I don't know what compelled me, but I started a text dialogue with him on Tuesday morning - I knew he was home visiting his family on the East Coast (since we had initially planned the trip together) - so I asked him how is trip had been and how his family was, etc.
Basically, I was putting "feelers" out to see how he would respond, or if he would respond at all. He replied to my text in a matter of minutes. As an aside, I do have to say that one of his more attractive qualities was his lack of game-playing (in the micro sense). We had a text conversation that lasted the span of the ENTIRE day, and when I say "entire" I mean from 8am to 10pm. Whoa.
Throughout the course of our convo, I told him I was auditioning for American Idol. As another aside, a huge aspect of our relationship related to music, we both love it, have the same taste in it, and play it (we were in a band together), so it felt like a natural thing to tell him.
He asked me to please let him know when it was my turn to sing so he could send me positive energy during the audition. A third aside, he is very spiritual, and I would consider myself to "dabble" in spirituality. I thought that was really sweet. So, when the audition was over and I didn't make the cut (not entirely unexpected since I auditioned on a whim and didn't take it very seriously) I texted him that I now had the whole day free and would he like to get some lunch? He agreed and we met up at a great Thai place up on Lamar and North Loop, Titaya.
We had a great time! I am actually kinda shocked about it. We laughed, we joked, we teased eachother, we were both smiling the whole time. Not one awkward pause, not one word spoken about our relationship...just. plain. fun. I left him with a huge smile on my face. Hugged him, told him I had a great time and that it was so nice to see him. He told me it was nice to see me too and that I looked amazing!
Now the interesting part... about an hour later he texted:
Him: "That was fun, I wish we would have had more time to catch up"
Me (trying to keep it light, and not entirely sharing his sentiment that I wish we would have had more time together): I agree, it was really fun. We'll just have more time the next time :)
Him: Sounds good, tho I'll admit, I'm still very attracted to you, both emotionally and physically...
What!?!?!?! Excuse me, did I just hallucinate? I didn't even know what to say! I felt robbed of the opportunity to have heard the tone in his voice and the look on his face when he said that, and as such didn't really know what he meant by it.
1. Does he mean that he's not ready to "hang out" with me because he still has feelings for me?
2. Does he want to "hang out" with me because he still has feelings for me?
3. Was he trying to bait me in to admitting that I still have feelings for him?
Whatever it was, I didn't take the bait. I called him on the phone (cause that's what mature people do) and asked him what he meant by that. He said he just wanted me to know how he felt. That if we were to hang out again he wants to be upfront that he still has feelings for me, and that while he was home he had moments of feeling like a complete idiot for letting me go.
Whoa.
I have to say, I am not upset by this turn of events. BUT, I also have to say, I am not about to jump back into a relationship with him. What I will do is go on some dates with him (much like I am doing with the new guys I meet) and see how things play out.
It's tough because I have been spending a lot of time convincing myself that he is not right for me, focusing on all his flaws, and convincing myself that I don't want to be with him (something I HAD to do in order to get over him). What now might be the problem, is I may have started to believe myself.
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