I HATE fighting with my boyfriend. I don't mean Reuben in particular, I just mean getting into fights with any boyfriend, in general. But, we all know they are inevitable...and Reuben and I had a conversation pretty early on when we started dating, acknowledging the fact that, at some point, we were going to argue.
At that point, I had to fill Reuben in about the stress and anxiety that fighting causes me - my ex didn't know how to have a fight without breaking up with me. Now... prior to that emotional cluster-f*ck of a situation, I had always felt that some arguing and fighting was healthy for a relationship. My parents who have a 30+ year marriage have worked through many issues in their decades-long time together - some pretty serious. But when you are with someone who doesn't get the concept of working through things - it can make one (understandably) squeamish about raising conflict.
Reuben promised me, in that moment, that unless some person or animal was purposefully maimed - he would not break up with me over our first fight. Haha.
Fast-forward to last Friday night - one of Reuben's quirks is that he is absolutely the most timely person anyone will ever meet. He thinks being on time is a sign of respect for yourself and for the people you are meeting. (I agree, I am just not as fastidious about it). We were supposed to meet some friends of his for drinks at 9:30 - drinks - which in my mind means, "casual meet-up at approximately that time."
I ended up getting stuck at work really late (not entirely my fault) and we still had to get dinner before we met up with his friends - he was dilly-dallying too by finishing one last round of some MMORPG (or whatever the video game nerds are playing these days) and suggested we go early and eat bar food because he would rather be early and eat nasty-sh*t then be late and feed his girlfriend properly (<-- case="" exposition="" in="" it="" last="" obvious="" p="" part="" pure="" t="" that="" was="" wasn="">
It was around 8:45 by the time we stopped at a sushi place - we figured sushi would be quick. I kept telling him that it wasn't a big deal if we were a little late, that it was just drinks. We were also right around the corner from the bar so I told him to tell his friends to come meet us - we could share a bottle of sake and then all walk back over to the bar together... I was trying to find a creative solution.
But he was just getting annoyed that I didn't think it was a big deal to be late - and then dinner wasn't fast enough - and then his friends were texting him all though dinner giving him crap about being late - and I was annoyed he was on his phone all through dinner - and then... right as were done with our meal - HE ORDERED ANOTHER BOTTLE OF SAKE!! WHAT!?!?!
So after all his whining about me making us late and then not caring about it - he made us later - and you know what he said...and I quote, "In for a penny, in for a pound." Ugh, I wanted to hit him. Not really.
We finally got to the bar at 10, which, while it is pretty late, isn't terrible considering he was texting his friends all through dinner anyway - but it really sucked to have to keep hanging out all night. I honestly just wanted to go home. But after two more drinks I was drunk enough to forget that there was tension between us and ended up having a pretty good night, but we definitely had to talk about it the next day.
I ended up apologizing for not respecting the plans that he had made (in retrospect, I should have just sucked it up and eaten sh*tty bar food). And he apologized for blaming me for making us late - when it was defititely a team effort.
True to form, he did not break up with me over our first fight. (yay!) Granted it was a VERY minor fight but I am glad to have it out of the way - and have more insight into how we deal with conflict and resolution.
Ah ... back to relationship bliss. (for now).
Showing posts with label ex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ex. Show all posts
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
#instagramofficial
...Somebody has a boyfriend...
Stats-
Name: Reuben
Age: 32
Height: 5'11"
Religion: Jewish
Occupation: Digital Media
Education: Ivy League (ding ding ding!)
Hometown: New Orleans, LA
Currently Resides: Hollywood
The Dates: So many good ones
(Did I hit the jackpot or what?)
First let me say - I am THE. WORST. Obviously I owe all my LOYAL readers a HUGE apology (cause there are SO many of you out there, right?). Seriously though, I don't have much of an excuse for walking away from this project for 7 months... I have certainly been doing my fair-share of dating in that time. My one and only Tinder story is the stuff of legends! (and obvs material for a later post) and more as a public shaming to myself - I love this project and I really should be more consistent.
So, back to the post at-hand... I have a boyfriend, y'all!
We have been together for a little over 3 months and I guess I'll have to tell our "getting together" story in reverse over the course of a few posts but most recently we went "official" with an instagram pic, which is kind of a big deal for a number of reasons...
1. We work together
Stats-
Name: Reuben
Age: 32
Height: 5'11"
Religion: Jewish
Occupation: Digital Media
Education: Ivy League (ding ding ding!)
Hometown: New Orleans, LA
Currently Resides: Hollywood
The Dates: So many good ones
(Did I hit the jackpot or what?)
First let me say - I am THE. WORST. Obviously I owe all my LOYAL readers a HUGE apology (cause there are SO many of you out there, right?). Seriously though, I don't have much of an excuse for walking away from this project for 7 months... I have certainly been doing my fair-share of dating in that time. My one and only Tinder story is the stuff of legends! (and obvs material for a later post) and more as a public shaming to myself - I love this project and I really should be more consistent.
So, back to the post at-hand... I have a boyfriend, y'all!
We have been together for a little over 3 months and I guess I'll have to tell our "getting together" story in reverse over the course of a few posts but most recently we went "official" with an instagram pic, which is kind of a big deal for a number of reasons...
1. We work together
Dear HR, I knowingly and willingly enter into this consensual, adult, sexual relationship. Eeek!2. My ex refused to ever acknowledge our relationship on SM
Facebook was really the only social platform at that time and we never changed our status in the 2 years we were together; he was afraid it would negatively affect the audience of our band. He felt it was important that we always appear "available." What a dick. Oh the things that become SO CLEAR to us in hindsight. I would NEVER let anyone treat me like that now. Ugh.3. Social media. Period.
Social media can cause so many problems in a relationship, the least of which is miscommunication and I would posit the most of which is the temptation to and/or straight up cheating. I went back through my blog to see if I had ever posted my personal policy on social media and dating and was SHOCKED that I hadn't written a post on it yet, SHOCKED, I tell you - especially because I wrote a "Rules of Singledom" post - I really dropped the ball on that one.So, guess what that means...?
BONUS BLOG: Social Media Etiquette When Dating
I feel very strongly about this subject (side note: I feel very strongly about a lot of subjects which is what makes having a blog great!). The premise is very simple - You DO NOT become any form of social media friends with ANYONE you are dating until you are BOYFRIEND & GIRLFRIEND. PERIOD. Not just "exclusive" - but serious, ready to change your status, BF/GF.
Some FAQ's:
What about Following them on Twitter?: NO
What about Following on Instagram?: NO
How about becoming Facebook friends?: NO
How will I know what they are doing?: Ask them (a novel concept, I know)
What if I think they are lying?: Then they are probably not someone you should be dating
What about Snapchat?: OK, this is an exception to the rule, since it's not technically a network
Can I check their social networks: YES, this is totally allowed (from time-to-time) - it makes sense to vet people, check to see who you know in common (esp, when you are online dating, look at some pictures) but most people have plenty of information available publicly and you don't need to take the added step to make it "feed" into your consciousness. When you are not friends/following you have to take that extra step to look at their page - and if you do it too often - it really is a little like cyber-stalking, and that is unhealthy - you are awesome and have a life, stop cyber-stalking! :-)
I do have some very good reasons for this policy - generally it's just that in the beginning stages, dating is just that, dating. Likely both of you are dating a couple different people - maybe you are in the process of wrapping up a casual thing, maybe he went out on a couple dates with another girl last month but decided he didn't like her that much, but may still want to sleep with her if he can - the point is, after one or two dates... who knows, amirite!?! Why torture yourself with the status update and the pictures and the et cetera. Just don't.
