When Being Single Is Fun

So I went out on Friday night with a bunch of my former classmates - we all met at a restaurant on the westside and then decided to do a little barhopping post sushi and sake-bombing.

Immediately when I walked into the bar and made my way over to the group I noticed a very cute, very tall gentleman and decided to strike up a conversation. He was from New Zealand and was very impressed that I was able to guess his accent. He was there with 3 of his very cute friends. We all spent the evening playing giant Jenga, drinking and dancing, and eventually decided to get some late night food. (I simply can not resist diners or texmex late at night - we ate the former).

So...one of Mr. Kiwi's friends was very, very cute...and much more my type. I don't know if it was something abour Mr. Kiwi holding him back or maybe he noticed me sneaking glances at his friend - but he KEPT asking me what I thought of his friend, Penn. (Oh yes, Penn and Penny, I can hear the jokes being written now). I asked why he was so curious and pushing his friend on me - if maybe he had a girlfriend, or wasn't interested - but he never gave me a straight answer... So when it came time to decide whether I was going to go eat, I played a little switcheroo game. (hehe ;-). I told Penn that Mr. Kiwi kept saying I should be interested in him and asking me what I thought of him and I was curious why that was... this, of course, immediately sparked Penn's interest in me and he insisted we go to the diner. He also walked the 10 blocks with me while the rest of the group drove over.

During our walk we talked a bit about family and business - and just generally had a really nice conversation. Right before we got to the diner he stopped me and kissed me very sweetly and asked if he could get my number before we rejoined the group. I gave it to him (naturally). Fast forward to the end of the night and Mr. Kiwi walked me back to my car and kissed me goodnight too! (Color me the kissing slut of the weekend). When I got home, it was Penn who had sent a text making sure I had gotten home okay. (As you may know from previous posts, this is something I really like when men do). I told him I did.

On Saturday - my friend Zooey invited me over to her apartment to "hang out." When I walked in, it became immediately obvious to me that it was a set-up because there was a very attractive man sitting in the living room drinking wine with Zooey's boyfriend Brandon. (Over the years, I have dated several guys with his same name, so let's just call him, Number 8). Well - Number 8 and I got along swimmingly. After killing a bottle of wine, we all decided to go get more drinks at a fancy hotel in Beverly Hills called the SLS. (We may or may not have also added some more earthy-type drugs to the evening's festivities, maybe...). Fast forward to Number 8 and I having a slumber party on the living room floor of Zooey and Brandon's apartment and staying up until dawn talking and laughing - and getting a bit heavy. (i.e. he is still not over his ex of 1 year who broke up with him "out of the blue" 3 months ago - I knew all this, but it was nice that he told me).

Later in the day, Number 8 invited me over to his place to hang out and have a chill night, since our previous night was slightly less than chill.  I ended up staying over at his place and we walked and got coffee in the morning - he even respected my wanting to move slowly physically. Everything went really well until one of his dogs bit my dog. He was mortified and I tried not to make him feel bad - but it will be a looong time until I want to bring my baby around his again. If ever.

Then, last night, I got a text from my friend Kenny. I don't think I have mentioned Kenny before and he definitely deserves his own post - but he has been, and is, such a great support-system-slash-brother-type-slash-emotional-boyfriend-slash-occacional-hookup.  (That last part is something that only happened the first night we met - and post-Parker in a moment of vulnerability). But he told me he missed me. And I liked it because I haven't seen him in two weeks and I miss him too. It's nice to know someone is thinking about me - and I like the honestly.

I almost forgot that attention from a bunch of different guys can feel pretty good and this whole dating thing doesn't have to be so serious all the time.

Please, Don't Say This To Me

Sometimes when I talk about what it's like to be "out there" in the dating scene, in LA in particular, or being single, in general, people try to offer me their sage words of wisdom. For the most part, I appreciate it because I obviously wouldn't be talking to them if I didn't have at least some amount of respect for them - but lately I feel as though their advice is getting a little repetitive and borderline insensitive. Here are some of the tidbits I could do without ever hearing again...

• "Focus On Yourself" - Um, what do you think I have been doing for the past 20-some-odd years of my life? I have a freakin' master's degree, a badass apartment with non-Ikea, grown-up furniture, I own my car, I workout regularly, I can cook, I have managed to keep a dog alive for over 5 years (and she's well-trained too, btw), I have good taste in music...what else about myself should I focus on? I mean, I guess I could lose those last 5 vanity pounds, but can't everyone really? And who wants to date a girl who refuses to eat a burger or drink beer? - I don't even want to date someone who wants to date someone like that... And life's too short... so what's left? 

