doesn't make anyone feel better if the overall message is still "goodbye."
2. "If you want to have a conversation I am available to do so..." - What do you mean, if I want to have a conversation? Wouldn't that make me really pathetic? (Yes). You just sent me an epic text telling me you don't want to see me anymore, what do I have to talk to you about? I'm certainly not going to try to change your mind...I have long-standing policy against convincing men to be with me (My Ex, unfortunately, excluded).
3. "Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't." - Well, I wouldn't have thought I did anything wrong until you went out of your way to say that, and now I know I did something wrong and I know what that "something" was. I showed him that I was excited about him too early on. I know that I didn't overtly come on too strong, but it was just the care I took in making dinner and "entertaining" in my home, in general. In how effortlessly and smoothly the night went, he saw how interested I am in something long-term and he freaked, plain and simple. Lesson learned - the hard way. :-(

I told you that I didn't reply, but here is what I wish I would have sent back:
TMBOG2, It would have been nice if you had been the one who wanted to have a conversation about this prior to sending me a text message soliloquy. From what you wrote though, I gather that you have no interest in ever seeing me again, so at this point it doesn't seem that we have anything to discuss. Best, Penny
Okay, enough obsessing. I am actually mostly over it since it happened a couple weeks ago, but hadn't yet put pen to paper about it until today.

Stay tuned tomorrow for another Dating Bender post!

1 comment:

  1. I honestly don't think cooking on the third date is too soon. My bf cooked for me on his second date, and honestly that night is what sealed the deal to our relationship (granted the first and second date was 3 weeks apart with lots of texting in between due to life getting in the way). I think it just depends on the people involved that determines when cooking for a date is too soon.

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