Then, as you start dating more often, you still don't want to know the things that you are being left out of - because it starts to hurt your feelings, right? When you are together, things are so great! But social media - it can derail an otherwise good thing. So, just say no.
In all honesty another good reason comes from an example of the ONE time in recent history that I broke my own rule and lived to regret it - it was with Parker - obviously. (Seriously, could that mini-relationship have been a better learning experience?) He was traveling abroad, so we decided to become Facebook friends before he left so that I could see his pictures and potentially "chat" through FB messenger while he was gone. So, the intention was good - but once we were FB friends we decided to follow each other on Instagram and so on...
Well, we all know how things worked out with Parker; they didn't. So what did I have to do? Defriend, unfollow.. Then I was all... When do I do that? Do I block him? How soon is too soon? I don't want to look dramatic and defriend him right away...but I don't want HIM to do it first. And on and on and on. So after I defriended and unfollowed and blocked the ONLY thing I could think was how immature and childish the whole thing made me feel. It left me with such a bad taste in my mouth that it just reconfirmed my policy to NEVER be social media anythings with anyone ever again until he was my boyfriend.ENTER Reuben.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
The 5 Stages of A Break-up
For those who don't know, there is a well known psychological theory (or is it proven?...I'm not sure, I think all things psychological are probably always theories, right?) published by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross about the 5 Stages of Grief one goes through when confronting the idea of your own mortality (i.e. if you've just recieved a terminal diagnosis). It goes a little something like this:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Well, this got me thinking about how I deal with breakups and that they are their own form of loss - obviously not as serious as facing death (obviously.)- but depending on the depth and breadth of a particular relationship, (and in our own dramatic fairy-tale land) it can certainly feel that way sometimes...
BUT - when coping with a breakup, I think the order is somewhat different, at least it is for me -I think it goes a little something like this:
1. Denial - this is when you usually think that it's not really over. That he was acting or reacting irrationally and that he will call or text or swing by and tell you how sorry he is... you might might even call or send your own text (or, ahem, texts) trying to get him to talk things over again - like you are still in a relationship, even though you're not.
2. Depression - when said phone call, text, random drop-by never happens (or your own attempts are rejected) - this is when the crying usually starts. (An important note: This stage is not defined by tears because crying is not exclusive to this stage of the process - depending on the relationship and the kind of person you are, I submit that crying may be present in Stages 1, 2 and 3) This is likely when you blame yourself for being terrible at relationships, think of everything you did wrong, don't want to be social, watch The Notebook and/or listen Ani DiFranco - and depending on the kind of person you are, you either gain some weight by eating a bunch of junk food or lose weight by sleeping a lot and not eating much at all. (Thank goodness I am the latter). The sad truth is, this stage can last a long time if you let it...I sunk in for about a month (if not longer) with my ex. Don't let it.
3. Anger (or as I like to call it: The Lightbulb Stage) - after you have gone over every conversation in your head and reviewed most of the text messages on your phone (come on, be honest, that's why we all save them...) you soon realize that - (lightbulb!) he was a jerk, "just not that into you", it was all is fault, you should have seen it sooner, you're way too good for him, or whatever other epiphany you have, after having gone over and over things a million times and examined them from every angle, that snaps you out of the depression stage. This is also likely when you'll defriend, unfollow, block, delete numbers, photos, emails, and any other records of your relationship that remind you of being happy together and/or make it easy for you to see him find happiness with someone else.
4. Bargaining - some people never go here (if you are one of those people, PLEASE tell me your secret), and I used to not (in my younger days), but now I always seem to... this is when you try to get back together. It's quite possible you will send an embarassing email or try to bump into him in places you think he'll be, or as I did with my ex a few years ago just casually put feelers out for "catch up" session. Best case scenario, this will work temporarily. But it will almost certainly end again and when that happens you'll just end up back at Stage 1. (In my experience - unless the "Breaker" decides they want to get back with the "Breakee" it is not a scenario that will workout long-term. Feel free to try and prove me wrong, and good luck to you, in all sincerity).
5. Acceptance - the way I have recently learned to channel the failure of my bargaining attempts, is to catapult me into acceptance. There is only so much you can put yourself through, right? How many times can you tell someone how you feel, put yourself out there, try to work it out, and keep getting told that's not enough - by the same person? Eventually you start to realize you deserve someone who appreciates you, everything you have to offer and wants to give you that in return. And suddenly everything starts to be okay.
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Well, this got me thinking about how I deal with breakups and that they are their own form of loss - obviously not as serious as facing death (obviously.)- but depending on the depth and breadth of a particular relationship, (and in our own dramatic fairy-tale land) it can certainly feel that way sometimes...
BUT - when coping with a breakup, I think the order is somewhat different, at least it is for me -I think it goes a little something like this:
1. Denial - this is when you usually think that it's not really over. That he was acting or reacting irrationally and that he will call or text or swing by and tell you how sorry he is... you might might even call or send your own text (or, ahem, texts) trying to get him to talk things over again - like you are still in a relationship, even though you're not.
2. Depression - when said phone call, text, random drop-by never happens (or your own attempts are rejected) - this is when the crying usually starts. (An important note: This stage is not defined by tears because crying is not exclusive to this stage of the process - depending on the relationship and the kind of person you are, I submit that crying may be present in Stages 1, 2 and 3) This is likely when you blame yourself for being terrible at relationships, think of everything you did wrong, don't want to be social, watch The Notebook and/or listen Ani DiFranco - and depending on the kind of person you are, you either gain some weight by eating a bunch of junk food or lose weight by sleeping a lot and not eating much at all. (Thank goodness I am the latter). The sad truth is, this stage can last a long time if you let it...I sunk in for about a month (if not longer) with my ex. Don't let it.
3. Anger (or as I like to call it: The Lightbulb Stage) - after you have gone over every conversation in your head and reviewed most of the text messages on your phone (come on, be honest, that's why we all save them...) you soon realize that - (lightbulb!) he was a jerk, "just not that into you", it was all is fault, you should have seen it sooner, you're way too good for him, or whatever other epiphany you have, after having gone over and over things a million times and examined them from every angle, that snaps you out of the depression stage. This is also likely when you'll defriend, unfollow, block, delete numbers, photos, emails, and any other records of your relationship that remind you of being happy together and/or make it easy for you to see him find happiness with someone else.
4. Bargaining - some people never go here (if you are one of those people, PLEASE tell me your secret), and I used to not (in my younger days), but now I always seem to... this is when you try to get back together. It's quite possible you will send an embarassing email or try to bump into him in places you think he'll be, or as I did with my ex a few years ago just casually put feelers out for "catch up" session. Best case scenario, this will work temporarily. But it will almost certainly end again and when that happens you'll just end up back at Stage 1. (In my experience - unless the "Breaker" decides they want to get back with the "Breakee" it is not a scenario that will workout long-term. Feel free to try and prove me wrong, and good luck to you, in all sincerity).