• "Don't Settle For Just Anyone (Wait For the Right One)" - Obviously I am not going to settle. I have waited this long, looked that hard, kissed too many frogs, what's a little more waiting, looking and kissing? But, at this point I know what I want, so I am better at vetting potential suitors and they stopped getting through the door a long time ago if they were candidates I would be settling for. So I'm probably going to get super excited about the new guy I'm dating and the next one I date and I'll want to get serious right away - it doesn't mean I'm lonely and ready to "settle" it just means I'm ready.

• "Stop Looking (That's When You'll Find Him)" - This is the most infuriating one. I'd like to go down to the unemployment office and pitch this one to them as their new slogan..."Hey y'all, you should just start telling people to stop looking for work and a job will fall in their lap!...ATTENTION EVERYONE! Just go home...you are wasting your time here, because it's only once you stop looking, that you'll get what you need." I'll tell you what would happen, I would be propmptly escorted off the premisis because this concept is preposterous. Preposterous, I tell you!

In case you are wondering...here are the things you should say to me when I am complaining to you about being single and how hard it is to meet a guy:

• You are amazing. You know it, I know it - and the right guy for you is going to know it too.
• Don't worry you'll find him; you could meet him tomorrow...
• Hey, I have a friend I can set you up with! (Caution: do not do this unless said friend is tall, handsome and actually a good match - just because we're both single doesn't mean it's going to work).

...just sayin'

A Departure and My Return

Sorry I've been MIA - I needed a little bit of a break...plus now with the dating bender suspended indefinitely, my life is just not interesting enough to entertain y'all with new stories every day. ;-)

I know I said I was going to try to keep dating, particularly once Parker had left on his trip...but it is really hard to care about meeting up with someone who I know is not going to be 1/10th as awesome as the guy I am seeing - and the one dating site that I still have my profile on really sucks! (Oh, did I mention that Parker took down his profile too!?!) :-D

I think I am just a monagomous person by nature - which I was trying to change with the whole dating bender thing, but I guess you can't escape your nature...I really hope this doesn't come back to bite me in the a**. Then again, I guess I can just date bend again.

That being said...I'm back now, and here's what's been going on since I last posted:

Last I left you, I was feeling a bit anxious about Parker not inviting me to his (potential) birthday party and I wasn't sure if I had the right to be upset and/or if I should go through with my plans to do something special for him to celebrate with him separately. Here's how everything went down:

At around 6, Parker sent me a text asking if he could come over earlier than we had planned because he decided not to go to his friend's birthday party. (Yay, points for him!) I told him of course that would be okay. I had already decided I was going to go through with my plans for him. Since he has been constantly surprising me with how cool and sweet he is, I just had to trust that he is different than the guys in my past and ignore the fear. "Eff You, Fear!" Haha. But, seriously I kind of really did have to say that in my head. When he got to my place I had baked him his favorite cookies (he had mentioned them in passing on our second or third date) and I brought them out of the kitchen with a candle...he was really flattered that I remembered about the cookies. (Yay, points for me!)

We decided to rent a movie and just stay in (read: pretty much spend the whole night naked). We had to revisit the subject of "the decision" of whether or not to have sex and even though it was nearly impossible to hold out - we both agreed that we should wait to make it official until he gets back from his trip. (My personal Rules of Singledom dictate that he doesn't get the proverbial cookie (because I baked him actual cookies, hehe) unless we are exclusive to each other. (SIDE NOTE: That doesn't mean we have the Boyfriend/Girlfriend titles...to me, that is a very distinct and separate conversation...but there I go, digressing again...) But, on a positive note we also agreed that we were definitely going in that direction. I just didn't think it smart to become exclusive after 2 weeks of dating and then be separated for a longer period of time than we've known each other... to me, there is no rush when, as all signs point to, this could be something really long-lasting. He agrees.

I gave him his actual birthday present in the morning - a little token to carry with him on his travels to remind him of me. And I gave him a third surpise present that he can think about on his travels to remind him of me too...IF you know what I mean (wink, wink). As we were pillow-talking in the morning, I finally got up the guts to ask him about his party and he assured me that it was really a boys night and very casual. He said he has no reason to hide me, especially since I have already met most of his friends. Phewf! I feel so much better!

