Full (Dis)Closure

I broke down and sent a text (um, some texts) to Parker last night... I just felt that as I kept talking to people they kept telling me that he would probably realize he over reacted and call me and I just wasn't sure they we're right and the anxious feeling in my stomach of not knowing and feeling like it was over-but--maybe-not-over was a bit too much.

This what I wrote:

I keep going back over things in my head and I’m at a bit of a loss for how things unraveled so quickly given how much we seem to like each other and all the things we have in common. I’m really sad and I’ve been beating myself up for how things went down. I’d still like to think this is fixable and that it’s worth fixing; I hope you do too – Not so long ago a pretty smart man told me these things take work and talking.

This was what he wrote back:

Hey. Thanks for reaching out. You are a great person and I did really like you. It hasn't been fun for me either since Friday but I do feel it was the right decision. I'm sorry.

I actually feel a bit better and stronger knowing that I am not waiting for a phone call that is never going to come. I do still think it is a little strange that through all his claims of feelings for me (the very ones I doubted that eventually caused this debacle) he was so willing to give me up that easily. Perhaps ultimately I may not have gotten the whole story - that, I think may have been the Elephant in the room the whole time - it wasn't about time or Fridays or Saturdays, that's why his effort wasn't enough for me. He was shutting me out, from something.

I wrote him back one more text - I didn't expect him to respond and he didn't:

I'm sorry too. You know, you told me once that you sometimes let your emotions get the best of you, both the good ones and the bad ones, so you just push people away. Maybe with some time you'll realize the last thing I wanted was to ruin what we had. I made a mistake, I know I pressured you and I shouldn't have, and I feel awful about it. If you like me as much as you say you did, hopefully you'll figure out how to forgive me and maybe we can try this again one day.

I know... I laid it on a bit thick. Because I don't think I was entirely in the wrong - just my methods - but I do think it just might be bad timing and he needed an out, for now, and some time to figure himself out until he can give me (or someone) what I (or they) need. Maybe we just need a break to reset. Or maybe we're just actually done. As Justin Bobby from The Hills says, "Truth and time tells all."

At least he didn't respond with an "I don't think so," or "Please don't contact me anymore." Ha.

So...back to the dating bender.  On the upside, since Parker and I started dating, Tinder became all the rage, and truth be told I was kinda dying to give it a whirl. ;-)

Not the Way I Planned It

This is a post I was hoping I would never have to write, in fact, I started writing this post two days ago but couldn't bring myself to finish it until this morning - today would have been our 2 monthiversary. At approximately 4:36pm Pacific time on Friday, August 16th, Parker said he was done and walked away.

The only reason I know the exact time is because I called my mom almost immediately and cried.

I'm honestly really surprised that my attempts at wanting to spend more time with him resulted in him wanting to stop seeing me altogether, I mean, I'm not surprised that happens, I'm just surprised it happened with him. How do you give up so easily on something you have invested so much into? It's heartbreaking.

Here's the whole story...

On Wednesday, even though I knew he had plans in the evening, I suggested that I come over after work and wait out traffic with him until he had to leave for his game - I suggested that maybe we could have an early dinner.

He said that he had to leave early for his game so he wouldn't have time for dinner, but if I could come over around 5:00 we could spend about an hour and half together. It wasn't ideal, and in looking back I should have said no, but I went over anyway because I knew that if I didn't take advantage of the time I wouldn't see him until Sunday. Pathetic, I know.

So I went over to his house to take the measely hour and a half of a bone he was throwing me, (figuratively and literally because we had a quickie) and then he left to do what he was going to do for the night. What I didn't communicate is that while he thought he was "doing better" by making more time for me - I left feeling cheap and pathetic for being willing to settle for someone who can only squeee me into his schedule for sex in between the things he really wants to do and the people he really wants to spend his time with.

The next night we were texting back and forth (as per usual) about what we were doing that evening. I was already slightly annoyed because I had invited him to come with me to a film screening and out for drinks at the W Hotel afterwards but he wanted to go to the Santa Monica Pier music series (more that he wanted to spend time with me) since he hadn't been to one since he had gotten home from his trip. So asked him what he was doing the next night - Friday - and held my breath.  He said he was having dinner at his friend Matt's house again. That it was their monthly "family dinner" but this one was in honor of Matt's mom who had recently passed away even though that had been the excuse he had been using all the previous week too.

Now, before you go thinking I am some spoiled brat who doesn't realize that, yes, this is a legitimate excuse for him not being able to see me - I feel terrible that his friend's mother passed away. Terrible. And I definitely understand why it might not have been a good time for me to come around last weekend when he first got back into town - (and also might I remind you of that whole lying debacle where Parker didn't even GO to dinner one of the nights, but I digress...) but their monthly family dinner? Were they really going to sit around and talk about his mom the whole time? I am not an inappropriate person, I know how to behave in group situations...I wanted to be included, I wanted to be let in. I don't think that was too much to be asking. We were supposed to be in an exclusive relationship - that's what people in a relationship DO - spend time together; integrate each other into their lives. So I was getting increasingly frustrated.