5. Acceptance - the way I have recently learned to channel the failure of my bargaining attempts, is to catapult me into acceptance. There is only so much you can put yourself through, right? How many times can you tell someone how you feel, put yourself out there, try to work it out, and keep getting told that's not enough - by the same person? Eventually you start to realize you deserve someone who appreciates you, everything you have to offer and wants to give you that in return. And suddenly everything starts to be okay.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Dating Bender: Episode 8 - "Runaway Train"
O.M.G. you guys, my date with Parker last night was A-MAZ-ING! I feel a little like a teenager starting off a post with that phrase, but I am just not sure anything else would do it justice. Plus, we act a little like teenagers when we are out together. Both of us admitted that we don't really like to be "those people" that are all over each other and make out in public (although I do like a little classy PDA from time-to-time...), but we simply can not keep our hands off each other when we are together. As if that wasn't enough, we never seem to run out of things to talk about. I'm not sure I have ever met the full package before.
Okay, the date...
We took the train together downtown to hit some bars - his very smart idea - so neither of us had to drive. When we are together time just disappears; we started our evening at 6 pm and before either of us realized it was after 10 pm. At that point we decided to get some dinner - we decided to share tacos. He said we must really like each other since it's not the politest thing to eat on a date, hah.
A couple interesting conversational notes:
He told his mom about me. So cute and a very good sign especially given it is so early.
But, we opened up the ex-files.. Not mine. If you've gone back to previous posts, you'll know that my ex is in Texas, we've been broken up for almost 3 years and he doesn't even talk to me. In fact, last I checked he still has me blocked on Facebook. A little extreme, methinks....but anyway...I digress (which I do alot ;-) His ex, of 3 years, however, is still very much in the picture. Let me give you a minute to let that one sink in. Yep. Currently. Very much in the picture. AND they only broke up in the fall. They still hang out as friends, as in she's in his social circle that he sees at least once a week and she will also be watching his dog when he is travling later this month (because, after all, they did get the dog together). :-/ He assured me that he has zero intention of ever getting back with her because they broke up for a good reason and it was without drama and that I really have nothing to worry about. That definitely made me feel better, but I am still feeling a little threatened. What do you think?
So...after we took the train back (the ride was waaaay too long, if you know what I mean...) Parker invited me back to his place and I (hopefully not too) enthusiastically accepted. Pretty much as soon as we walked into his bedroom we started tearing each other's clothes off. To the point that I was pretty much down to my underwear before we realized his bedroom door wasn't closed. (oops). Things got real hot really quickly and when it was time to make the "big decision" I told him I wasn't ready. He said he agreed with me - that we should wait - and it really didn't seem to hinder our connection or the mostly-naked fun we had for the rest of the night. I fell asleep tucked right under his arm with my head on his chest.
There was a point when his dog jumped on the bed and woke us up - since I have a problem falling asleep quickly, I decided to keep him up too with a little middle of the night nookie session. So fun! And of course, we got frisky again this morning.
He dropped me off at my place this morning and we figured out when we are going to see each other next and he already sent me what I am realizing is his usual "I had fun with you" post-date text; a ritual I have grown to very much appreciate.
Now that I've waited until a little later in the day to write about it all, here's the thing - and y'all are probably going to think I am being totally paraniod - and I probably am - but we have been texting almost non-stop since we met. And today after he sent that text and I sent him my "me too" flirty response - nothing. Even though we didn't have sex, we definitely got intimate and we still definitely had some "firsts" which puts both of us, but particulary the me, in a really vulnerable state. Why don't guys understand that this is the time to be extra attentive, not the time to play it cool?
It's like an alarm bell goes off in men's heads once they know a girl starts letting her guard down and really liking them and that's when it all falls apart. (And admittedly an alarm bell goes off in women's heads that makes them act cray-cray after they get naked with a guy for the first time...I am obviously a shining example of THAT right now). I really hope I am not reading into the silence too much and I hope it's just a product of me having been treated badly in the past. I hope to feel really stupid later when he texts me like usual. (I hope).
Parker has surprised me at every turn so odds point to him continuing to to do so. I just keep focusing on what an amazing time we had last night (and this morning) and how he kept telling me how much he liked me being in his bed...but I just can't help the feeling in my gut that is telling me something is up and life thus far has taught me that 90% of the time, even when I want to ignore it, (and even when I do) my gut instinct turns out to be right. Damn it! But even that still gives me 10% chance, right?
Okay, the date...
We took the train together downtown to hit some bars - his very smart idea - so neither of us had to drive. When we are together time just disappears; we started our evening at 6 pm and before either of us realized it was after 10 pm. At that point we decided to get some dinner - we decided to share tacos. He said we must really like each other since it's not the politest thing to eat on a date, hah.
A couple interesting conversational notes:
He told his mom about me. So cute and a very good sign especially given it is so early.
But, we opened up the ex-files.. Not mine. If you've gone back to previous posts, you'll know that my ex is in Texas, we've been broken up for almost 3 years and he doesn't even talk to me. In fact, last I checked he still has me blocked on Facebook. A little extreme, methinks....but anyway...I digress (which I do alot ;-) His ex, of 3 years, however, is still very much in the picture. Let me give you a minute to let that one sink in. Yep. Currently. Very much in the picture. AND they only broke up in the fall. They still hang out as friends, as in she's in his social circle that he sees at least once a week and she will also be watching his dog when he is travling later this month (because, after all, they did get the dog together). :-/ He assured me that he has zero intention of ever getting back with her because they broke up for a good reason and it was without drama and that I really have nothing to worry about. That definitely made me feel better, but I am still feeling a little threatened. What do you think?
So...after we took the train back (the ride was waaaay too long, if you know what I mean...) Parker invited me back to his place and I (hopefully not too) enthusiastically accepted. Pretty much as soon as we walked into his bedroom we started tearing each other's clothes off. To the point that I was pretty much down to my underwear before we realized his bedroom door wasn't closed. (oops). Things got real hot really quickly and when it was time to make the "big decision" I told him I wasn't ready. He said he agreed with me - that we should wait - and it really didn't seem to hinder our connection or the mostly-naked fun we had for the rest of the night. I fell asleep tucked right under his arm with my head on his chest.
There was a point when his dog jumped on the bed and woke us up - since I have a problem falling asleep quickly, I decided to keep him up too with a little middle of the night nookie session. So fun! And of course, we got frisky again this morning.
He dropped me off at my place this morning and we figured out when we are going to see each other next and he already sent me what I am realizing is his usual "I had fun with you" post-date text; a ritual I have grown to very much appreciate.
Now that I've waited until a little later in the day to write about it all, here's the thing - and y'all are probably going to think I am being totally paraniod - and I probably am - but we have been texting almost non-stop since we met. And today after he sent that text and I sent him my "me too" flirty response - nothing. Even though we didn't have sex, we definitely got intimate and we still definitely had some "firsts" which puts both of us, but particulary the me, in a really vulnerable state. Why don't guys understand that this is the time to be extra attentive, not the time to play it cool?