Communication 2, Immaturity 0 ;-)

The best part was - the next night, after being with his buddies for a few hours - he called me and told me that he just wanted to spend the rest of the night with me anyway, since he was leaving the next day for his trip. So I went over and slept at his place that night and I took him to the airport in the morning... It's only been a couple days and I miss him already! Luckily we have been able to chat a little bit with one of those International messenger apps. So yeah, things with Parker are going really well!

Guess what else happened...? Dylan sent a text. Did I call it or what? This is what it said:

"Hey Penny. How was your 4th of July? Let me know if you want to grab dinner tomorrow or Sunday? :-)"

So I replied:

"Hey Dylan, I had a great holiday, thanks! I hope you did too! Dinner on Sunday works for me - what did you have in mind?"

Can you guess what happened next? ...I bet you can... he's a predictable one, that Dylan. That's right. Nothing. WTMEF?!?! This guy can't be serious. If he ever dares to text me again, I am going to tell him to lose my number.

But that reminds me...I hope y'all had very happy holiday weekends too!

I'm going to try to figure out a regular posting schedule over the next couple weeks, but for the immediate future I'll be posting kinda randomly (but at least a few times a week). So check back regularly or better yet, follow the blog to get notifications when a new post goes up!

Some Rules of Singledom

Being single in your mid-to-late 20's is a different animal than in your early 20's...

When you are 21 and single, you are looking to party, live life, gain experience, do things you've never done before, live life to the fullest...and date the bad boy...oh, the bad boys... Having been that type of 21 year-old, I know that life all too well, and yet now, as I enter a different stage of my life, I feel like I did all those things I wanted to do. I have long felt comfortable with the thought of moving on to the "couple" phase of my life knowing that I fulfilled my single dreams, acted on whims, was appropriately selfish when the situation called for it, and just generally didn't worry that I ever missed out on anything I would have wanted to do. All of the items on my list of life experiences that I still want now have a "we" or "us" in front of them and I truly feel I'm ready for that.

So, what happens when you are ready to move on from your single life and yet still can't seem to find yourself in a fulfilling, committed relationship? Well, you just decide to love your life anyway. Sucks, don't it? ;-)

I don't claim to have all the answers, I'm not a therapist or a certified expert, and in general, I'm not trying to espouse dating advice. But, I do have life experience and I've always thought of myself and been told by friends and family that I'm good at being single. (Let me tell you how happy I am that I can count that among my many skills...yeah, not so much) Seriously though, I have always taken it as a compliment in that they think I am a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man, and they are right. (Although I certainly do want one).

That being said, here are some dating tips, (I think it’s pretty good life advice too) that have gotten me though, help me to remain happy, positive, and confident, and most importantly, keep me from settling.

Get a hobby (or multiple hobbies)

For me this has been essential and I have channeled a lot of my extra time and energy into Yoga. I have found it to be the perfect combination of exercise and spirituality and it probably saves me a ton of money on therapy, haha. Yoga is not for everyone, just find your own thing (and if you can find something physical the added bonus is a rockin' body, woot woot!)

I also do art projects - sometimes it takes days, sometimes it will take weeks, but I am able to let my apartment transform into a messy art studio and in the end I have something physical to show for it. I hang my work on my walls and have put end tables next to my couch - right now I am working on a medicine cabinet. If I had a boyfriend, there is no way he would be cool with coming home to an "exploded" apartment for 2 weeks while I "create." Yay for being single!

Know your value

I find that so many women spend so much time trying to impress the guy - that we as women feel it is our obligation earn the man's affections and we put them up on a pedestal. STOP! We are the prize!! Let him win you; let him earn you. Think of everything you have to offer - maybe you are dedicated to your children, or a perfect 10 model (in which case I hate you a little...), or charitable with your time and money...look for the things about yourself that you admire and that other people admire about you and find the inner strength to know that those qualities make you a valuable commodity - and don't just give that away to anyone.

I personally think I am the total package (if I do say so myself) but that is because I am MY version of the total package, as in, I reflect the type of things I look for in a partner. I am relatively healthy; I work out, kinda watch what I eat (except for some late nights when I stop at Taco Bell on the way home, which is probably why I'll forever be a size 6 rather than a 4 - but I'm cool with it ;-), have diverse interests, have a good sense of humor, and am well educated. Feeling good about myself and deciding to like my life has kept me from jumping into a relationship with someone simply because I want a relationship and instead makes me realize I have the right to wait for the perfect yin to my yang.