What ended up happening is I sent a text - a text that I now very much regret - that said this:

Parker, I'm not interested in having a text relationship. I want to spend time with the person I am dating.

I was really just hoping to elicit a reaction from him because I have obviously (to you, to me, to my family and friends) been feeling so frustrated and confused. And I have NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, engaged in, let alone started a text message fight. Now I know why. What unfolded was a series of argumentative texts that ended with me wanting to talk and him wanting to go to bed and talk the next day. I hate going to bed mad, but I figured I would let him sleep on it and we'd kiss and make up.

He said he would call me the next day after he was done with work, but I suggested he come by my office and we take a walk - because I wanted to kiss and make up in person! Haha. :-( Yeah, so basically that means he was prepared to break it off with me over the phone too. The jerk evidence keeps on piling up.

When he got to my office we walked across the street and sat at some tables outside of a Starbuck's - he said he wanted to start and basically proceeded to tell me that he was done. I asked him if I should even bother telling him what I thought. He said he did but he was so angry sitting there I doubt he heard a word I said and in the end it didn't make one bit of difference because he still didn't want to keep dating me, and I was still in heartbroken shock.

What he said it basically boiled down to was that I had brought up the issue only four days prior - he thought he had been doing better making an effort and now that he realized he hadn't he doesn't think that ANYTHING he did would ever satisfy me. (As if inviting me for a last-minute lunch and and afterthought movie invite is real effort). I tried to explain that the reason it was coming up again was because I didn't feel like I really ended up saying what I needed to say before and now that things were on the table we could continue to talk about it. What I should have said was that I needed to be MORE explicit about the kind of effort I wanted i.e. We are in an exclusive relationship I expect that you will spend either Friday or Saturday night with me every weekend. Period. It doesn't have to be just us, but we should be together. F*ck. I never should have let him try to figure it out on his own.

So now I am beating myself up for pushing him to get "more serious" and spend "more time with me" so soon like every crazy, relationship mistake-making girl in the world and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Even though everyone tells me I was right for wanting what I wanted and asking for it - and if he really liked me he would have given it to me instead of using it as an excuse for bolting, it doesn't make me feel any better.

The only thing I can do now if pick myself up and move on.

(PS - Sorry for some of the errors and weird grammar, I'll review and edit at a later date, I just can't go back over it right now - in more ways than one).

Dating Bender: Episode 4 - "Accidental Vindication"

Let me just say that forgoing my pride and deciding to spend the day with Parker was one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.

I met him at a house party in Venice - like a true Gentleman he met me out front,
walked in with me and promptly introduced me to all his friends. To my (pleasant) surprise they had all heard of me and were excited to meet me. (Excuse me, who is this guy and how is he possibly so awesome?)

We hung out at the house for a little over an hour and then at the prompting of one of Parker's friends, decided to walk over to try and check out some of the live music that was happening around town - since there did happen to be a Music Festival going on in Venice, after all.

Two stops and shaking a third-wheel later, we ended up finding two really great bands! And for as much as time as we spent talking on our first date - we pretty much spent this date making out and not being able to keep our hands off one another, when we were able to sneak off and find moments alone, of course. ;-)

After the bands we walked to a different friend's house to join the BBQ-in-progress and join in on some board game fun. Here is the BEST PART - (not really the best part, because obviously the finding of the amazing guy who you really like and who likes you back and is not playing games with you is really the real best part...but...) as Parker and I were walking back from the bar acting all couple-y and love drunk from our public make-out session and grope fest (whatever, don't judge me) we were walking arm in arm practically skipping down the street - and guess who I saw, or more importantly, guess who I saw see me? As in, we made direct eye contact and held it for a good 10 seconds as we walked past each other on the street. Wait for it...

TMBOG2. No, I am not kidding.

I understand this is the kind of thing that you always wish would  happen, never actually happens in real life and only happens in the movies, but as I live and breathe it. freakin'. happened. to me. As continued walking down the street, I couldn't help but think of that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie is out with the New Yankee and runs into Big for the first time and feels so vindicated because she had accomplished the "perfect first meeting." Well Parker is TOTALLY my New Yankee! Except I didn't cry in his mouth when he kissed me - I actually realized I traded up and am so much happier to be spending my time with someone who can't get enough of me rather than some scard-y cat who got freaked out by a well planned meal. And obviously the joke was on TMBOG2 because while he was getting all freaked out that I was super into him, I was clearly seeing other people.

So, we got to house party number 2, and when all was said and done, we played 3 different games - the goal was to stay up to see the super moon at 4:32 am - I kinda love his friends! They are genuine, goofy and were so nice to me, particularly since I was a random girl Parker just brought around after 1 date. I also got the sense that they really like Parker and THAT is a very good sign. Parker and I only made it to 1:30 - made out a little bit more in his car before he dropped me back off at mine. (It was not easy forcing myself to get out of his car to go home - I could have kissed that man all night). He told me to text him that I made it home safely and we spent the rest of the night texting until we both fell asleep.