It's like an alarm bell goes off in men's heads once they know a girl starts letting her guard down and really liking them and that's when it all falls apart. (And admittedly an alarm bell goes off in women's heads that makes them act cray-cray after they get naked with a guy for the first time...I am obviously a shining example of THAT right now). I really hope I am not reading into the silence too much and I hope it's just a product of me having been treated badly in the past. I hope to feel really stupid later when he texts me like usual. (I hope).
Parker has surprised me at every turn so odds point to him continuing to to do so. I just keep focusing on what an amazing time we had last night (and this morning) and how he kept telling me how much he liked me being in his bed...but I just can't help the feeling in my gut that is telling me something is up and life thus far has taught me that 90% of the time, even when I want to ignore it, (and even when I do) my gut instinct turns out to be right. Damn it! But even that still gives me 10% chance, right?
Friday, December 17, 2010
Making a List & Checking it Twice
I was going back through my blog yesterday as I was redesigning it...(PS, what do y'all think of the new look?) and I realize that I mentioned a couple people and things that I said I would update on and then life happened, and those people and things just fell by the wayside. So here is a list of all the people I mentioned so far (in chronological order by post) and my "current status" with that person, plus some new (old) additions worth mentioning...
Text Message Blow-off Guy: we're "friendly," I guess. Because we have mutual friends, I sent him a text a couple days ago to invite him to a group thing and he got back to me that he is out of town.
The 3 Bachelors - #1 and I will always be somewhat in touch, recently not that much but that's part of our usual dynamic. #2 texted me to ask me out again and I respectfully turned him down. The chemistry just wasn't there. #3 was never seen nor heard from again.
Mickey - turns out the "Guy who was currently following her around" became her boyfriend and now I barely see her. I am sad that she turned out to be one of those girls who disappears once she gets into a relationship. Not that I can blame her, I have definitely done that in the past, I just try really hard not to do that anymore.
The Ex - haven't had a word of contact since November 1st. I half expected to hear from him on my birthday if he was ever going to make some sort of effort at being friends. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed, but the farther away I get from the relationship, the easier it is, so I know it's better this way.
Pointless Guy - I gave the big update about him in my last post, but since then, no contact as I predicted. Awkward and predictable, two of my least favorite qualities, haha.
Co-worker Guy - Never made it out on Wednesday which was disappointing. But at least he texted an apology and said he'd "be glad to have a belated birthday celebration and make up for it." I texted him back that I was gonna take him up on his offer to make it up to me and that he should pick a night that works for him. So far, no word. Sad face. :(
...and now some new (old) additions:
Yoga Guy -
He tends bar at one of my favorite neighborhood dives (where I used to hang out at A LOT more that I do now.) and we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. It culminated one night a couple years ago when at the end of a long night he told me he was dog sitting for his parents and had to go take care of them before he went home. Did I want to join him? So off we went...I had no idea what I was in store for... We pulled up at a mansion on Lake Austin and two adorable golden retrievers greeted us in the driveway. We played for a bit and then proceeded inside where Yoga opened a bottle of wine. We hung out for a while until we got a "wild hair" and decided to sneak into the neighbor's pool and go swimming. (In our undies of course, no nudity). We had a great time playing in the pool, and kissing a-lot-a-bit and then called it a night. I woke up and found myself next to this lovely man, in a bay window with the sun streaming in and an amazing view of the lake. Yoga made me breakfast and then he dropped me off at my car. We see each other all the time, and yet nothing like that has ever happened again. Still, I only have the fondest of memories of that night.
So, why do I bring this up you ask? Yoga and I ended up hanging out the other night all night again. We had a great time, he is so easy to spend time with. He's the kind of guy you could imagine never having a fight with because he is so laid back. Well, I wasn't really sure where this spending time together was headed, but toward the end of the night he cut me off at the pass and explained that he was definitely interested in me, but nothing could happen at the moment because he is "kinda seeing someone." And that he needed to have a conversation with her to see where they stood. I actually really respect that because that is how I would want a guy I was seeing to treat me. I'm still not sure what's going on but he has been awfully flirtatious on my facebook page over the past couple days...
The Celebrity -
This guy was by far and away the highlight of my week. At above-mentioned neighborhood dive I found him there having a beer all by his lonesome, and since I had ventured out alone too, I just decided to chat him up. I confessed that I had "watching parties" for the show he is on and surprisingly he seemed to find that charming. :) Ladies of Austin, if you have an inkling as to whom I may be talking about let me assure you that his is fully GORGEOUS and gracious up close and in person. We ended up talking for about an hour and he asked me if I would allow him to buy me a beer (!) It was so fun to flirt unabashedly with him (because again, if you can guess who I am talking about, he is most likely in a relationship and we just don't know about it yet). I told him he should make a cameo at one of my viewing parties and he laughed and said he thought that would be fun. Since I know where he hangs I might have to go say hi to him again one of these days...
Okay, wow this post turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought it would be, so that's all for now.
Oh and also, I totally just got busted writing this blog in public today. I didn't realize how flustered I would get to be found out for writing a blog called "Adventures in Dating." Hahaha, I guess that is just another reason why I decided to keep it anonymous and give everyone nicknames.
And Food Blogger guy who busted me...I hope you looked me up and are reading this! And tell your roommates about it too! ;)
Text Message Blow-off Guy: we're "friendly," I guess. Because we have mutual friends, I sent him a text a couple days ago to invite him to a group thing and he got back to me that he is out of town.
The 3 Bachelors - #1 and I will always be somewhat in touch, recently not that much but that's part of our usual dynamic. #2 texted me to ask me out again and I respectfully turned him down. The chemistry just wasn't there. #3 was never seen nor heard from again.
Mickey - turns out the "Guy who was currently following her around" became her boyfriend and now I barely see her. I am sad that she turned out to be one of those girls who disappears once she gets into a relationship. Not that I can blame her, I have definitely done that in the past, I just try really hard not to do that anymore.
The Ex - haven't had a word of contact since November 1st. I half expected to hear from him on my birthday if he was ever going to make some sort of effort at being friends. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed, but the farther away I get from the relationship, the easier it is, so I know it's better this way.
Pointless Guy - I gave the big update about him in my last post, but since then, no contact as I predicted. Awkward and predictable, two of my least favorite qualities, haha.
Co-worker Guy - Never made it out on Wednesday which was disappointing. But at least he texted an apology and said he'd "be glad to have a belated birthday celebration and make up for it." I texted him back that I was gonna take him up on his offer to make it up to me and that he should pick a night that works for him. So far, no word. Sad face. :(
...and now some new (old) additions:
Yoga Guy -
He tends bar at one of my favorite neighborhood dives (where I used to hang out at A LOT more that I do now.) and we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. It culminated one night a couple years ago when at the end of a long night he told me he was dog sitting for his parents and had to go take care of them before he went home. Did I want to join him? So off we went...I had no idea what I was in store for... We pulled up at a mansion on Lake Austin and two adorable golden retrievers greeted us in the driveway. We played for a bit and then proceeded inside where Yoga opened a bottle of wine. We hung out for a while until we got a "wild hair" and decided to sneak into the neighbor's pool and go swimming. (In our undies of course, no nudity). We had a great time playing in the pool, and kissing a-lot-a-bit and then called it a night. I woke up and found myself next to this lovely man, in a bay window with the sun streaming in and an amazing view of the lake. Yoga made me breakfast and then he dropped me off at my car. We see each other all the time, and yet nothing like that has ever happened again. Still, I only have the fondest of memories of that night.