Know your values

One little "S" makes all the difference. This one is not about settling for someone who is not deserving of you, but about not compromising yourself while being a single gal living it up. Whatever you decide are your dating values - I just suggest that you don't compromise them for anyone or you will usually regret it (take it from someone who knows...).

As you may have gathered from some of my posts, personally I wait a while to sleep with guys, as in, I decided to take a page from the Patti Stanger handbook and hold out on sex until "monogamy." Don't get me wrong, I was not always this way (particularly in the above-mentioned early-20s) and I most certainly don't judge women who don't abide this philosphy. But for me, this is what works.

I played at being a bad girl for far too long and found myself getting hurt way too often when a guy wouldn't call the next day. Even recently, I slipped up once and slept with someone too soon and when he disappeared, it was devastating, because he didn't know what a big deal it was that I had given myself to him, and I had compromised myself for someone who turned out to be unworthy. So again, you decide your personal dating rules, stick to them and you'll feel a lot more confident as a single girl (and men love confidence).

I'm sure there are plenty more where these came from but this is all I've got this morning.

Let me know in the comments if you like posts like this or if you'd rather I stick to storytelling! :-)

Dating Bender: Updates

Tommy: Never heard from him - shocking, right? Thank goodness.

Parker: I think you have probably living under a rock (or most definitely not reading my blog ;-) if you don't know what's going on there...  

Abe: Didn't hear from this guy either. I guess his 3 out of 5 was an over-estimation. On another note, he has also since deactivated his profile - guess I was right about him not being quite ready to get back in the game.

...TMBOG2: Still haven't heard from him, but I have a sneaking suspicion (as does my friend, Andie) that       he''ll randomly pop up again.

Bernie: He never called me! This one I am actually surprised about! But I think it might be due to the fact that I didn't let him kiss me. WTF? This is why guys in LA suck so much. I knew my suspicions about him being "a typical LA dude" were right, I just thought it would take him a little longer for his true colors to show. At least he spared me the string of BS down the road...

Dylan: Shocker of all shockers, he has not contacted me to set up a date yet (but stay tuned, I still don't think this one is over...).

So - a couple weeks of dates and 6 guys later, I actually think I found an amazing guy - thank goodness, because there were ZERO other prospects (which is actually kind of depressing to think about).

I have deactivated one of my online profiles and just to mix things up have signed up for a different one to see if I can get some different results...

Parker is leaving next week for the rest of the month and even though it's been a whirlwind two weeks we have decided not to have "the talk" until he gets back, so that means I can keep checking out what's out there until then - and possibly beyond (although I am hoping that's not going to be the case).

Stay cool (those in LA know what I mean) and Happy Sunday!

Dating Bender: Episode 8 - "Runaway Train"

O.M.G. you guys, my date with Parker last night was A-MAZ-ING! I feel a little like a teenager starting off a post with that phrase, but I am just not sure anything else would do it justice. Plus, we act a little like teenagers when we are out together. Both of us admitted that we don't really like to be "those people" that are all over each other and make out in public (although I do like a little classy PDA from time-to-time...), but we simply can not keep our hands off each other when we are together. As if that wasn't enough, we never seem to run out of things to talk about. I'm not sure I have ever met the full package before.

Okay, the date...

We took the train together downtown to hit some bars - his very smart idea - so neither of us had to drive. When we are together time just disappears; we started our evening at 6 pm and before either of us realized it was after 10 pm. At that point we decided to get some dinner - we decided to share tacos. He said we must really like each other since it's not the politest thing to eat on a date, hah.

A couple interesting conversational notes:

He told his mom about me. So cute and a very good sign especially given it is so early.

But, we opened up the ex-files.. Not mine. If you've gone back to previous posts, you'll know that my ex is in Texas, we've been broken up for almost 3 years and he doesn't even talk to me. In fact, last I checked he still has me blocked on Facebook. A little extreme, methinks....but anyway...I digress (which I do alot ;-) His ex, of 3 years, however, is still very much in the picture. Let me give you a minute to let that one sink in. Yep. Currently. Very much in the picture. AND they only broke up in the fall. They still hang out as friends, as in she's in his social circle that he sees at least once a week and she will also be watching his dog when he is travling later this month (because, after all, they did get the dog together). :-/ He assured me that he has zero intention of ever getting back with her because they broke up for a good reason and it was without drama and that I really have nothing to worry about. That definitely made me feel better, but I am still feeling a little threatened. What do you think?