Uh oh. I mean, this is good, but this is bad. Sounds like we are both falling hard and fast. BUT - I am still trying to keep my head on straight, so I am keeping my date with Mr. Sunday today and am actually still excited about it (although I can't seem to get the feeling of Parker's hands roaming all over my body out of my mind...nor do I want to) ;-)

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Dating Bender: Episode 3 - "Putt Putt Putz" & Bonus Blog: "Playing It Cool, Fail."

Stats -
Name: Abe
Age: 33
Height: 5'11"
Occupation: Movie Biz (Production)
Hometown: Somewhere in North Carolina
Currently Resides: The Valley (do I need to say ugh, again?)
The Date: Drinks and Mini-golf (points for creativity!)

This was my first real "awkward first date" experience. Abe was nice, I liked him, and we generally had a good time... Wait, let me back up a minute...

We decided to meet for a drink in The Valley since the best mini-golf place is there and I suggested 7pm. I left my place around 6:15 knowing that it usually only takes me 40 minutes max. to get over the hill (I apologize to my non-LA readers if this is not making sense to you...). At 6:55 when I was still on Sunset I sent a text that I was going to be "very" late, not wanting to specify a time since I had no idea how much longer it was going to take me at that point.

Fast forward another 30 minutes and I had finally arrived at this (actually) great little Gastropub we were meeting at. But, with over an hour in the car, it really got me thinking. My first serious relationship was long distance: I lived in Austin and he lived in Dallas. That's a 2 1/2 hour drive. What I disliked most about that relationship was how disconnected we were from each other's everyday lives because spending time together was always an "event." We weren't integrated into each other's social circles and essentially were taking mini-vacations every time we spent weekends together - and I vowed never to get into a long-distance relationship ever again. What I mean to say by all that back-story is, dating someone that takes over an hour to get to on a Friday night is kind of like having a long-distance relationship particularly if you plan to go home that evening as well. All told, I was in the car for 1:45 last night getting to and from the date...I could be almost to Dallas by now! (If I still lived in Austin, I mean ;-) So already before the date I had kind of decided that this guy would have to be REALLY special for me to consider him a real prospect. He was dating at a disadvantage, which I'll admit is not really fair, but hey, them's the breaks.

On to the the date: the reason it was awkward - every time he did or said something he thought was awkward, he said it! Like, "oh I can't believe I said that", or "oh, that was awkward."  It was kind of endearing at first but then it just got a little annoying. Dude, let me make up my own mind! If he hadn't kept pointing it out, I wouldn't have noticed, I just thought he was funny. But I was still mostly having fun.

So after mini-golf we walked back to his car (we met at the gastropub and I left my car) and he asked me, "so how much do you want to see me again?" We had brought a flask of whiskey to mini-golf so it was funny at the time and actually not weird. So I responded with, "you should tell me on a scale of 1-5 how much you think I want to see you again." (Trying to get a little inside info. for my blog...hehe) He misinterpreted and asked, "How much do I want to see you again on a scale of 1-5?" So I said, "Even better! Sure." And he said 3. HE. FREAKING. SAID. 3. I was like, "okay, cool. You wanna take me to my car?"

He couldn't understand why I was annoyed, so I explained to him that 60% is not good. He tried to reason that 5 out of 5 seems too eager but he probably should have said 4 out of 5. I asked him why he would want to date someone who would be freaked out by you being eager to see them again? We decided to go grab one more beer to try and salvage the evening, but there were no seats so we ended up standing by the bathroom and he proceeded to tell me about his effed up sisters.

Still, I chalked up the end of the night to us having spent WAY too much time together on the first date, him being nervous, and relatively new to being back on the market, me asking a dumb question and then getting mad about it only because I had whiskey in my system and decided I would give him a quick peck when he dropped me off to indicate I was willing to try again.

So I leaned over to give him my hug/peck move and I got the cheek! W.T.F.!?!? All I could say was..."oh, wow." And I got out of the car. He felt like an idiot because he got out of the car and came to kiss me as I was unlocking the door to my car, and apologized for not realizing "that's what was happening." But, seriously, dude? You can't possibly be that bad at dating.

Chances I'll hear from this guy again: 3 out of 5 (lol)

BONUS BLOG: Thursday night I had plans with my girl Kelly. She is a dancer and had a show that I went to go see...while I was out I got the cutest messages from Parker; the man is really not into game-playing. Me like-y.

Him: What are you getting into tonight?

Me: At my friend's show and then going to a CD release later

Why are you so cool? Hah That sounds like a lot of fun?

