Please, Don't Say This To Me

Sometimes when I talk about what it's like to be "out there" in the dating scene, in LA in particular, or being single, in general, people try to offer me their sage words of wisdom. For the most part, I appreciate it because I obviously wouldn't be talking to them if I didn't have at least some amount of respect for them - but lately I feel as though their advice is getting a little repetitive and borderline insensitive. Here are some of the tidbits I could do without ever hearing again...

• "Focus On Yourself" - Um, what do you think I have been doing for the past 20-some-odd years of my life? I have a freakin' master's degree, a badass apartment with non-Ikea, grown-up furniture, I own my car, I workout regularly, I can cook, I have managed to keep a dog alive for over 5 years (and she's well-trained too, btw), I have good taste in music...what else about myself should I focus on? I mean, I guess I could lose those last 5 vanity pounds, but can't everyone really? And who wants to date a girl who refuses to eat a burger or drink beer? - I don't even want to date someone who wants to date someone like that... And life's too short... so what's left? 

• "Don't Settle For Just Anyone (Wait For the Right One)" - Obviously I am not going to settle. I have waited this long, looked that hard, kissed too many frogs, what's a little more waiting, looking and kissing? But, at this point I know what I want, so I am better at vetting potential suitors and they stopped getting through the door a long time ago if they were candidates I would be settling for. So I'm probably going to get super excited about the new guy I'm dating and the next one I date and I'll want to get serious right away - it doesn't mean I'm lonely and ready to "settle" it just means I'm ready.

• "Stop Looking (That's When You'll Find Him)" - This is the most infuriating one. I'd like to go down to the unemployment office and pitch this one to them as their new slogan..."Hey y'all, you should just start telling people to stop looking for work and a job will fall in their lap!...ATTENTION EVERYONE! Just go home...you are wasting your time here, because it's only once you stop looking, that you'll get what you need." I'll tell you what would happen, I would be propmptly escorted off the premisis because this concept is preposterous. Preposterous, I tell you!

In case you are wondering...here are the things you should say to me when I am complaining to you about being single and how hard it is to meet a guy:

• You are amazing. You know it, I know it - and the right guy for you is going to know it too.
• Don't worry you'll find him; you could meet him tomorrow...
• Hey, I have a friend I can set you up with! (Caution: do not do this unless said friend is tall, handsome and actually a good match - just because we're both single doesn't mean it's going to work).

...just sayin'

The 5 Stages of A Break-up

For those who don't know, there is a well known psychological theory (or is it proven?...I'm not sure, I think all things psychological are probably always theories, right?) published by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross about the 5 Stages of Grief one goes through when confronting the idea of your own mortality (i.e. if you've just recieved a terminal diagnosis). It goes a little something like this:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Well, this got me thinking about how I deal with breakups and that they are their own form of loss - obviously not as serious as facing death (obviously.)- but depending on the depth and breadth of a particular relationship, (and in our own dramatic fairy-tale land) it can certainly feel that way sometimes...

BUT - when coping with a breakup, I think the order is somewhat different, at least it is for me -I think it goes a little something like this:

1. Denial - this is when you usually think that it's not really over. That he was acting or reacting irrationally and that he will call or text or swing by and tell you how sorry he is... you might might even call or send your own text (or, ahem, texts) trying to get him to talk things over again - like you are still in a relationship, even though you're not.

2. Depression - when said phone call, text, random drop-by never happens (or your own attempts are rejected) - this is when the crying usually starts. (An important note: This stage is not defined by tears because crying is not exclusive to this stage of the process - depending on the relationship and the kind of person you are, I submit that crying may be present in Stages 1, 2 and 3) This is likely when you blame yourself for being terrible at relationships, think of everything you did wrong, don't want to be social, watch The Notebook and/or listen Ani DiFranco - and depending on the kind of person you are, you either gain some weight by eating a bunch of junk food or lose weight by sleeping a lot and not eating much at all. (Thank goodness I am the latter). The sad truth is, this stage can last a long time if you let it...I sunk in for about a month (if not longer) with my ex. Don't let it.