So...after we took the train back (the ride was waaaay too long, if you know what I mean...) Parker invited me back to his place and I (hopefully not too) enthusiastically accepted. Pretty much as soon as we walked into his bedroom we started tearing each other's clothes off. To the point that I was pretty much down to my underwear before we realized his bedroom door wasn't closed. (oops). Things got real hot really quickly and when it was time to make the "big decision" I told him I wasn't ready. He said he agreed with me - that we should wait - and it really didn't seem to hinder our connection or the mostly-naked fun we had for the rest of the night. I fell asleep tucked right under his arm with my head on his chest.

There was a point when his dog jumped on the bed and woke us up - since I have a problem falling asleep quickly, I decided to keep him up too with a little middle of the night nookie session. So fun! And of course, we got frisky again this morning.

He dropped me off at my place this morning and we figured out when we are going to see each other next and he already sent me what I am realizing is his usual "I had fun with you" post-date text; a ritual I have grown to very much appreciate.

Now that I've waited until a little later in the day to write about it all, here's the thing - and y'all are probably going to think I am being totally paraniod - and I probably am - but we have been texting almost non-stop since we met. And today after he sent that text and I sent him my "me too" flirty response - nothing.  Even though we didn't have sex, we definitely got intimate and we still definitely had some "firsts" which puts both of us, but particulary the me, in a really vulnerable state. Why don't guys understand that this is the time to be extra attentive, not the time to play it cool?

It's like an alarm bell goes off in men's heads once they know a girl starts letting her guard down and really liking them and that's when it all falls apart. (And admittedly an alarm bell goes off in women's heads that makes them act cray-cray after they get naked with a guy for the first time...I am obviously a shining example of THAT right now). I really hope I am not reading into the silence too much and I hope it's just a product of me having been treated badly in the past. I hope to feel really stupid later when he texts me like usual. (I hope).

Parker has surprised me at every turn so odds point to him continuing to to do so. I just keep focusing on what an amazing time we had last night (and this morning) and how he kept telling me how much he liked me being in his bed...but I just can't help the feeling in my gut that is telling me something is up and life thus far has taught me that 90% of the time, even when I want to ignore it, (and even when I do) my gut instinct turns out to be right. Damn it! But even that still gives me 10% chance, right?

Playing Games

If you've been reading my last few posts - particularly the ones about Parker - then you will know how I keep making a pretty big deal out of the fact that he is coming after me full-force and isn't playing any games.

Well it's really got me thinking about game-playing within the dating dynamic, in general. I have never believed in playing games but that didn't seem to ever work for me, especially in Los Angeles, so I started to see them as a necessary evil. Plus, these days it seems like everyone from Cosmo to Anderson Cooper (I don't know why those seem like opposites to me, but they do) advocates that you have to play the game. So unfortunately, I got pretty good at it. The thing is, that didn't seem to work that well either.

So enter this guy who all of a sudden follows up right after a date, calls when he says he is going to call, tries to see me all the time, and a week into knowing him we have been in pretty consistent contact every day. If this was I guy I wasn't interested in, would this bother me? Probably. But then again, I wouldn't have reciprocated so it probably wouldn't have gotten to this point anyway. But I am interested in him. I don't wait to respond to his text messages, I have willingly accommodated his "extra date" requests, and really like that he wants to talk to me all the time. Does this mean that games don't work? Yes. But not because they don't work. Confused? Let me explain...

I signed on to Facebook today (Follow Penny on Facebook!) and one of my friends had posed a question as his status update: "Who plays more games in relationships. Girls or Guys?" Immediately all the single girls, guys, and gays went about slinging rocks...A couple of the most cynical  were...
"Girls. It's always girls. Even when it's same-sex and they're dudes, it's some girls fault."
"It's all a game. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or losing at it."

But then somone said (And I couldn't help but notice she was in a relatioship and from the looks of her photos, although admittedly photos don't always tell the whole story, she looked very happily in a relaionship)...
 "neither if you are with the right one   " 

Then I had my "Ah ha!" moment. Could that be what's going on here? When you meet the right one and you are on the same page from Day 1, the need for pretense disappears? Is that why both my non-game playing and my game playing have never worked? I just wasn't with the right guy. At this point I am most definitely acknowledging it is a distinct possibility.