Haha, you just happened to catch me on a rare cool night ;-)

Haha. Well sounds like you've got a great night ahead of you. I'll probably lay relatively low tonight, I have a late night tomorrow 

...and we had a late night last night :-)

Yeah we did. A great one :-D Was worth it.

Agreed.

Wish it wasn't going to be until next Thursday that we go out but I'll take it - though I'm going to the Venice Music Crawl on Saturday and then a friend's house party so if you have any interest in coming to the Westside let me know.

I know...damn our opposite social calendars! I'll let you know if anything changes.

Well, fast-forward to after last night - and on the heels of Monday night's date fail and I started thinking...I really like Parker; we had so much fun and our Chemistry is undeniable. I think I was a bit spoiled because that is how I felt with TMBOG2 and then I felt it again with Parker so soon so I might not have noticed how rare it actually is. (Kudos, Dating Bender for teaching me lessons!) So I this is what I sent to Parker this morning:

Me: Good morning sunshine :-) How was your night hike?

Hey! Really cool, but I'm a little sore. Got some cool pics though. How are you?

I'm good! A little sunburned from my Runyon hike yesterday, but I'll live.

No fun, sorry to hear that. What are you getting into today?

I have a BBQ to go to at noon, it's a going away party. But, I realized that I don't want to wait until Thursday to see you again either...so I was hoping the invite for the Venice Music thing is still on the table :-)

Yeah, for sure :-) And I'd love to see you today!

Cool, I'll let you know when I head to the Westside.

 Umm...so how cute is that? "I'd love to see you today!" Good thing the feeling is mutual or I'd be muy creeped out by how into me this guy is. 

So, EPIC FAIL for playing it cool with Parker, but he is making it awfully hard. I am a sucker for a man who pursues me. And don't worry, I am still going to date bend. Mr. Sunday and I are meeting for patio drinks tomorrow. Stay Tuned.

Juggling

Yeesh! So, one critical aspect of this whole dating bender idea that I didn't fully think through is the management of it. Keeping track of a bunch of guys, who they are, what they do, where they are from, what their families are like, etc. etc... is really complicated. Not to mention, when and where our plans are and where we actually are in the pre-dating, "making plans" process.

Case-in-point: Yesterday I got a phone call from a guy who had said he was going to call me over the weekend (meaning last weekend) to make plans this week. I had totally forgotten because he didn't call and now I am obviously VERY booked. His excuse was quite legitimate - a sick grandfather that he had to care for - but now I have this extra guy I have to fit into the rotation...oops! I guess he is just gonna get bumped to next week... ;-) I'm not complaining, this is what I set out to do and too many dates is a good problem to have, right?

Case-in-point #2: A few days ago I got a text message from the guy I have plans with tonight (Friday) wanting to confirm our plans and I also got a text message from the guy I had plans with on Wednesday confirming out plans for Wednesday. Obviously I responded to the Wednesday guy because he was the priority - but then I totally left the Friday guy hanging for over 24 hours because I straight up forgot about him! That's not usually my style, because it comes off as game-playing, but I guess that's kinda the point of this thing - to not let any one guy take up too much of my time. Well, it's already working...overtime!

That is why I have instituted the "Stats" listings that you may have seen on a couple of the posts so far. As I go through I may add some categories, particularly as I (hopefully) start to go on some second dates with a few of the guys. I've also taken to keeping notes on their "contact" entries in my phone.

Given the above, I'm starting to feel a little bit like this is a sociological experiment rather than fun dating - what do y'all think?

Dating Bender: Episode 2 - "Enter Parker"

Stats -
Name: Parker
Age: 30
Height: 6'0"
Occupation: Teacher (cute)
Education: Master's Degree (woot woot!)
Hometown: Boston
Currently Resides: Mid-City
The Date: Drinks at a bar/restaurant in Weho

Parker is actually one of the only guys I contacted first, and it was because we had this coincidental connection about our parents being from the same place and having relocated to the same city and having conflicting sports allegiances - but usually I like to let the guy make the first move.

When I walked in, he was already waiting for me at the bar - he was just as cute, if not cuter, than his pictures. (yay!) Pretty much from the moment I sat down, the conversation flowed like we were old friends who hadn't seen each other in years; we talked about music, food, our families, his "kids" (he's a teacher, see above)...for 6 hours! It was pretty ridiculous how much we have in common.

I'm not going to recount all of our conversation for you, for obvious reasons, but early on in the evening I ordered a drink and since he had already started a tab the bartender asked if he should put it on his tab and he said "yes." I said, "thanks."

Then we ordered our second round and the bartender didn't ask, he just put the drinks on Parker's tab, which makes sense.

I started to get hungry, so I said, "I'm think I am going to order a little something, are you hungry? He said, "I can always eat." I LOVE that answer. So we (and by "we" I mean I) ordered a steamed artichoke and seared tuna appetizers just for a little snack. The bartender, again just put it on Parker's tab.

