Making a List & Checking it Twice

I was going back through my blog yesterday as I was redesigning it...(PS, what do y'all think of the new look?) and I realize that I mentioned a couple people and things that I said I would update on and then life happened, and those people and things just fell by the wayside. So here is a list of all the people I mentioned so far (in chronological order by post) and my "current status" with that person, plus some new (old) additions worth mentioning...

Text Message Blow-off Guy: we're "friendly," I guess. Because we have mutual friends, I sent him a text a couple days ago to invite him to a group thing and he got back to me that he is out of town.
The 3 Bachelors - #1 and I will always be somewhat in touch, recently not that much but that's part of our usual dynamic. #2 texted me to ask me out again and I respectfully turned him down. The chemistry just wasn't there. #3 was never seen nor heard from again.
Mickey - turns out the "Guy who was currently following her around" became her boyfriend and now I barely see her. I am sad that she turned out to be one of those girls who disappears once she gets into a relationship. Not that I can blame her, I have definitely done that in the past, I just try really hard not to do that anymore.
The Ex - haven't had a word of contact since November 1st. I half expected to hear from him on my birthday if he was ever going to make some sort of effort at being friends. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed, but the farther away I get from the relationship, the easier it is, so I know it's better this way.
Pointless Guy - I gave the big update about him in my last post, but since then, no contact as I predicted. Awkward and predictable, two of my least favorite qualities, haha.
Co-worker Guy - Never made it out on Wednesday which was disappointing. But at least he texted an apology and said he'd "be glad to have a belated birthday celebration and make up for it." I texted him back that I was gonna take him up on his offer to make it up to me and that he should pick a night that works for him. So far, no word. Sad face. :(

...and now some new (old) additions:

Yoga Guy -
He tends bar at one of my favorite neighborhood dives (where I used to hang out at A LOT more that I do now.) and we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. It culminated one night a couple years ago when at the end of a long night he told me he was dog sitting for his parents and had to go take care of them before he went home. Did I want to join him? So off we went...I had no idea what I was in store for... We pulled up at a mansion on Lake Austin and two adorable golden retrievers greeted us in the driveway. We played for a bit and then proceeded inside where Yoga opened a bottle of wine. We hung out for a while until we got a "wild hair" and decided to sneak into the neighbor's pool and go swimming. (In our undies of course, no nudity). We had a great time playing in the pool, and kissing a-lot-a-bit and then called it a night. I woke up and found myself next to this lovely man, in a bay window with the sun streaming in and an amazing view of the lake. Yoga made me breakfast and then he dropped me off at my car. We see each other all the time, and yet nothing like that has ever happened again. Still, I only have the fondest of memories of that night.
So, why do I bring this up you ask? Yoga and I ended up hanging out the other night all night again. We had a great time, he is so easy to spend time with. He's the kind of guy you could imagine never having a fight with because he is so laid back. Well, I wasn't really sure where this spending time together was headed, but toward the end of the night he cut me off at the pass and explained that he was definitely interested in me, but nothing could happen at the moment because he is "kinda seeing someone." And that he needed to have a conversation with her to see where they stood. I actually really respect that because that is how I would want a guy I was seeing to treat me. I'm still not sure what's going on but he has been awfully flirtatious on my facebook page over the past couple days...

The Celebrity -
This guy was by far and away the highlight of my week. At above-mentioned neighborhood dive I found him there having a beer all by his lonesome, and since I had ventured out alone too, I just decided to chat him up. I confessed that I had "watching parties" for the show he is on and surprisingly he seemed to find that charming. :) Ladies of Austin, if you have an inkling as to whom I may be talking about let me assure you that his is fully GORGEOUS and gracious up close and in person. We ended up talking for about an hour and he asked me if I would allow him to buy me a beer (!) It was so fun to flirt unabashedly with him (because again, if you can guess who I am talking about, he is most likely in a relationship and we just don't know about it yet). I told him he should make a cameo at one of my viewing parties and he laughed and said he thought that would be fun. Since I know where he hangs I might have to go say hi to him again one of these days...

Okay, wow this post turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought it would be, so that's all for now.

Oh and also, I totally just got busted writing this blog in public today. I didn't realize how flustered I would get to be found out for writing a blog called "Adventures in Dating." Hahaha, I guess that is just another reason why I decided to keep it anonymous and give everyone nicknames.