So...does that mean Parker is THE guy? It is sure starting to feel like it - in thinking back to all the guys I've dated, I don't think I have ever felt this way about someone: giddy, excited, strangely calm and totally on the same page. What I mean by that is, I am oh-so attracted to him and I still have all the amazing butterflies when I think about him but it has nothing to do with wondering when he is going to call or when I am going to see him. It's just entirely about our potential. Last night right before all his boys arrived he sent me a quick text. I told him to have fun but if he felt like sending me some drunk texts later they would be welcome, but no pressure. Then he said, "Haha, I will. Don't you worry." And you know what? I wasn't worried; it's really really nice to know that someone you like really likes you back. After his friends left we talked on the phone for an hour and he told me how he told them all about me - and they approve. (Cue mini freak out session).

But seriously, does anyone ever actually find happiness with someone in the end who they played games with at the beginning? I know I sure haven't.

Dating Bender: Episode 5 - "Mr. Sunday"

Stats-
Name: Bernard (aka Mr. Sunday)
Age: 32
Height: 5'9"
Occupation: Movie Biz
Hometown: Philly
Currently Resides: West LA
The Date: Patio drinks in WeHo

As I said a couple times already, I was pretty excited for this date. I knew, at a minimum, we would have really good conversation and for me that is the key to avoiding the dreaded bad date. No attraction is a bummer, but you can always just dodge the kiss at the end of the evening with a nice "butt out, pat on the back" hug, but if the conversation is boring, a date will quickly start to feel like a visit to the gyno. (Most men would use a dentist reference there, but that's just because they don't have to go to the gyno...am I right, ladies? But, I digress...)

About 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet, Bernie sent a text that he was running 10 minutes late and told me not to rush. That was totally fine by me since I was running about 15 minutes late. When I finally arrived he said "I'm surprised I beat you here." I said, "Well you told me not to rush, so I took my time and let you get here first." He said, "good power move." (Hmm...what it actually was, was a good cover up for me just being later than him not a power play, but okay).

He already had a beer when I got there so I ordered myself a drink. We had good conversation, talked about what we do, our families, and ordered another round, which was a good sign. Then, as it turned out, one of his best friends was a manager there so we were sent over a complimentary appetizer that we didn't order. It was a nice gesture - I am not sure if it was supposed to show me how cool this guy is or if it was supposed to be a sign from the friend that he gave a thumbs up on my "hotness", both, or if I'm reading too much into it, but I was hungry so I appreciated it anyway.

He confessed that he was very hungover from the night before and I copped to the fact that I had plans to go bowling with some friends after so we tabbed out after our second round and called it an evening. He paid. We hugged (I didn't let him kiss me - I don't think you get that reward for a half-assed hangover date and discounted drinks at your friend's bar, sorry) At one point he even said to me, "If I wasn't as excited as I was to meet you I would have canceled." So I guess it was sort of a weird compliment...but all signs already point to this guy being a typical LA "dude." He suggested we do this again and I agreed, so I figure I'll hear from him at some point - probably in the requisite 3 days since he won't want to come off as too eager.

Chances I'll hear from him again: 4 out of 5

Here is the thing though - and I feel like a huge nerd for saying this - but I kind of understand what the "Bachelorette" must go through as we are all watching her going, "I can't believe she isn't into that guy, he is so amazing!" I think that if I didn't already have something developing with Parker I would have been a lot more psyched about Bernie. If Parker didn't exist, Bernie would be a great prospect for me - it's just really hard for someone to play catch-up in the feelings department.

That being said, if Bernie does call me to go out again, I am going to go. I owe that to myself.

And on the flip side of that, Parker and I are going on a hike tomorrow to introduce our dogs (seriously, could we be any cuter?)

Dating Bender: Episode 4 - "Accidental Vindication"

Let me just say that forgoing my pride and deciding to spend the day with Parker was one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.

I met him at a house party in Venice - like a true Gentleman he met me out front,
walked in with me and promptly introduced me to all his friends. To my (pleasant) surprise they had all heard of me and were excited to meet me. (Excuse me, who is this guy and how is he possibly so awesome?)

We hung out at the house for a little over an hour and then at the prompting of one of Parker's friends, decided to walk over to try and check out some of the live music that was happening around town - since there did happen to be a Music Festival going on in Venice, after all.

Two stops and shaking a third-wheel later, we ended up finding two really great bands! And for as much as time as we spent talking on our first date - we pretty much spent this date making out and not being able to keep our hands off one another, when we were able to sneak off and find moments alone, of course. ;-)

After the bands we walked to a different friend's house to join the BBQ-in-progress and join in on some board game fun. Here is the BEST PART - (not really the best part, because obviously the finding of the amazing guy who you really like and who likes you back and is not playing games with you is really the real best part...but...) as Parker and I were walking back from the bar acting all couple-y and love drunk from our public make-out session and grope fest (whatever, don't judge me) we were walking arm in arm practically skipping down the street - and guess who I saw, or more importantly, guess who I saw see me? As in, we made direct eye contact and held it for a good 10 seconds as we walked past each other on the street. Wait for it...