At that point I felt a little bad so I said to Parker, "We can split up the bill later if you want." I didn't want him to think I was taking advantage because the tab issue is a little different than the bill coming at the end of the night, since his credit card is already being held by the bartender. (As you ladies know, the check moment is THE moment when you get feedback on how the date is going, and it usually comes at the end, I got it in the middle).

BONUS BLOG: When on a date, especially the first date (but I suggest all the way through date 3) you must always offer and BE PREPARED TO pay for your half of the date. I never offer to pay for the whole thing and once they've said "no, don't worry about it," don't insist on paying, that's weird. It's personal preference but, I usually don't do the wallet reach since it usually looks disingenuous and my purse it usually so disorganized it's just a bunch of me fumbling around in there for 5 minutes. I'll just casually say, "Hey, do you want to split this?" If he says "yes" then he is not that into you, girl and you are not getting a follow-up phone call. If he lets you split it and then tries to follow up with you, I HIGHLY suggest you respectfully decline. A couple important notes: 1. Just because he does pay does not necessarily mean you are getting a second date, he might just have been raised right. 2. If you don't do the cursory "offer" that might be a deal-breaker for some guys because it appears that you were not raised right. 3. If you are not into a guy and you don't want the second date, don't bother with any of this and let him pay, if it's mutual and he's a real jerk though, he may call you out and make you pay your part. ;-)

So, where was I? Oh yes...Parker and I... I offered to split the bill later even though it was the middle of the date since I had just put food on his tab instead of opening up my own tab. He was so sweet and said, "don't worry about it, this is my treat." But then we actually got onto a conversation about dating etiquette which I thought was really funny given that we were only on a first date. But we felt so comfortable with each other it didn't seem weird that we were essentially talking about the politics of dating while just getting to know each other. We even exchanged our worst first date stories.

He told me that if he really likes a girl after a date he'll text her that same night and let her know he had a good time. So, of course I teased him that at least I would know later if tonight went well or not. I told him I was surprised he did the "same night text", but if I have a good time, and particularly on a night like tonight (when we spent 6 hours together he bought me 4 expensive mixed cocktails and food) I would send him an "I had a nice time, thank you." text the next day. He said, he's honest and doesn't like to mess around with people. It must be an East Coast thing, but if he doesn't like you, he's not gonna pretend he does and if he does like you, he'll show it. -- I like that.

Fast forward to 1:30 am when we finally closed out... we walked outside the bar and he gave me a sweet peck. The ONE negative to the night is he didn't offer to walk me to my car. And I have to admit, as amazing a time as I had last night, that one sticks with me a bit since I had to walk 2 blocks to my car down Santa Monica Blvd. alone.

When I got home I (obviously) got the same night text -

Him: So tonight was really fun. Looking forward to going out again. If you're free next Wednesday or even this Sunday night let me know. I figure anything that goes almost 6 hours is a good thing ;)

I have a going-away party to go to on Wednesday night next week, and I thought for a moment about canceling my Mr. Sunday to go out with Parker again and then I thought, this is exactly why you are doing a dating bender - to break your old habits! Plus, I'm really excited about Mr. Sunday, we have some seriously good witty text banter. 

Me: Glad I got the post-date text ;-) I had a lot of fun too, clearly. I'm busy Wed and Sun :-( but I definitely want to see you again soon. Let me know what else you have free and let's figure something out.

Him: Clearly you are sooo popular. I'm free next Thursday as well if you are. [Just have other stuff going on Monday and Tuesday nights] Or we can do a hike during the day or something like that. Friday I leave for a wedding.

Me: Thursday is perfect :-)

Him: Thursday it is. :)

Yay! Date number 2 with Parker is already booked for next week. I'm really excited!

This probably goes without saying but, Chances I'll hear from him again: 5 out of 5

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, and this is kind of a bummer, since he's on summer break from school, he is traveling for 3 weeks in July. Not a huge deal, since he is coming back, but that likely means that date number 2 will be our last until after he gets back to town...good thing I have so many other guys to keep me occupied! :-)

Another Text Message Blow-Off Guy.

One would think that one heart wrenching TMBOG would be enough to last a lifetime but noooo, I had to have two of them! And strangely enough they were both what drove me to write and then pick back up this blog. So interesting!

A couple days ago in my post explaining where I have been for the past two and a half years, I mentioned this supposedly great guy that I had been talking to for a couple months. Well, we had just had this amazing date - only our third - despite having been talking for so long, but it had seriously been going great and it wasn't just in my head, I swear. Again, with the third date curse for the TMBOG.

We had gone out on a Wednesday and he was headed out of town for the weekend but he said he wanted to see me again soon, so we had made plans for Sunday night. I suggested he come over to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. We had been talking about it at dinner.

On Friday he sent me a text that he was really excited about seeing me on Sunday (so cute!) and what should he bring? Wine? Dessert?