3. Anger (or as I like to call it: The Lightbulb Stage) - after you have gone over every conversation in your head and reviewed most of the text messages on your phone (come on, be honest, that's why we all save them...) you soon realize that - (lightbulb!) he was a jerk, "just not that into you", it was all is fault, you should have seen it sooner, you're way too good for him, or whatever other epiphany you have, after having gone over and over things a million times and examined them from every angle, that snaps you out of the depression stage. This is also likely when you'll defriend, unfollow, block, delete numbers, photos, emails, and any other records of your relationship that remind you of being happy together and/or make it easy for you to see him find happiness with someone else.

4. Bargaining - some people never go here (if you are one of those people, PLEASE tell me your secret), and I used to not (in my younger days), but now I always seem to... this is when you try to get back together. It's quite possible you will send an embarassing email or try to bump into him in places you think he'll be, or as I did with my ex a few years ago just casually put feelers out for "catch up" session. Best case scenario, this will work temporarily. But it will almost certainly end again and when that happens you'll just end up back at Stage 1. (In my experience - unless the "Breaker" decides they want to get back with the "Breakee" it is not a scenario that will workout long-term. Feel free to try and prove me wrong, and good luck to you, in all sincerity).

5. Acceptance - the way I have recently learned to channel the failure of my bargaining attempts, is to catapult me into acceptance. There is only so much you can put yourself through, right? How many times can you tell someone how you feel, put yourself out there, try to work it out, and keep getting told that's not enough - by the same person? Eventually you start to realize you deserve someone who appreciates you, everything you have to offer and wants to give you that in return. And suddenly everything starts to be okay.

I Wasn't Going to Admit This...

I did something pretty dumb just now. I keep telling myself there is no room for pride in love, so I sucked it up and especially given that Jack blew me off, decided to go for one last-ditch effort to try and save things with Parker. (Shameful, I know...and you best believe I will not be telling ANYONE in my real life for fear of ridicule and general mockery).

After reading several "Get your man back" articles, that basically all say the same things:
1. Cut off all contact
2. Work on yourself
3. Once you look good/feel good do a soft "reach out"
4. Catch up
5. Wait for him to follow-up
6. Play games (i.e. be really busy and withhold sex)
Blah, blah, blah...

I finally came across an article that said not to waste time and leave things up to chance but to rewind the relationship and remind him about all the reasons he fell for you in the first place... so I spent the day composing a cheeky email took a deep breath and hit send. If he rejects this, it will truly be the end and I can say I tried my best.

This is what it said (some of these are obviously inside jokes):

Dear Parker,

I just wanted to remind you of some of the reasons why you might be missing me (It would be totally cool with me if any or all of these are true, just throwing that out there)...;-)

We practically closed down the bar the first night we met and I liked you so much I didn't even hold it against you that you didn't walk me to my car, I can kick your ass in a drinking game, I taught you how to dirty text, you know what they say about jewish girls...;-), you can talk to me about anything (including, but not limited to, complaining about your sick travel buddy or discussing what you want to do next with your life), I love music as much as you do, I am a known playlist muse, I can admit when you're right (re: the Santa Monica stairs incident of July 2013), you don't know anyone else who says "y'all" with my panache and I never ask you to say "park the car in Harvard Yard," I like to fall asleep with the TV on too, I'm an adventurous eater and am always huungry, I appreciate your cooking skills and the fact that you go to two different grocery stores and the farmer's market to do all your shopping (because you don't f*ck around ;-), I'm a go-getter (you might find it a little annoying right now, but I hope you appreciate that I recognize a good thing and ya know, go get it), Cooper misses Pepper (don't be mad but he snuck out and told me) he said she makes him feel like a puppy again, you think I'm hot (hopefully)...except for my nose, fingers and toes that are always cold, or when I'm freezing and wearing two jackets and a scarf (but hopefully I'm still pretty cute all bundled up), Tipsy Park always really wants me. in his bed. right. bow. I mean now., I fit perfectly in your arms when we cuddle, your hands miss my body (okay, that one might be me projecting), but who else can fall asleep on top of each other? (seriously though), and I make you laugh (at least I think this probably got a few "ha"s out of you)...