So, why do I bring this up you ask? Yoga and I ended up hanging out the other night all night again. We had a great time, he is so easy to spend time with. He's the kind of guy you could imagine never having a fight with because he is so laid back. Well, I wasn't really sure where this spending time together was headed, but toward the end of the night he cut me off at the pass and explained that he was definitely interested in me, but nothing could happen at the moment because he is "kinda seeing someone." And that he needed to have a conversation with her to see where they stood. I actually really respect that because that is how I would want a guy I was seeing to treat me. I'm still not sure what's going on but he has been awfully flirtatious on my facebook page over the past couple days...
The Celebrity -
This guy was by far and away the highlight of my week. At above-mentioned neighborhood dive I found him there having a beer all by his lonesome, and since I had ventured out alone too, I just decided to chat him up. I confessed that I had "watching parties" for the show he is on and surprisingly he seemed to find that charming. :) Ladies of Austin, if you have an inkling as to whom I may be talking about let me assure you that his is fully GORGEOUS and gracious up close and in person. We ended up talking for about an hour and he asked me if I would allow him to buy me a beer (!) It was so fun to flirt unabashedly with him (because again, if you can guess who I am talking about, he is most likely in a relationship and we just don't know about it yet). I told him he should make a cameo at one of my viewing parties and he laughed and said he thought that would be fun. Since I know where he hangs I might have to go say hi to him again one of these days...
Okay, wow this post turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought it would be, so that's all for now.
Oh and also, I totally just got busted writing this blog in public today. I didn't realize how flustered I would get to be found out for writing a blog called "Adventures in Dating." Hahaha, I guess that is just another reason why I decided to keep it anonymous and give everyone nicknames.
And Food Blogger guy who busted me...I hope you looked me up and are reading this! And tell your roommates about it too! ;)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thankful for Blessings in Disguise...
It is that time of year when people get nostalgic and reflect on their year and their life and acknowledge all the things that they are grateful for - for me it is not only due to Thanksgiving and New Years, but I also have a birthday coming up...so I usually reflect 3-fold.
Well suffice to say, I've had a pretty crappy year. I am not a fan of 2010 and I am very ready for it to be over. My boyfriend whom I thought loved me, turned out to not, we had some major ups and downs and eventually broke up, I had to let go of n him as a lover and a best friend, but also of the life we had planned for ourselves, then we got back together again, only for him to leave me again (crushing me worse the latter time), then he moved on very quickly with someone else, I am still alone, and this just in...I lost my job.
It's really hard to be thankful for anything when you just want to curl up in a ball and lie around for a few weeks hoping when you re-emerge life will be better. But, I thought it important to focus on some of the positives that stem from all the negative.
On losing work:
It's not often that we are given a chance in life to have a completely blank slate and rebuild our lives to our exact specifications. In fact, it may never happen to some people. There is usually at least one thing in our lives that is keeping us "here." Well, when I met my ex I didn't have a job and was thinking about moving from Austin, but our relationship started out so wonderfully that I stayed for him. Then I got a great job and when my boyfriend and I broke up, I stayed for work. Now, I am not obligated to person, place or thing and I can figure out what it is I want, where I want to go, what I want to do, who I am want to be and be with. For that, I am thankful.
On losing love:
I had a weird thought the other day when I realized that I am in a strange way thankful for this breakup. It is still painful and I still miss my ex almost every day (the pain of which is compounded by knowing he is happy with someone else and I am still alone) but he actually gave me an amazing gift. He gave me back the excitement of a first kiss with someone who has infinite potential and the thrill of hearing someone tell me he loves me for the first time; and the opportunity to find someone who means those words when he says them. He gave me the chance for true love and happiness. For that, I am thankful.
On being alone:
It's been exactly 4 weeks from the day I last saw and spoke to my ex. Since the day we met in February of 2009 (before we even started dating) this is by far the longest we have ever gone without contact. It is excruciating. But it has given me a fresh perspective too. When I look back on our relationship I don't see a lot of myself in it. I see a lot of what he wanted, a lot of his friends, and the life he planned, and I see a shell of who I am and what I am capable of just being along for the ride. I guess there is a reason that "hindsight is 20/20" is a popular saying. I finally see that he is not the person he thinks and claims to be, and that I was so enchanted by the words I missed what the actions were saying. So as hard as it it still is, I am FINALLY getting some clarity. For that, I am thankful.
I guess it's not that hard to find things in my life to be thankful for. And for that, I am truly thankful.
Well suffice to say, I've had a pretty crappy year. I am not a fan of 2010 and I am very ready for it to be over. My boyfriend whom I thought loved me, turned out to not, we had some major ups and downs and eventually broke up, I had to let go of n him as a lover and a best friend, but also of the life we had planned for ourselves, then we got back together again, only for him to leave me again (crushing me worse the latter time), then he moved on very quickly with someone else, I am still alone, and this just in...I lost my job.
It's really hard to be thankful for anything when you just want to curl up in a ball and lie around for a few weeks hoping when you re-emerge life will be better. But, I thought it important to focus on some of the positives that stem from all the negative.
On losing work:
It's not often that we are given a chance in life to have a completely blank slate and rebuild our lives to our exact specifications. In fact, it may never happen to some people. There is usually at least one thing in our lives that is keeping us "here." Well, when I met my ex I didn't have a job and was thinking about moving from Austin, but our relationship started out so wonderfully that I stayed for him. Then I got a great job and when my boyfriend and I broke up, I stayed for work. Now, I am not obligated to person, place or thing and I can figure out what it is I want, where I want to go, what I want to do, who I am want to be and be with. For that, I am thankful.
On losing love:
I had a weird thought the other day when I realized that I am in a strange way thankful for this breakup. It is still painful and I still miss my ex almost every day (the pain of which is compounded by knowing he is happy with someone else and I am still alone) but he actually gave me an amazing gift. He gave me back the excitement of a first kiss with someone who has infinite potential and the thrill of hearing someone tell me he loves me for the first time; and the opportunity to find someone who means those words when he says them. He gave me the chance for true love and happiness. For that, I am thankful.
On being alone:
It's been exactly 4 weeks from the day I last saw and spoke to my ex. Since the day we met in February of 2009 (before we even started dating) this is by far the longest we have ever gone without contact. It is excruciating. But it has given me a fresh perspective too. When I look back on our relationship I don't see a lot of myself in it. I see a lot of what he wanted, a lot of his friends, and the life he planned, and I see a shell of who I am and what I am capable of just being along for the ride. I guess there is a reason that "hindsight is 20/20" is a popular saying. I finally see that he is not the person he thinks and claims to be, and that I was so enchanted by the words I missed what the actions were saying. So as hard as it it still is, I am FINALLY getting some clarity. For that, I am thankful.