Immediately, I started thinking, Oh, crap! Does he think I invited him over for dinner? Dinner had not been my intention but rather than obsess about it, I just asked him what time he was getting back to town and if I should make dinner too. He said he would be back late afternoon and certainly didn't expect me to make him dinner but would gladly accept. A great answer, which of course meant I was happy to cook him dinner - so I told him to bring desert.

I now realize Date #3 is WAY TOO SOON for the "cooking dinner for a guy" date, even though it kind of happened organically and accidentally...but I digress and foreshadow...

He came over around 7 - I had some snacks on the coffee table and we opened a nice bottle of red wine that I had around the house. I had prepared dinner to the point that it would only take 20 minutes to finish so we hung out, snacked, talked and then I finished dinner relatively quickly when we started to get hungry. (For the record: I made a Mediterranean Pasta with artichoke hearts, sun dried tomatoes, olives, roasted red peppers, and parmesan cheese with mustard chicken and Greek Salad - honestly, not a huge effort, I like to cook).

As it had been since the moment we started talking, the whole evening was so comfortable (even when we broke one of my wine glasses) we had great conversation, no awkward moments and just a generally amazing time. We ate around 8:30, tuned into GOT at our leisure (thank you DVR), and when it was over, we finished off the bottle of wine and eventually got frisky(!). So freakin' fun. He was an incredible kisser and I know that I was not imagining our chemistry.

At one point he said to me... "I am really trying to be good here."
I said, "I appreciate that...we'll have time to be bad another night."
Then he said, "Then I should probably go before I take off my pants."
To which we both started laughing. Cute, right?
We kissed some more... (and ya know, some other mostly PG-Rated stuff). But it did not go further than that, because I'm a lady!

When he left he kissed me and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, let's do something on Thursday or Friday." A-MAZ-ING! :-)

He did not call me tomorrow.

Instead, two days later I got this (and I quote):

Hey there. So I've been giving this some thought and the truth is, I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm beginning to think that I signed up for [online dating] as a distraction more than anything. So far, you are the only person I have gone out with more than once and as things have progressed, I've realized that it is disingenuous for me to continue. I don't want to lead you on or waste your time. You are really cool girl and I like you a lot, but frankly, my life is at a crossroads and I need to do some soul-searching before I can really be intimately involved with anyone. I'm sure this comes as a surprise and I apologize for that. If you want to have a conversation I'm available to do so later this evening. Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't. I'm truly sorry for wasting your time. -TMBOG2

WTMEF!?!? (What-the-Mother-Effing-F**k!?!?)

Whew, where do I even start? First, let me just say, I didn't even bother to respond. Which was hopefully infuriating or at least unsettling for him.

Now let's take a stab at dissecting this note that puts the "mess" in text message, shall we?

Here's my ("he's a total a**hole") interpretation:

I'm not looking for something serious - I only signed up for online dating to get laid and usually that happens right away, but at most I didn't think it would take this long. Since you haven't slept with me by now, I am not willing to put in any more effort. I liked hanging out with you enough to stick it out until now, but you are clearly looking for a relationship and I don't want one, or at least not with you. Even though I told you I was ready for a relationship, I was lying...to get laid. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, that I'm not sorry. (and when you sign your name, that pretty much means Sayonara forever.)

Here's my ("giving him the benefit of the doubt") interpretation:

I think you might more into me than I am into you, and I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a relationship so quickly with anyone, or with you. I'm a little freaked out and I don't want to be a bad guy so rather than talk about it, I am just going to feed you a bunch of BS about soul-searching and end things now so no one gets hurt. But if you want to talk about it, we can.

The couple things in his original message that really kill me are:
1. "You are a really cool girl and I like you a lot" - why bother telling me he likes me a lot?  Cool, I liked you a lot too, fat-lotta-good that does me now. It is so confusing to me why guys do that... I don't care that you like me anymore. Do they honestly think it will soften the blow? It doesn't, it doesn't make anyone feel better if the overall message is still "goodbye."
2. "If you want to have a conversation I am available to do so..." - What do you mean, if I want to have a conversation? Wouldn't that make me really pathetic? (Yes). You just sent me an epic text telling me you don't want to see me anymore, what do I have to talk to you about? I'm certainly not going to try to change your mind...I have long-standing policy against convincing men to be with me (My Ex, unfortunately, excluded).
3. "Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't." - Well, I wouldn't have thought I did anything wrong until you went out of your way to say that, and now I know I did something wrong and I know what that "something" was. I showed him that I was excited about him too early on. I know that I didn't overtly come on too strong, but it was just the care I took in making dinner and "entertaining" in my home, in general. In how effortlessly and smoothly the night went, he saw how interested I am in something long-term and he freaked, plain and simple. Lesson learned - the hard way. :-(

I told you that I didn't reply, but here is what I wish I would have sent back:

TMBOG2, It would have been nice if you had been the one who wanted to have a conversation about this prior to sending me a text message soliloquy. From what you wrote though, I gather that you have no interest in ever seeing me again, so at this point it doesn't seem that we have anything to discuss. Best, Penny

Okay, enough obsessing. I am actually mostly over it since it happened a couple weeks ago, but hadn't yet put pen to paper about it until today.