TMBOG2. No, I am not kidding.

I understand this is the kind of thing that you always wish would  happen, never actually happens in real life and only happens in the movies, but as I live and breathe it. freakin'. happened. to me. As continued walking down the street, I couldn't help but think of that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie is out with the New Yankee and runs into Big for the first time and feels so vindicated because she had accomplished the "perfect first meeting." Well Parker is TOTALLY my New Yankee! Except I didn't cry in his mouth when he kissed me - I actually realized I traded up and am so much happier to be spending my time with someone who can't get enough of me rather than some scard-y cat who got freaked out by a well planned meal. And obviously the joke was on TMBOG2 because while he was getting all freaked out that I was super into him, I was clearly seeing other people.

So, we got to house party number 2, and when all was said and done, we played 3 different games - the goal was to stay up to see the super moon at 4:32 am - I kinda love his friends! They are genuine, goofy and were so nice to me, particularly since I was a random girl Parker just brought around after 1 date. I also got the sense that they really like Parker and THAT is a very good sign. Parker and I only made it to 1:30 - made out a little bit more in his car before he dropped me back off at mine. (It was not easy forcing myself to get out of his car to go home - I could have kissed that man all night). He told me to text him that I made it home safely and we spent the rest of the night texting until we both fell asleep.

Uh oh. I mean, this is good, but this is bad. Sounds like we are both falling hard and fast. BUT - I am still trying to keep my head on straight, so I am keeping my date with Mr. Sunday today and am actually still excited about it (although I can't seem to get the feeling of Parker's hands roaming all over my body out of my mind...nor do I want to) ;-)

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Dating Bender: Episode 3 - "Putt Putt Putz" & Bonus Blog: "Playing It Cool, Fail."

Stats -
Name: Abe
Age: 33
Height: 5'11"
Occupation: Movie Biz (Production)
Hometown: Somewhere in North Carolina
Currently Resides: The Valley (do I need to say ugh, again?)
The Date: Drinks and Mini-golf (points for creativity!)

This was my first real "awkward first date" experience. Abe was nice, I liked him, and we generally had a good time... Wait, let me back up a minute...

We decided to meet for a drink in The Valley since the best mini-golf place is there and I suggested 7pm. I left my place around 6:15 knowing that it usually only takes me 40 minutes max. to get over the hill (I apologize to my non-LA readers if this is not making sense to you...). At 6:55 when I was still on Sunset I sent a text that I was going to be "very" late, not wanting to specify a time since I had no idea how much longer it was going to take me at that point.

Fast forward another 30 minutes and I had finally arrived at this (actually) great little Gastropub we were meeting at. But, with over an hour in the car, it really got me thinking. My first serious relationship was long distance: I lived in Austin and he lived in Dallas. That's a 2 1/2 hour drive. What I disliked most about that relationship was how disconnected we were from each other's everyday lives because spending time together was always an "event." We weren't integrated into each other's social circles and essentially were taking mini-vacations every time we spent weekends together - and I vowed never to get into a long-distance relationship ever again. What I mean to say by all that back-story is, dating someone that takes over an hour to get to on a Friday night is kind of like having a long-distance relationship particularly if you plan to go home that evening as well. All told, I was in the car for 1:45 last night getting to and from the date...I could be almost to Dallas by now! (If I still lived in Austin, I mean ;-) So already before the date I had kind of decided that this guy would have to be REALLY special for me to consider him a real prospect. He was dating at a disadvantage, which I'll admit is not really fair, but hey, them's the breaks.

On to the the date: the reason it was awkward - every time he did or said something he thought was awkward, he said it! Like, "oh I can't believe I said that", or "oh, that was awkward."  It was kind of endearing at first but then it just got a little annoying. Dude, let me make up my own mind! If he hadn't kept pointing it out, I wouldn't have noticed, I just thought he was funny. But I was still mostly having fun.

So after mini-golf we walked back to his car (we met at the gastropub and I left my car) and he asked me, "so how much do you want to see me again?" We had brought a flask of whiskey to mini-golf so it was funny at the time and actually not weird. So I responded with, "you should tell me on a scale of 1-5 how much you think I want to see you again." (Trying to get a little inside info. for my blog...hehe) He misinterpreted and asked, "How much do I want to see you again on a scale of 1-5?" So I said, "Even better! Sure." And he said 3. HE. FREAKING. SAID. 3. I was like, "okay, cool. You wanna take me to my car?"