Oh yeah, and I miss you. (like whoa). :-)

How about we just have a drink and see...?

- Penny 

That last line took me FOREVER to write. I left it at "see..." because I wanted to imply it could mean anything: see eachother, see what happens, see where it goes, see if you do miss me, see if there is still something there. Just see.

I haven't gotten a response yet. But I sent it an hour ago and I can see that he's still online...so at least he's probably mulling it over...

Even I am biting my nails to see how this one turns out.

UPDATE Tuesday, August 27, 2013 8:33 am:

He didn't respond to the email. I guess that's all the answer I needed, and quite frankly, better than a mean answer or one where he tells me never to contact him again. If he didn't respond to my adorable email, he clearly never felt about me the way I felt about him - which I should have gleaned from the fact that he broke. up. with. me. (duh.) but I am hard-headed and have to learn my lessons my own way and on my own time-frame. Oh yeah, and he unfollowed me on Instagram. And here I thought I had nothing more to lose...

Dating Bender: Episode 9 - "It Resumes"

Stats-
Name: Jack (like, Kennedy for the nostalgic types)
Age: 32
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: Movie Biz
Hometown: Houston (Texaaaas, what what!!)
Currently Resides: 2 miles from me
The Date: Drinks on Beverly Blvd.

Well, first let me say that as soon as my mom found out that there are trivia-like questions on dating sites and I read her Jack's answers to the important ones like religion, marriage-stance, kids, etc. - he is officially her new favorite.

We were supposed to meet at 8pm and for once I was running excatly on time (thank you, my new best-friend, Waze). I am pretty vehemently against Valet parking, so I was looking for a spot. But if you have ever been on Beverly Blvd. at 8pm you (and I now) know it is not easy! Then, I thought, Oh no! I don't even have any cash on me. So I kept circling, and circling - but I fired off a quick text to Jack just to let him know the situation. Then I got this:

no problem. glad to cover valet if you'd like

That was sweet. Which immediately made me desperate to find some cash so I didn't look like I was a gold-digging whore taking advantage of a nice guy. Luckily I remembered I sometimes stash a few dollars in the sunglasses holder in my car...

When I finally got there he was waiting by the valet stand. He looked just like his pictures which is always a good thing. We went inside the place and it was packed! And it was loud but very cool and hip in a low key way; I liked it. We had to stand around for a while before we were able to snag a couple seats at the bar, but Jack went and got us some menus and we ordered our first round while we stood. Something I really liked, that is kind of small, but just nice, was that he asked me what drink I wanted and then when the waiter came by to take our drink order, he ordered it for me. I don't know why that really stood out in my mind - but it did.

When we finally sat down at the bar the conversation flowed a bit more comfortably (and it was when I noticed his dimples for the first time - have I mentioned my weakness for dimples before?) I always forget that these guys must be nervous. I do not get nervous on dates. I don't know why - I think it's because I think first dates are fun - and when you are just meeting someone for the first time you have nothing to lose so why not just be relaxed about it. (I wish I could be more like that further into getting to know someone since my nerves seem to come with my feelings, but there I go digressing again...) Plus, once we sat down we had already finished one round. So we ordered up a second and started talking about our families. It was really nice. He was really nice.

He is the youngest of 3, he has two older sisters who are about 10 years older than him. Both are married with kids. He even felt comfortable enough to share that his oldest sister has a daugher who is autistic. I actually have a sister who is deaf. If you would meet her on the street, you would never know it. She has a Cochlear Implant that is seriously one of the most amazing inventions and essentially is digital hearing. (I linked the name of the device to the Wikipedia article if you are interested in learning about it). But as I was telling Jack about it, on our first date, I couldn't help but think for a brief moment that this was something I had never shared with Parker. I've thought more about it in the couple days since the date - why it was so easy for me to share this information about my family with Jack and why it never seemed to come up with Parker, and I think it was just because these are the kind of things that you respond to "in-kind," right? When someone shares something personal or deep with you, you reciprocate. And so it just reaffirmed the fact that Parker wasn't letting me in (and I guess I wasn't letting him in either, but obviously for good reason).