Stay tuned tomorrow for another Dating Bender post!

Making a List & Checking it Twice

I was going back through my blog yesterday as I was redesigning it...(PS, what do y'all think of the new look?) and I realize that I mentioned a couple people and things that I said I would update on and then life happened, and those people and things just fell by the wayside. So here is a list of all the people I mentioned so far (in chronological order by post) and my "current status" with that person, plus some new (old) additions worth mentioning...

Text Message Blow-off Guy: we're "friendly," I guess. Because we have mutual friends, I sent him a text a couple days ago to invite him to a group thing and he got back to me that he is out of town.
The 3 Bachelors - #1 and I will always be somewhat in touch, recently not that much but that's part of our usual dynamic. #2 texted me to ask me out again and I respectfully turned him down. The chemistry just wasn't there. #3 was never seen nor heard from again.
Mickey - turns out the "Guy who was currently following her around" became her boyfriend and now I barely see her. I am sad that she turned out to be one of those girls who disappears once she gets into a relationship. Not that I can blame her, I have definitely done that in the past, I just try really hard not to do that anymore.
The Ex - haven't had a word of contact since November 1st. I half expected to hear from him on my birthday if he was ever going to make some sort of effort at being friends. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed, but the farther away I get from the relationship, the easier it is, so I know it's better this way.
Pointless Guy - I gave the big update about him in my last post, but since then, no contact as I predicted. Awkward and predictable, two of my least favorite qualities, haha.
Co-worker Guy - Never made it out on Wednesday which was disappointing. But at least he texted an apology and said he'd "be glad to have a belated birthday celebration and make up for it." I texted him back that I was gonna take him up on his offer to make it up to me and that he should pick a night that works for him. So far, no word. Sad face. :(

...and now some new (old) additions:

Yoga Guy -
He tends bar at one of my favorite neighborhood dives (where I used to hang out at A LOT more that I do now.) and we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. It culminated one night a couple years ago when at the end of a long night he told me he was dog sitting for his parents and had to go take care of them before he went home. Did I want to join him? So off we went...I had no idea what I was in store for... We pulled up at a mansion on Lake Austin and two adorable golden retrievers greeted us in the driveway. We played for a bit and then proceeded inside where Yoga opened a bottle of wine. We hung out for a while until we got a "wild hair" and decided to sneak into the neighbor's pool and go swimming. (In our undies of course, no nudity). We had a great time playing in the pool, and kissing a-lot-a-bit and then called it a night. I woke up and found myself next to this lovely man, in a bay window with the sun streaming in and an amazing view of the lake. Yoga made me breakfast and then he dropped me off at my car. We see each other all the time, and yet nothing like that has ever happened again. Still, I only have the fondest of memories of that night.
So, why do I bring this up you ask? Yoga and I ended up hanging out the other night all night again. We had a great time, he is so easy to spend time with. He's the kind of guy you could imagine never having a fight with because he is so laid back. Well, I wasn't really sure where this spending time together was headed, but toward the end of the night he cut me off at the pass and explained that he was definitely interested in me, but nothing could happen at the moment because he is "kinda seeing someone." And that he needed to have a conversation with her to see where they stood. I actually really respect that because that is how I would want a guy I was seeing to treat me. I'm still not sure what's going on but he has been awfully flirtatious on my facebook page over the past couple days...

The Celebrity -
This guy was by far and away the highlight of my week. At above-mentioned neighborhood dive I found him there having a beer all by his lonesome, and since I had ventured out alone too, I just decided to chat him up. I confessed that I had "watching parties" for the show he is on and surprisingly he seemed to find that charming. :) Ladies of Austin, if you have an inkling as to whom I may be talking about let me assure you that his is fully GORGEOUS and gracious up close and in person. We ended up talking for about an hour and he asked me if I would allow him to buy me a beer (!) It was so fun to flirt unabashedly with him (because again, if you can guess who I am talking about, he is most likely in a relationship and we just don't know about it yet). I told him he should make a cameo at one of my viewing parties and he laughed and said he thought that would be fun. Since I know where he hangs I might have to go say hi to him again one of these days...

Okay, wow this post turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought it would be, so that's all for now.

Oh and also, I totally just got busted writing this blog in public today. I didn't realize how flustered I would get to be found out for writing a blog called "Adventures in Dating." Hahaha, I guess that is just another reason why I decided to keep it anonymous and give everyone nicknames.

And Food Blogger guy who busted me...I hope you looked me up and are reading this! And tell your roommates about it too! ;)

The Period at the End of a Sentence.

Remember the pointless guy? Well, he continues to text me. In all fairness, until today, I've been responding, so I guess I am helping to keep this whole charade/exercise going...but last night was the last straw.

