Some Rules of Singledom

Being single in your mid-to-late 20's is a different animal than in your early 20's...

When you are 21 and single, you are looking to party, live life, gain experience, do things you've never done before, live life to the fullest...and date the bad boy...oh, the bad boys... Having been that type of 21 year-old, I know that life all too well, and yet now, as I enter a different stage of my life, I feel like I did all those things I wanted to do. I have long felt comfortable with the thought of moving on to the "couple" phase of my life knowing that I fulfilled my single dreams, acted on whims, was appropriately selfish when the situation called for it, and just generally didn't worry that I ever missed out on anything I would have wanted to do. All of the items on my list of life experiences that I still want now have a "we" or "us" in front of them and I truly feel I'm ready for that.

So, what happens when you are ready to move on from your single life and yet still can't seem to find yourself in a fulfilling, committed relationship? Well, you just decide to love your life anyway. Sucks, don't it? ;-)

I don't claim to have all the answers, I'm not a therapist or a certified expert, and in general, I'm not trying to espouse dating advice. But, I do have life experience and I've always thought of myself and been told by friends and family that I'm good at being single. (Let me tell you how happy I am that I can count that among my many skills...yeah, not so much) Seriously though, I have always taken it as a compliment in that they think I am a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man, and they are right. (Although I certainly do want one).

That being said, here are some dating tips, (I think it’s pretty good life advice too) that have gotten me though, help me to remain happy, positive, and confident, and most importantly, keep me from settling.

Get a hobby (or multiple hobbies)

For me this has been essential and I have channeled a lot of my extra time and energy into Yoga. I have found it to be the perfect combination of exercise and spirituality and it probably saves me a ton of money on therapy, haha. Yoga is not for everyone, just find your own thing (and if you can find something physical the added bonus is a rockin' body, woot woot!)

I also do art projects - sometimes it takes days, sometimes it will take weeks, but I am able to let my apartment transform into a messy art studio and in the end I have something physical to show for it. I hang my work on my walls and have put end tables next to my couch - right now I am working on a medicine cabinet. If I had a boyfriend, there is no way he would be cool with coming home to an "exploded" apartment for 2 weeks while I "create." Yay for being single!

Know your value

I find that so many women spend so much time trying to impress the guy - that we as women feel it is our obligation earn the man's affections and we put them up on a pedestal. STOP! We are the prize!! Let him win you; let him earn you. Think of everything you have to offer - maybe you are dedicated to your children, or a perfect 10 model (in which case I hate you a little...), or charitable with your time and money...look for the things about yourself that you admire and that other people admire about you and find the inner strength to know that those qualities make you a valuable commodity - and don't just give that away to anyone.

I personally think I am the total package (if I do say so myself) but that is because I am MY version of the total package, as in, I reflect the type of things I look for in a partner. I am relatively healthy; I work out, kinda watch what I eat (except for some late nights when I stop at Taco Bell on the way home, which is probably why I'll forever be a size 6 rather than a 4 - but I'm cool with it ;-), have diverse interests, have a good sense of humor, and am well educated. Feeling good about myself and deciding to like my life has kept me from jumping into a relationship with someone simply because I want a relationship and instead makes me realize I have the right to wait for the perfect yin to my yang.

Know your values

One little "S" makes all the difference. This one is not about settling for someone who is not deserving of you, but about not compromising yourself while being a single gal living it up. Whatever you decide are your dating values - I just suggest that you don't compromise them for anyone or you will usually regret it (take it from someone who knows...).

As you may have gathered from some of my posts, personally I wait a while to sleep with guys, as in, I decided to take a page from the Patti Stanger handbook and hold out on sex until "monogamy." Don't get me wrong, I was not always this way (particularly in the above-mentioned early-20s) and I most certainly don't judge women who don't abide this philosphy. But for me, this is what works.

I played at being a bad girl for far too long and found myself getting hurt way too often when a guy wouldn't call the next day. Even recently, I slipped up once and slept with someone too soon and when he disappeared, it was devastating, because he didn't know what a big deal it was that I had given myself to him, and I had compromised myself for someone who turned out to be unworthy. So again, you decide your personal dating rules, stick to them and you'll feel a lot more confident as a single girl (and men love confidence).

I'm sure there are plenty more where these came from but this is all I've got this morning.

Let me know in the comments if you like posts like this or if you'd rather I stick to storytelling! :-)