And Food Blogger guy who busted me...I hope you looked me up and are reading this! And tell your roommates about it too! ;)

Now we're getting somewhere...

If you have been reading this blog on even a semi-regular basis, this is the beginning of the posts you all have been waiting for! And BELIEVE me when I say I have been waiting to write them too...

First, a confession: I caved and finally ended up meeting up with Pointless Guy and as expected, it was pretty pointless. Not only is he awkward but it was obvious to me that all he is after is a hook up. I went over to his place to watch a move...after I made him apologize for the way he had been treating me and especially making him cop to his mishandling of the Thursday night situation. When I got there he was wearing PJs, and then when he started the movie he turned off all the lights and instantly tried to snuggle with me. I played it off pretty well, even kissed him a bit, but ended up bolting pretty quickly after the movie was over. Now, even though I've made up my mind about not being interested in him, I am glad I had the chance to find out for sure. And also, because I didn't sleep with him, I doubt if I'll be hearing from him anytime soon anyway.

Now for the fun stuff...oh, where do I begin...?

I am totally smitten with a former co-worker of mine! We went out for Happy Hour on Friday and then met up again on Saturday night. I think what I like about him so much (besides the fact that he is darn cute) is that we have really great, neverending conversations. There is an ease to our chemistry that makes it feel really comfortable to be with him.
A few early red(ish) flags:
1. He's younger than me (though he told me on Friday he like to date older girls, was that a hint?)
2. He is admittedly anti-commitment (for the next couple years while he gets himself established, so he says)
3. I'm not sure we're more than friends

As they say, "when it rains it pours," and in that vane, I met another great guy on Monday! I ended up having to go to the Cold War Kids show at the Parish alone because it sold out so quickly...so rather than beg people to go with me or sell my ticket, I just decided to get dolled up, go early, and make some new friends before the show started. Success! Mr. Normal walked past me and I instantly decided he was the best looking guy in the room. I grabbed a cocktail, kept my eye on him and contemplated whether I should approach him. After a couple minutes of wavering (slash making sure he wasn't waiting for a girl to meet him) I just boldly walked over and introduced myself. I can usually walk up to anyone in a room and introduce myself EXCEPT when I think a guy is really good looking - so I am REALLY proud of myself for not chickening out like usual. Turns out Mr. Normal and I have similar taste in music, have a good chemistry and had a blast hanging out all night! He bought me drinks, saved my spot for me when I ran to the bathroom (of course I returned the favor), and was just generally a gentleman (and did I mention that he is GORGEOUS?!?). Plus, he got my phone number and even texted me last night to tell me he had a good time with me! We tried to make plans to see each other this week, but we're both busy the next couple days and he leaves to go home for Christmas on Friday...we already have plans for when he gets back! :)

Phewf...okay, so that's a rundown of what's been going on with me for the past week. Oh, and I get to see co-worker guy again tonight! yay!

The Period at the End of a Sentence.

Remember the pointless guy? Well, he continues to text me. In all fairness, until today, I've been responding, so I guess I am helping to keep this whole charade/exercise going...but last night was the last straw.

With maybe one or two exceptions, every single time we have texted back and forth he has initiated. This has been going on for a month now. I was out of town for a few weeks to go home for Thanksgiving and New York, but he knew I was getting back into town this week and we had a pseudo date planned for last night.

When I hadn't heard from him by 6:30, thinking he had forgotten or blown me off, I posted on facebook "I'm bored, what should I do tonight?"

My cousin asked me to go to dinner, a peripheral friend (whom I have been contemplating deleting because he keeps asking me out) asked me out for drinks and pointless boy posted "Shenanigans. Always a good choice."

"Hmmm," I thought, "so he checks my facebook..."

I texted him what I thought was an adorably witty response. "So, what's your plan for the evening? Are you available to shenanigise? (v. the act of participating in shenanigans)." Cute, right? :)

He responded with a series of non committal well I'm doing "this" right now and possibly "that" later. I might be tired. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I said, "That's cool, get some sleep." He immediately asked me what I was doing, I told him, told him to get "un-tired" and come out. He said "maybe :)" Through the next series of texts that I won't bore you with quoting specifically, he ended up going out, and not meeting up with me, which infuriated me.

He then decided to text me this morning to ask if I made it home okay last night. What is his deal!?!? I'm not going to find out, cause I have no intention of responding to his texts anymore. Oh well, his loss. Period.