He couldn't understand why I was annoyed, so I explained to him that 60% is not good. He tried to reason that 5 out of 5 seems too eager but he probably should have said 4 out of 5. I asked him why he would want to date someone who would be freaked out by you being eager to see them again? We decided to go grab one more beer to try and salvage the evening, but there were no seats so we ended up standing by the bathroom and he proceeded to tell me about his effed up sisters.

Still, I chalked up the end of the night to us having spent WAY too much time together on the first date, him being nervous, and relatively new to being back on the market, me asking a dumb question and then getting mad about it only because I had whiskey in my system and decided I would give him a quick peck when he dropped me off to indicate I was willing to try again.

So I leaned over to give him my hug/peck move and I got the cheek! W.T.F.!?!? All I could say was..."oh, wow." And I got out of the car. He felt like an idiot because he got out of the car and came to kiss me as I was unlocking the door to my car, and apologized for not realizing "that's what was happening." But, seriously, dude? You can't possibly be that bad at dating.

Chances I'll hear from this guy again: 3 out of 5 (lol)

BONUS BLOG: Thursday night I had plans with my girl Kelly. She is a dancer and had a show that I went to go see...while I was out I got the cutest messages from Parker; the man is really not into game-playing. Me like-y.

Him: What are you getting into tonight?

Me: At my friend's show and then going to a CD release later

Why are you so cool? Hah That sounds like a lot of fun?

Haha, you just happened to catch me on a rare cool night ;-)

Haha. Well sounds like you've got a great night ahead of you. I'll probably lay relatively low tonight, I have a late night tomorrow 

...and we had a late night last night :-)

Yeah we did. A great one :-D Was worth it.

Agreed.

Wish it wasn't going to be until next Thursday that we go out but I'll take it - though I'm going to the Venice Music Crawl on Saturday and then a friend's house party so if you have any interest in coming to the Westside let me know.

I know...damn our opposite social calendars! I'll let you know if anything changes.

Well, fast-forward to after last night - and on the heels of Monday night's date fail and I started thinking...I really like Parker; we had so much fun and our Chemistry is undeniable. I think I was a bit spoiled because that is how I felt with TMBOG2 and then I felt it again with Parker so soon so I might not have noticed how rare it actually is. (Kudos, Dating Bender for teaching me lessons!) So I this is what I sent to Parker this morning:

Me: Good morning sunshine :-) How was your night hike?

Hey! Really cool, but I'm a little sore. Got some cool pics though. How are you?

I'm good! A little sunburned from my Runyon hike yesterday, but I'll live.

No fun, sorry to hear that. What are you getting into today?

I have a BBQ to go to at noon, it's a going away party. But, I realized that I don't want to wait until Thursday to see you again either...so I was hoping the invite for the Venice Music thing is still on the table :-)

Yeah, for sure :-) And I'd love to see you today!

Cool, I'll let you know when I head to the Westside.

 Umm...so how cute is that? "I'd love to see you today!" Good thing the feeling is mutual or I'd be muy creeped out by how into me this guy is. 

So, EPIC FAIL for playing it cool with Parker, but he is making it awfully hard. I am a sucker for a man who pursues me. And don't worry, I am still going to date bend. Mr. Sunday and I are meeting for patio drinks tomorrow. Stay Tuned.

A (little) background on me.

I just jumped into the blog-o-sphere last week with little explanation of who I am...but, I don't want to get too in-depth up front because I figure many of my stories will relate in some way to experiences I've had in the past and I would like for those of you reading this to learn about me organically.

So, all that being said - I'm just gonna fill you in on where I am at, right now.

My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me about a month ago...it has been really tough. As hurt as I am by the whole experience, I am well on my way to realizing that it was all for the best. As much as we loved and cared for each other, our plans for the future didn't quite allign and if we would have eneded up together in the end, it's very possible that neither of us would have reached our true potential for happiness.

I have quickly thrust myself back into the dating scene, something I didn't particularly want to have to go through again, but I have always considered myself to be generally "good at being single."

So, here I go again, on another quest for "the one," or rather "someone," whom I can spend the rest of my life with. A month out of a relationship this still seems like a pretty lofty ambition, but I'll get there eventually. (I hope).