Back to the date - we ordered a really interesting guacamole and sea urchin snack with our third round of drinks - talked some about our specific work and the Entertainment industry in general. At the end of which he joked, "Well this has been a really good business meeting." And I laughed but said in all seriousness, "But that has always been something important to me - I need to be able to talk to someone about what I do, because that's life." He seemed to agree. We talked about some other things - he brought up that he is sometimes bad about talking about his feelings and doesn't use emoticons in text messages. Two things I am very glad to know about. Haha. And he asked for the check. I don't even think I did the obligatory wallet reach, it didn't feel necessary and I don't think he minded - I just made sure to thank him very much for the drinks.

He walked me to the valet stand and waited while they brought my car and even offered to pay again, but I told him I had found cash.  He kissed me once, and then again, and then again. It was masculine and the kind of kisses where you feel like you have known each other for a while. I don't know how else to describe them. I would have said chances I'll hear from him again 4 out of 5, but since I waited a couple days to post he already asked me out again for Sunday. We're going to brunch and the LACMA, and this time it wasn't even my idea!

There Are Always Little Red Flags

What's so interesting and convenient about writing about the progression of a relationship is the ability to go back and read about it later.  Obviously I have been spending the last few days obsessing over Parker so I went back and read some of my old posts about the beginning of our so-called relationship.

It's easy to idealize something once it's gone, particularly when it is taken away from you by no choice of your own. I must admit I have been guilty of that over the past few days - I keep thinking, F*ck, I really screwed the pooch on this one. He was paper-perfect and made sure I got home safely every night, etc. etc. - and I keep blaming myself (as we women tend to do) for what happened. But the fact is, I stood up for myself because I wasn't getting what I needed from him and I was mad. And if he cared about me, he would have cared to work it out and make sure I was happy and secure, he wouldn't have just been looking at the relationship from his perspective. So clearly he also played a part in the relationship's demise as well.

While I kept thinking that the weirdness between us and the fact that he was keeping me at arm's length started when he got back from his trip - when I read back over what I had wrote, I realized it started almost from the very beginning. Remember how I thought he was acting weird right after the first time we fooled around? And remember how I was suspicious of him not inviting me to his birthday party? I talked myself out of all of those feelings because he SAID all the right things. I rationalized away the warning signs I was feeling because I liked him, and gave him the benefit of the doubt because the communication was constant. And for a while, that felt like enough - and I know for him it continued to  be enough. But actions betray true intentions. And as my mom said, you can text from the bathroom.

I know that I have the tendency to want to jump into things very quickly. (That's not a good thing - I need to figure out how to pump my own breaks before I scare away everyone). It's because I idealize the notion of love. But I also do think that in order to move forward, two people need to spend quality time together. I will forever think it is weird that he continued to prioritize time with his friends over time with me. Despite the fact that we had only been dating for 2 months.

I've more than acknowledged my mistakes on this one and every day gets a little better and I forgive myself a little more. Breakups are their own journey; you discover new things about yourself, learn, grown and try to do better (and find someone better) next time.

Plus, I already have a date tonight! He seems really cute... we all know how that goes... oy.

Full (Dis)Closure

I broke down and sent a text (um, some texts) to Parker last night... I just felt that as I kept talking to people they kept telling me that he would probably realize he over reacted and call me and I just wasn't sure they we're right and the anxious feeling in my stomach of not knowing and feeling like it was over-but--maybe-not-over was a bit too much.

This what I wrote:

I keep going back over things in my head and I’m at a bit of a loss for how things unraveled so quickly given how much we seem to like each other and all the things we have in common. I’m really sad and I’ve been beating myself up for how things went down. I’d still like to think this is fixable and that it’s worth fixing; I hope you do too – Not so long ago a pretty smart man told me these things take work and talking.