I guess it's not that hard to find things in my life to be thankful for. And for that, I am truly thankful.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Eye Opener
I have a guy friend, Rod, who I kind of fell out of touch with because of my ex. The three of us were in a band together and this guy and I always got along really well. We had a great chemisty and communicated very well non-verbally when practicing and on-stage together (which, if you've ever been in a band you know, is extremely helpful and important).
So, naturally, this chemistry between Rod and myself made my ex uncomfortable and threatened. My ex convinced me that Rod had a crush on me and that for the sake of the band and our relationship, I needed to have a conversation with Rod and explain that I was just not interested. (Which actually wasn't true, because in all honesty, I kind of was - but I never admitted that until now.) I never ended up having a conversation with Rod because I didn't feel it necessary. But in order to appease my ex, I basically stopped doing what came so naturally to Rod and I...communicating with him non-verbally (or as the ex saw it, flirting). I did this for my ex because, as I have said before, I thought it was worth it for the person I loved.
Well, since my ex and I broke up (again) I decided that it was time to try and renew my friendship with Rod. So, he and I have been talking and emailing a lot. And on Saturday night, he met up with me and a friend downtown. (First at Townhouse, then Lucky Loungs and then we made our way over to Barcelons - for the locals ;) We were having a great time, and I couldn't quite tell if he was flirting with me (and I wasn't sure if I was flirting with him) but I had just enough drinks to ask him a very bold question...(by this point, my friend had excused herself and had gone home - smart girl)...
Me: "Can I ask you a personal question?"
Rod: (no hesitation) "Sure"
Me: "Did you ever have a crush on me?"
Rod: "No. Sorry?"
Me: "No, it's not a big deal, I was just curious because [my ex] made such a big deal out of it."
Rod: "Really? I'm sorry to hear that, I would have never wanted to be in the middle."
Me: "No worries, I just think it's really funny that he was wrong."
Rod: "Yeah, the more I think about it, he doesn't read situations very well at all."
Wow, I LOVED that comment! It was so true. My ex wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, and it definitely extended to "perception," meaning he is not perceptive. And I am not the only one who noticed. Which I am going to take one step further and say that if I am right about this, then I am probably right about many of the other things I have realized about my ex, since the breakup. I think I am finally starting to see things with renewed clarity. And it feels great!
P.S. slight frowny face for that fact that Rod doesn't have a thing for me :(
So, naturally, this chemistry between Rod and myself made my ex uncomfortable and threatened. My ex convinced me that Rod had a crush on me and that for the sake of the band and our relationship, I needed to have a conversation with Rod and explain that I was just not interested. (Which actually wasn't true, because in all honesty, I kind of was - but I never admitted that until now.) I never ended up having a conversation with Rod because I didn't feel it necessary. But in order to appease my ex, I basically stopped doing what came so naturally to Rod and I...communicating with him non-verbally (or as the ex saw it, flirting). I did this for my ex because, as I have said before, I thought it was worth it for the person I loved.
Well, since my ex and I broke up (again) I decided that it was time to try and renew my friendship with Rod. So, he and I have been talking and emailing a lot. And on Saturday night, he met up with me and a friend downtown. (First at Townhouse, then Lucky Loungs and then we made our way over to Barcelons - for the locals ;) We were having a great time, and I couldn't quite tell if he was flirting with me (and I wasn't sure if I was flirting with him) but I had just enough drinks to ask him a very bold question...(by this point, my friend had excused herself and had gone home - smart girl)...
Me: "Can I ask you a personal question?"
Rod: (no hesitation) "Sure"
Me: "Did you ever have a crush on me?"
Rod: "No. Sorry?"
Me: "No, it's not a big deal, I was just curious because [my ex] made such a big deal out of it."
Rod: "Really? I'm sorry to hear that, I would have never wanted to be in the middle."
Me: "No worries, I just think it's really funny that he was wrong."
Rod: "Yeah, the more I think about it, he doesn't read situations very well at all."
Wow, I LOVED that comment! It was so true. My ex wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, and it definitely extended to "perception," meaning he is not perceptive. And I am not the only one who noticed. Which I am going to take one step further and say that if I am right about this, then I am probably right about many of the other things I have realized about my ex, since the breakup. I think I am finally starting to see things with renewed clarity. And it feels great!
P.S. slight frowny face for that fact that Rod doesn't have a thing for me :(
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
2 days wiser...
Yesterday I was an emotional mess. Today I feel so much better.
I have been thinking (something I do too much of, too often) that I shouldn't let this recent revelation about my ex having an "Alice" set me back. I mean, when I think about it (there I go again...) him telling me doesn't change anything. He would still be seeing her whether I know or not.
Prior to Monday when the bomb dropped I was doing okay. I was still sad, but as I wrote at the beginning of my post, I had a pretty good two weeks. I have to start believing that I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me. Sounds like a pretty simple concept, right?
Well if he's moved on, then I officially have no excuse not to. So...stay tuned to watch me work on that.
I leave you with two quotes from songs I have found recently that really reflect what I am going through:
"And there were some things that I did not tell him; there were certain things he did not need to know. And there were some days when I did not love him; he didn't understand me. And I don't know why I didn't go." - Ani Difranco, "Rush Hour"
"Who am I kidding? It wasn't meant to be. But you wanted a believer and I needed to believe." - Amanda Marshall, "Why Don't You Love Me"
I have been thinking (something I do too much of, too often) that I shouldn't let this recent revelation about my ex having an "Alice" set me back. I mean, when I think about it (there I go again...) him telling me doesn't change anything. He would still be seeing her whether I know or not.
Prior to Monday when the bomb dropped I was doing okay. I was still sad, but as I wrote at the beginning of my post, I had a pretty good two weeks. I have to start believing that I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me. Sounds like a pretty simple concept, right?
Well if he's moved on, then I officially have no excuse not to. So...stay tuned to watch me work on that.
I leave you with two quotes from songs I have found recently that really reflect what I am going through:
"And there were some things that I did not tell him; there were certain things he did not need to know. And there were some days when I did not love him; he didn't understand me. And I don't know why I didn't go." - Ani Difranco, "Rush Hour"
"Who am I kidding? It wasn't meant to be. But you wanted a believer and I needed to believe." - Amanda Marshall, "Why Don't You Love Me"
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Deep Dark October
First, I must apologize for not posting for so long. I've been a bit of a mess. (Actually, I think calling it a "bit" is a "major" understatement).
I have been really struggling with this breakup, again. And I hesitated to post because I was (am) afraid that most of what I have to say is not very positive or funny as the title of my blog would indicate. In fact, it's mostly negative and heartbreaking. But, I guess true heartbreak is an "Adventure in Dating" just not one I recommend pursuing.
For the past two weeks, I have been walking around feeling a lot better. I thought I had accepted that he and I were over and I really thought I was ready to be friends. I was pursuing a friendly relationship with him, emailing him articles I knew he would think were funny and texting when I had seen a great concert I know he would have liked...
We were friends before we started dating and I wanted to get some of that back. Because more than I missed the physical parts of our relationship, I missed our friendship.