With maybe one or two exceptions, every single time we have texted back and forth he has initiated. This has been going on for a month now. I was out of town for a few weeks to go home for Thanksgiving and New York, but he knew I was getting back into town this week and we had a pseudo date planned for last night.

When I hadn't heard from him by 6:30, thinking he had forgotten or blown me off, I posted on facebook "I'm bored, what should I do tonight?"

My cousin asked me to go to dinner, a peripheral friend (whom I have been contemplating deleting because he keeps asking me out) asked me out for drinks and pointless boy posted "Shenanigans. Always a good choice."

"Hmmm," I thought, "so he checks my facebook..."

I texted him what I thought was an adorably witty response. "So, what's your plan for the evening? Are you available to shenanigise? (v. the act of participating in shenanigans)." Cute, right? :)

He responded with a series of non committal well I'm doing "this" right now and possibly "that" later. I might be tired. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I said, "That's cool, get some sleep." He immediately asked me what I was doing, I told him, told him to get "un-tired" and come out. He said "maybe :)" Through the next series of texts that I won't bore you with quoting specifically, he ended up going out, and not meeting up with me, which infuriated me.

He then decided to text me this morning to ask if I made it home okay last night. What is his deal!?!? I'm not going to find out, cause I have no intention of responding to his texts anymore. Oh well, his loss. Period.

On a side note, I did meet three impossibly adorable boys last night. One of whom gave me his card (which was very slick in the situation because he was the manager of the restaurant my friend K and I ate at, there was clearly chemistry between us and I was trying to figure out the least awkward way to exchange contact info given our situation...), one of whom immediately friended me on facebook, and the other of whom has my number. Phewf! Dating in the high-tech age is full of avenues for contact, isn't it?

Stay tuned...getting back into the single swing of things is certainly turning out to be fun!

Pointless Conversation.

I am currently embroiled in one of the more annoying text conversations I have ever had the misfortune to have started...

I met this guy at a mutual friend's party about a month ago. He is pretty cute (I am a super sucker for dimples) and tall and dark and smart (well, he graduated high school at 16 and had his MBA by 22)...but I was kind of turned off by his arrogant attitude, his taste in music, and our seemingly incompatible senses of humor... So really, I didn't mind that he got my number and never called.

About a week ago (while out drinking with said mutual friend) he came up in conversation and I ended up texting him something sassy like..."You never called, I guess it must have worked out with one of your two bingo girls :)" (I swear that made sense in the context of the conversation we had the first night we met) He explained that he had in fact been involved with one of the girls but "funny that I mention that" it had just ended. We exchanged a few more texts that evening and it kinda just went nowhere and I went to bed.

Well, I got a text from him yesterday...he had found out that I lost my job (again, from said mutual friend - who I am slightly irked at for sharing this news with a practical stranger who never found the balls to ask me out). But he was understanding tried to make me feel better by claiming to be jealous of all the free time I now had which I thought was kinda nice. But again, our texts just went nowhere and I went to bed.

In all fairness, I must admit that both times it was me who chose not to respond to the last text message...

So, this morning I decided to text him and ask how he was spending his free time today...he told me and then asked me what I was up to, I told him that I am spending the day in a coffee shop writing my Grad School application essays (and apparently a blog post too ;) but that "as my reward for my hard work today I want to go out and have some fun tonight..." (Hello??? Hint, mother-effing Hint!) So we have basically been exchanging non-committal (a.k.a. B-S) text messages all afternoon. I can't believe he still hasn't asked me out, this is ridiculous! Dating. Grrrrrr. Oh wait, this isn't even dating...Pre-dating. Even bigger Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

Did I Read the Wrong Signals?

So, remember Text Message Blow Off Guy? His text message was basically the catalyst for the beginning of this blog!

What I left out of the original post is that he is a very close friend of the "guy who is currently following around" my girlfriend Mickey. (More on Mickey later, she's great, and probably excellent fodder for future posts!) So after I got the original text, I went out and met Mickey and the "guy who is currently following her around" for drinks. This is when they told me that they had known a week ago that TMBOG wasn't really that into me, they just never told me.

So, after this overwhelming evidence that this guy just wasn't gonna work out for me, I just got over it. It sucks when you get excited about someone only to have it end abruptly...but such is life, besides, I am dating three other guys.

Fast forward to yesterday @ 12:45 I get a text...

TMBOG: "Lunch Today?"

Seriously? Now I am so confused:
1. was the original text message not a blow off?
2. Is he only interested because I never responded to his blow off? (I'm sure his ego was a bit hurt that I didn't seem to "care" he blew me off)
3. Did he accidentally text the wrong person?

I didn't reply until 4pm.

Me: "Hey, been in meetings all day. Rain check?"
(not completely I lie, I was in meetings from 1:30 - 4)

TMBOG: (2 hours later) sounds good.

Uh oh, let the games begin! Oh wait, they already started. Let the games continue!

;)