This was what he wrote back:

Hey. Thanks for reaching out. You are a great person and I did really like you. It hasn't been fun for me either since Friday but I do feel it was the right decision. I'm sorry.

I actually feel a bit better and stronger knowing that I am not waiting for a phone call that is never going to come. I do still think it is a little strange that through all his claims of feelings for me (the very ones I doubted that eventually caused this debacle) he was so willing to give me up that easily. Perhaps ultimately I may not have gotten the whole story - that, I think may have been the Elephant in the room the whole time - it wasn't about time or Fridays or Saturdays, that's why his effort wasn't enough for me. He was shutting me out, from something.

I wrote him back one more text - I didn't expect him to respond and he didn't:

I'm sorry too. You know, you told me once that you sometimes let your emotions get the best of you, both the good ones and the bad ones, so you just push people away. Maybe with some time you'll realize the last thing I wanted was to ruin what we had. I made a mistake, I know I pressured you and I shouldn't have, and I feel awful about it. If you like me as much as you say you did, hopefully you'll figure out how to forgive me and maybe we can try this again one day.

I know... I laid it on a bit thick. Because I don't think I was entirely in the wrong - just my methods - but I do think it just might be bad timing and he needed an out, for now, and some time to figure himself out until he can give me (or someone) what I (or they) need. Maybe we just need a break to reset. Or maybe we're just actually done. As Justin Bobby from The Hills says, "Truth and time tells all."

At least he didn't respond with an "I don't think so," or "Please don't contact me anymore." Ha.

So...back to the dating bender.  On the upside, since Parker and I started dating, Tinder became all the rage, and truth be told I was kinda dying to give it a whirl. ;-)

Not the Way I Planned It

This is a post I was hoping I would never have to write, in fact, I started writing this post two days ago but couldn't bring myself to finish it until this morning - today would have been our 2 monthiversary. At approximately 4:36pm Pacific time on Friday, August 16th, Parker said he was done and walked away.

The only reason I know the exact time is because I called my mom almost immediately and cried.

I'm honestly really surprised that my attempts at wanting to spend more time with him resulted in him wanting to stop seeing me altogether, I mean, I'm not surprised that happens, I'm just surprised it happened with him. How do you give up so easily on something you have invested so much into? It's heartbreaking.

Here's the whole story...

On Wednesday, even though I knew he had plans in the evening, I suggested that I come over after work and wait out traffic with him until he had to leave for his game - I suggested that maybe we could have an early dinner.

He said that he had to leave early for his game so he wouldn't have time for dinner, but if I could come over around 5:00 we could spend about an hour and half together. It wasn't ideal, and in looking back I should have said no, but I went over anyway because I knew that if I didn't take advantage of the time I wouldn't see him until Sunday. Pathetic, I know.

So I went over to his house to take the measely hour and a half of a bone he was throwing me, (figuratively and literally because we had a quickie) and then he left to do what he was going to do for the night. What I didn't communicate is that while he thought he was "doing better" by making more time for me - I left feeling cheap and pathetic for being willing to settle for someone who can only squeee me into his schedule for sex in between the things he really wants to do and the people he really wants to spend his time with.

The next night we were texting back and forth (as per usual) about what we were doing that evening. I was already slightly annoyed because I had invited him to come with me to a film screening and out for drinks at the W Hotel afterwards but he wanted to go to the Santa Monica Pier music series (more that he wanted to spend time with me) since he hadn't been to one since he had gotten home from his trip. So asked him what he was doing the next night - Friday - and held my breath.  He said he was having dinner at his friend Matt's house again. That it was their monthly "family dinner" but this one was in honor of Matt's mom who had recently passed away even though that had been the excuse he had been using all the previous week too.