I thought things were going pretty well (as I so often seem to do with him, only to later be proven very very wrong). He was not responding to every single one of my messages, but mostly all of them, in a relatively timely fashion. I didn't take it personally because I thought it was hard for him too...this whole break up thing.
He texted me last week to say he had a shirt I had lent him (I had given it to him, but whatever) and did I want it back? I said I thought he wanted it but if he was going to get rid of it, then yes, I would take it back. Plus he also had another t-shirt, some expensive facial sunscreen, and a tupperware of mine, could he bring that too? He said he wasn't going to mention the tupperware, but sure he'd bring it.
He came over last night to drop the stuff off. And truth be told, I really wanted to see him. It's been since we broke up (for the LAST time) on September18th that we have seen eachother. (SIDE NOTE: I should have known better). I invited him in to chat. We caught up about what's going on in our lives. I asked him how his Halloween weekend was and he said it was fun. He went out "big" on Thursday and Friday and took it easy on Saturday and Sunday. He told me he dressed as the Mad Hatter on Thursday. Then I made my mistake...I said...
"Oh, cool. Did anyone else dress up with you?"
He said, "Yes, I had an Alice."
"Oh," I said, "You had an Alice?"
"Yes," he said, "I have and Alice. It was a planned thing. That's why the dropping off of the stuff is happening."
I said I was surprised, and that I was happy for him. And then said, "Wait, no I'm not."
He tried to make a little more polite conversation after that, but I just wanted him to leave. I think I am mostly mad that I gave him the satisfaction of seeing my face when he told me. He must have seen all the color drain from my face and the internal struggle that took place to hold back the tears. He left a few minutes later without much fanfare. He said goodbye and didn't look back. I closed the door and locked it.
So here I am, now unable to even be friends with him and so angry at myself for LITERALLY opening the door for him to hurt me again. I have no clue why he felt the need to hurt me again, I never hurt him and I certainly didn't deserve it. I KNOW this guy is a selfish, manipulative jerk, that he came over to my house with the purpose of telling me he was seeing someone just to make sure I still had feelings for him, and I should hate him. All of this I know. In my head.
Now I just have to wait for my heart to catch up. And the incident last night has definitely set me back some. It definitely hurts that he was so quick to move on from me, it makes me feel like what we had wasn't as special as I believed it to be. But I need to confront all these things, I need to realize that moving on is what's best for me, and even though it feels like a step backward, maybe it will propel me forward several steps knowing we are truly, truly, in the truest sense of the word, done.
I have been really struggling with this breakup, again. And I hesitated to post because I was (am) afraid that most of what I have to say is not very positive or funny as the title of my blog would indicate. In fact, it's mostly negative and heartbreaking. But, I guess true heartbreak is an "Adventure in Dating" just not one I recommend pursuing.
For the past two weeks, I have been walking around feeling a lot better. I thought I had accepted that he and I were over and I really thought I was ready to be friends. I was pursuing a friendly relationship with him, emailing him articles I knew he would think were funny and texting when I had seen a great concert I know he would have liked...
We were friends before we started dating and I wanted to get some of that back. Because more than I missed the physical parts of our relationship, I missed our friendship.
I thought things were going pretty well (as I so often seem to do with him, only to later be proven very very wrong). He was not responding to every single one of my messages, but mostly all of them, in a relatively timely fashion. I didn't take it personally because I thought it was hard for him too...this whole break up thing.
He texted me last week to say he had a shirt I had lent him (I had given it to him, but whatever) and did I want it back? I said I thought he wanted it but if he was going to get rid of it, then yes, I would take it back. Plus he also had another t-shirt, some expensive facial sunscreen, and a tupperware of mine, could he bring that too? He said he wasn't going to mention the tupperware, but sure he'd bring it.
He came over last night to drop the stuff off. And truth be told, I really wanted to see him. It's been since we broke up (for the LAST time) on September18th that we have seen eachother. (SIDE NOTE: I should have known better). I invited him in to chat. We caught up about what's going on in our lives. I asked him how his Halloween weekend was and he said it was fun. He went out "big" on Thursday and Friday and took it easy on Saturday and Sunday. He told me he dressed as the Mad Hatter on Thursday. Then I made my mistake...I said...
"Oh, cool. Did anyone else dress up with you?"
He said, "Yes, I had an Alice."
"Oh," I said, "You had an Alice?"
"Yes," he said, "I have and Alice. It was a planned thing. That's why the dropping off of the stuff is happening."
I said I was surprised, and that I was happy for him. And then said, "Wait, no I'm not."
He tried to make a little more polite conversation after that, but I just wanted him to leave. I think I am mostly mad that I gave him the satisfaction of seeing my face when he told me. He must have seen all the color drain from my face and the internal struggle that took place to hold back the tears. He left a few minutes later without much fanfare. He said goodbye and didn't look back. I closed the door and locked it.
So here I am, now unable to even be friends with him and so angry at myself for LITERALLY opening the door for him to hurt me again. I have no clue why he felt the need to hurt me again, I never hurt him and I certainly didn't deserve it. I KNOW this guy is a selfish, manipulative jerk, that he came over to my house with the purpose of telling me he was seeing someone just to make sure I still had feelings for him, and I should hate him. All of this I know. In my head.
Now I just have to wait for my heart to catch up. And the incident last night has definitely set me back some. It definitely hurts that he was so quick to move on from me, it makes me feel like what we had wasn't as special as I believed it to be. But I need to confront all these things, I need to realize that moving on is what's best for me, and even though it feels like a step backward, maybe it will propel me forward several steps knowing we are truly, truly, in the truest sense of the word, done.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Old habits...
So, ever since I had lunch last week with my ex, he's been consuming most of my "free thinking" time. I wonder what he is up to, if he's thinking about me too, and most frustratingly - is he seeing someone?
My plan was to wait until he contacted me again for another date, but it didn't entirely work out as I had planned...
I came home tipsy from brunch on Sunday and proceeded to mid-day drunk text (SO much worse than a 2am drunk text because at least whomever is on the recieving end of a 2am text can pretty much assume you were drunk when you wrote it - this is not the case for a 1:30pm Sunday text - who in their right mind would assume someone would be drunk texting at that hour?)
Me: Thinking of you and smiling... (this was true. But - and I regress to my middle school years to say this - "gag me with a spoon!")
Him: Nice to hear, how was tubing? Went to Krause Springs today, was packed.
...we proceeded to update eachother on our respective weekends...nothing juicy (well, not that I shared with him anyway) or to advance this plot so I'm just gonna spare you the details.
His last text was late on Sunday night, so I didn't reply until Monday morning.
Me: Glad you had a good weekend :)
Him: Worn out, it's been tight quarters in the efficiency (he had 3 friends in town), and we've been doing a lot, I need a break.
Me: Yeah, I bet. Well if you wanna grab a meal or something this week, I'm game. Just lemme know.
Him: Ok when ya thinking?
Me: Friday?
Him: Sounds like good potential, let's touch base as the week goes along, cool?
Excuse me? Um, no, it is not "cool" to "better plans" me!