Now, before you go thinking I am some spoiled brat who doesn't realize that, yes, this is a legitimate excuse for him not being able to see me - I feel terrible that his friend's mother passed away. Terrible. And I definitely understand why it might not have been a good time for me to come around last weekend when he first got back into town - (and also might I remind you of that whole lying debacle where Parker didn't even GO to dinner one of the nights, but I digress...) but their monthly family dinner? Were they really going to sit around and talk about his mom the whole time? I am not an inappropriate person, I know how to behave in group situations...I wanted to be included, I wanted to be let in. I don't think that was too much to be asking. We were supposed to be in an exclusive relationship - that's what people in a relationship DO - spend time together; integrate each other into their lives. So I was getting increasingly frustrated.

What ended up happening is I sent a text - a text that I now very much regret - that said this:

Parker, I'm not interested in having a text relationship. I want to spend time with the person I am dating.

I was really just hoping to elicit a reaction from him because I have obviously (to you, to me, to my family and friends) been feeling so frustrated and confused. And I have NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, engaged in, let alone started a text message fight. Now I know why. What unfolded was a series of argumentative texts that ended with me wanting to talk and him wanting to go to bed and talk the next day. I hate going to bed mad, but I figured I would let him sleep on it and we'd kiss and make up.

He said he would call me the next day after he was done with work, but I suggested he come by my office and we take a walk - because I wanted to kiss and make up in person! Haha. :-( Yeah, so basically that means he was prepared to break it off with me over the phone too. The jerk evidence keeps on piling up.

When he got to my office we walked across the street and sat at some tables outside of a Starbuck's - he said he wanted to start and basically proceeded to tell me that he was done. I asked him if I should even bother telling him what I thought. He said he did but he was so angry sitting there I doubt he heard a word I said and in the end it didn't make one bit of difference because he still didn't want to keep dating me, and I was still in heartbroken shock.

What he said it basically boiled down to was that I had brought up the issue only four days prior - he thought he had been doing better making an effort and now that he realized he hadn't he doesn't think that ANYTHING he did would ever satisfy me. (As if inviting me for a last-minute lunch and and afterthought movie invite is real effort). I tried to explain that the reason it was coming up again was because I didn't feel like I really ended up saying what I needed to say before and now that things were on the table we could continue to talk about it. What I should have said was that I needed to be MORE explicit about the kind of effort I wanted i.e. We are in an exclusive relationship I expect that you will spend either Friday or Saturday night with me every weekend. Period. It doesn't have to be just us, but we should be together. F*ck. I never should have let him try to figure it out on his own.

So now I am beating myself up for pushing him to get "more serious" and spend "more time with me" so soon like every crazy, relationship mistake-making girl in the world and there is nothing I can do to fix it. Even though everyone tells me I was right for wanting what I wanted and asking for it - and if he really liked me he would have given it to me instead of using it as an excuse for bolting, it doesn't make me feel any better.

The only thing I can do now if pick myself up and move on.

(PS - Sorry for some of the errors and weird grammar, I'll review and edit at a later date, I just can't go back over it right now - in more ways than one).

Rough Transition

Parker has been back for two weeks now - the great news: we finally slept together and it was G-O-O-D, good! (Thank g-o-d); the bad news: it's been a bit of an anxiety ridden couple weeks.

I don't quite know how to explain it, but a couple days before he got back, I could start to sense a switch being flipped. It was like a this-was-all-exciting-and make-believe-because-I-was-leaving-for-a-few-weeks-to-traverse-the-globe-but-holy-crap-now-that-I-am-coming-home-and-have-to-get-back-to-everyday-life-this-sh*t-is-about-to-get-real-and-I'm-freaking-out-right-now switch. Ya know, that one. ;-)

It started when he told me that our plans for the day he got back would have to be shuffled around because he had to help a friend move. Yeah...so rather than spending the whole day together and ripping off each other's clothes, per the original plan, he opted to move a couch, a bed, and a bunch of boxes while jetlagged? Hmmmm...

Then, he suggested we spend the day together on Friday - so we took a drive up the coast, went wine tasting and ended up at the LACMA. It was an incredibly romantic day...one I assumed would end with us finally having sex. (Side note: we did revisit "the talk" about once we slept together neither of us would be seeing anyone else, which he was totally on-board with both before and now). So, what happened? He said he had a birthday party to go to that night. Not only did he insist on going, he didn't invite me. Wtf?!?