Me: Slightly insulting. but okay... :)
Him: Just want to check with the guys to see what is going on
Since when do you need permission from your guy friends to make plans without them? Or (and what I think is the more likely option) you are checking with the girl you are seeing to make sure she can hang out on Saturday night...
Me: Haha...that didn't help :). It's fine. Talk soon.
Him: I want to hang out with you :)
Then act like it!!
Me: good.
So Tuesday morning he texted to confirm we were still on for Friday. I said yes. I have been anxious about it all week. I am confused about where we're at. After our lunch he told me he still has feelings for me, so is this a date? I guess I'll find out on Friday - and let ya'll know shortly after that :)
My plan was to wait until he contacted me again for another date, but it didn't entirely work out as I had planned...
I came home tipsy from brunch on Sunday and proceeded to mid-day drunk text (SO much worse than a 2am drunk text because at least whomever is on the recieving end of a 2am text can pretty much assume you were drunk when you wrote it - this is not the case for a 1:30pm Sunday text - who in their right mind would assume someone would be drunk texting at that hour?)
Me: Thinking of you and smiling... (this was true. But - and I regress to my middle school years to say this - "gag me with a spoon!")
Him: Nice to hear, how was tubing? Went to Krause Springs today, was packed.
...we proceeded to update eachother on our respective weekends...nothing juicy (well, not that I shared with him anyway) or to advance this plot so I'm just gonna spare you the details.
His last text was late on Sunday night, so I didn't reply until Monday morning.
Me: Glad you had a good weekend :)
Him: Worn out, it's been tight quarters in the efficiency (he had 3 friends in town), and we've been doing a lot, I need a break.
Me: Yeah, I bet. Well if you wanna grab a meal or something this week, I'm game. Just lemme know.
Him: Ok when ya thinking?
Me: Friday?
Him: Sounds like good potential, let's touch base as the week goes along, cool?
Excuse me? Um, no, it is not "cool" to "better plans" me!
Me: Slightly insulting. but okay... :)
Him: Just want to check with the guys to see what is going on
Since when do you need permission from your guy friends to make plans without them? Or (and what I think is the more likely option) you are checking with the girl you are seeing to make sure she can hang out on Saturday night...
Me: Haha...that didn't help :). It's fine. Talk soon.
Him: I want to hang out with you :)
Then act like it!!
Me: good.
So Tuesday morning he texted to confirm we were still on for Friday. I said yes. I have been anxious about it all week. I am confused about where we're at. After our lunch he told me he still has feelings for me, so is this a date? I guess I'll find out on Friday - and let ya'll know shortly after that :)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Reconnecting...
I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend yesterday (yes, the one who broke my heart less than 2 months ago...)
I don't know what compelled me, but I started a text dialogue with him on Tuesday morning - I knew he was home visiting his family on the East Coast (since we had initially planned the trip together) - so I asked him how is trip had been and how his family was, etc.
Basically, I was putting "feelers" out to see how he would respond, or if he would respond at all. He replied to my text in a matter of minutes. As an aside, I do have to say that one of his more attractive qualities was his lack of game-playing (in the micro sense). We had a text conversation that lasted the span of the ENTIRE day, and when I say "entire" I mean from 8am to 10pm. Whoa.
Throughout the course of our convo, I told him I was auditioning for American Idol. As another aside, a huge aspect of our relationship related to music, we both love it, have the same taste in it, and play it (we were in a band together), so it felt like a natural thing to tell him.
He asked me to please let him know when it was my turn to sing so he could send me positive energy during the audition. A third aside, he is very spiritual, and I would consider myself to "dabble" in spirituality. I thought that was really sweet. So, when the audition was over and I didn't make the cut (not entirely unexpected since I auditioned on a whim and didn't take it very seriously) I texted him that I now had the whole day free and would he like to get some lunch? He agreed and we met up at a great Thai place up on Lamar and North Loop, Titaya.
We had a great time! I am actually kinda shocked about it. We laughed, we joked, we teased eachother, we were both smiling the whole time. Not one awkward pause, not one word spoken about our relationship...just. plain. fun. I left him with a huge smile on my face. Hugged him, told him I had a great time and that it was so nice to see him. He told me it was nice to see me too and that I looked amazing!
Now the interesting part... about an hour later he texted:
Him: "That was fun, I wish we would have had more time to catch up"
Me (trying to keep it light, and not entirely sharing his sentiment that I wish we would have had more time together): I agree, it was really fun. We'll just have more time the next time :)
Him: Sounds good, tho I'll admit, I'm still very attracted to you, both emotionally and physically...
What!?!?!?! Excuse me, did I just hallucinate? I didn't even know what to say! I felt robbed of the opportunity to have heard the tone in his voice and the look on his face when he said that, and as such didn't really know what he meant by it.
1. Does he mean that he's not ready to "hang out" with me because he still has feelings for me?
2. Does he want to "hang out" with me because he still has feelings for me?
3. Was he trying to bait me in to admitting that I still have feelings for him?
Whatever it was, I didn't take the bait. I called him on the phone (cause that's what mature people do) and asked him what he meant by that. He said he just wanted me to know how he felt. That if we were to hang out again he wants to be upfront that he still has feelings for me, and that while he was home he had moments of feeling like a complete idiot for letting me go.
Whoa.
I have to say, I am not upset by this turn of events. BUT, I also have to say, I am not about to jump back into a relationship with him. What I will do is go on some dates with him (much like I am doing with the new guys I meet) and see how things play out.
It's tough because I have been spending a lot of time convincing myself that he is not right for me, focusing on all his flaws, and convincing myself that I don't want to be with him (something I HAD to do in order to get over him). What now might be the problem, is I may have started to believe myself.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
A (little) background on me.
I just jumped into the blog-o-sphere last week with little explanation of who I am...but, I don't want to get too in-depth up front because I figure many of my stories will relate in some way to experiences I've had in the past and I would like for those of you reading this to learn about me organically.
So, all that being said - I'm just gonna fill you in on where I am at, right now.
My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me about a month ago...it has been really tough. As hurt as I am by the whole experience, I am well on my way to realizing that it was all for the best. As much as we loved and cared for each other, our plans for the future didn't quite allign and if we would have eneded up together in the end, it's very possible that neither of us would have reached our true potential for happiness.
I have quickly thrust myself back into the dating scene, something I didn't particularly want to have to go through again, but I have always considered myself to be generally "good at being single."
So, here I go again, on another quest for "the one," or rather "someone," whom I can spend the rest of my life with. A month out of a relationship this still seems like a pretty lofty ambition, but I'll get there eventually. (I hope).
So, all that being said - I'm just gonna fill you in on where I am at, right now.
My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me about a month ago...it has been really tough. As hurt as I am by the whole experience, I am well on my way to realizing that it was all for the best. As much as we loved and cared for each other, our plans for the future didn't quite allign and if we would have eneded up together in the end, it's very possible that neither of us would have reached our true potential for happiness.
I have quickly thrust myself back into the dating scene, something I didn't particularly want to have to go through again, but I have always considered myself to be generally "good at being single."
So, here I go again, on another quest for "the one," or rather "someone," whom I can spend the rest of my life with. A month out of a relationship this still seems like a pretty lofty ambition, but I'll get there eventually. (I hope).
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