He earned back some points when I saw him the next time...he came over to my place and cooked me an elaborate meal and....drumroll, please...this was when we did the deed for the first (ahem, first three) times. But, he left early in the morning and AGAIN I didn't see him for the rest of the week and he didn't include me in ANY of his weekend plans.

I had finally had enough on Friday night when he sent me a text around midnight after he was clearly done with whatever his plans were that evening...(it's not even like he asked me to come over either).

Him: Hey!

Me: Hey

How are you?

Fine, you?

Good. I'm headed home from dinner and drinks with my friend Matt and our friends Sophie, her husband and our other friend who you'll meet on Sunday.

Get home safe

I didn't drive, so I'll be fine ;-) Did you just stay in tonight?

Yep.

Are you okay?

Yep.

Okay, just checking. You are being very "short" tonight.

I know, sorry.

Let's talk tomorrow.

So, I did it, yes in a very passive agressive way, but I had to be "that girl" and lay the "let's talk" on him. Even though he didn't really get that's what I was saying. He did, however understand that I was losing patience with his seeming lack of interest in seeing me often. Even my guy friends have started making fun of me for being his "weekday" girl. Since one of the ways you know a guy is really into you is when he gives you his weekends...

The next morning I suggested we meet for breakfast. He even offered to cancel his plans that afternoon, (Hello! Lightbulb moment!) but of course I didn't let him do that. I told him that there was clearly a disconnect because I know what my expectations are but I have no idea what his are. He basically said that right now he only has 2 days a week to give. Aca-scuse me? Did I hear that right? 2 days a week? I thought we were in an exclusive relationship... But that we should communicate and I should let him know if that wasn't working for me. I told him that is what I was doing right now. He said he would try harder - and that's really all I could ask at that point since it was the first time I said anything since I had gotten back.

Fast-forward to that night: I was going out in Santa Monica with some friends and he was going out to dinner. I asked if they were going out after dinner, he said yes, and I said that maybe we could try to meet up. He said he would let me know where they went. At about 11:15 he told me he was pretty tired and probably going to head home. I asked him if he just wanted to meet us for a drink, he passed. (Side note: the next day he told me he had actually slept through dinner, and by the time I talked to him he was only going to meet up with his people to go out. He had actually gone to a swanky bar called 3110 for a bit before he went home. So yeah, the night before he had bascially completely lied to me...just so he didn't have to meet me out? Naturally I did not make a big deal out of it). Chance #1 to show me you heard anything that I was saying: BLOWN.

We had a great time together on Sunday - he took me to a concert and I stayed over at his place.

Last night, we were texting and I wanted to see what he was up to tonight. I knew almost immediately when I saw the "dot-dot-dot" for a couple minutes on iMessage, that he was going to have an elaborate excuse for why he didn't have time to see me; I was right. Tonight he has plans to hang out with the ex-gf. If my stomach wasn't all up in knots about it, I would be laughing because it's so ridiculous. He said it's because she hasn't seen the dog since he got back (ya know, the one she watched for 3 1/2 weeks while he was gone) and that they haven't really gotten a chance to hang out since he's been back (ya know, except for every week in the league they play in together, and likely at a couple of those birthday parties he didn't invite me to...oh yeah, and the race they're running in together this weekend). All I said was "Gotcha, cool."

He tried to get me to come have lunch with him today, but I didn't bite. (Haha, pun not intended). I'm just really starting to think that he's the type of guy that can't handle anything that's not entirely on his terms. Like, he only wants me to exist when it's convenient for him. That's not good.

So, that's it. You're all caught up. I don't even know what else to say about it all...except that even my mom says I should be seeing other people. She was like - "When I was dating, the guys who really liked me couldn't wait to see me again," and she thinks that being in an exclusive relationship with a guy who only wants to see me 2 days a week is ridiculous. I think I agree.