On a side note, I did meet three impossibly adorable boys last night. One of whom gave me his card (which was very slick in the situation because he was the manager of the restaurant my friend K and I ate at, there was clearly chemistry between us and I was trying to figure out the least awkward way to exchange contact info given our situation...), one of whom immediately friended me on facebook, and the other of whom has my number. Phewf! Dating in the high-tech age is full of avenues for contact, isn't it?

Stay tuned...getting back into the single swing of things is certainly turning out to be fun!

Thankful for Blessings in Disguise...

It is that time of year when people get nostalgic and reflect on their year and their life and acknowledge all the things that they are grateful for - for me it is not only due to Thanksgiving and New Years, but I also have a birthday coming up...so I usually reflect 3-fold.

Well suffice to say, I've had a pretty crappy year. I am not a fan of 2010 and I am very ready for it to be over. My boyfriend whom I thought loved me, turned out to not, we had some major ups and downs and eventually broke up, I had to let go of n him as a lover and a best friend, but also of the life we had planned for ourselves, then we got back together again, only for him to leave me again (crushing me worse the latter time), then he moved on very quickly with someone else, I am still alone, and this just in...I lost my job.

It's really hard to be thankful for anything when you just want to curl up in a ball and lie around for a few weeks hoping when you re-emerge life will be better. But, I thought it important to focus on some of the positives that stem from all the negative.

On losing work:
It's not often that we are given a chance in life to have a completely blank slate and rebuild our lives to our exact specifications. In fact, it may never happen to some people. There is usually at least one thing in our lives that is keeping us "here." Well, when I met my ex I didn't have a job and was thinking about moving from Austin, but our relationship started out so wonderfully that I stayed for him. Then I got a great job and when my boyfriend and I broke up, I stayed for work. Now, I am not obligated to person, place or thing and I can figure out what it is I want, where I want to go, what I want to do, who I am want to be and be with. For that, I am thankful.

On losing love:
I had a weird thought the other day when I realized that I am in a strange way thankful for this breakup. It is still painful and I still miss my ex almost every day (the pain of which is compounded by knowing he is happy with someone else and I am still alone) but he actually gave me an amazing gift. He gave me back the excitement of a first kiss with someone who has infinite potential and the thrill of hearing someone tell me he loves me for the first time; and the opportunity to find someone who means those words when he says them. He gave me the chance for true love and happiness. For that, I am thankful.

On being alone:
It's been exactly 4 weeks from the day I last saw and spoke to my ex. Since the day we met in February of 2009 (before we even started dating) this is by far the longest we have ever gone without contact. It is excruciating. But it has given me a fresh perspective too. When I look back on our relationship I don't see a lot of myself in it. I see a lot of what he wanted, a lot of his friends, and the life he planned, and I see a shell of who I am and what I am capable of just being along for the ride. I guess there is a reason that "hindsight is 20/20" is a popular saying. I finally see that he is not the person he thinks and claims to be, and that I was so enchanted by the words I missed what the actions were saying. So as hard as it it still is, I am FINALLY getting some clarity. For that, I am thankful.

I guess it's not that hard to find things in my life to be thankful for. And for that, I am truly thankful.

Pointless Conversation.

I am currently embroiled in one of the more annoying text conversations I have ever had the misfortune to have started...

I met this guy at a mutual friend's party about a month ago. He is pretty cute (I am a super sucker for dimples) and tall and dark and smart (well, he graduated high school at 16 and had his MBA by 22)...but I was kind of turned off by his arrogant attitude, his taste in music, and our seemingly incompatible senses of humor... So really, I didn't mind that he got my number and never called.

About a week ago (while out drinking with said mutual friend) he came up in conversation and I ended up texting him something sassy like..."You never called, I guess it must have worked out with one of your two bingo girls :)" (I swear that made sense in the context of the conversation we had the first night we met) He explained that he had in fact been involved with one of the girls but "funny that I mention that" it had just ended. We exchanged a few more texts that evening and it kinda just went nowhere and I went to bed.

Well, I got a text from him yesterday...he had found out that I lost my job (again, from said mutual friend - who I am slightly irked at for sharing this news with a practical stranger who never found the balls to ask me out). But he was understanding tried to make me feel better by claiming to be jealous of all the free time I now had which I thought was kinda nice. But again, our texts just went nowhere and I went to bed.

In all fairness, I must admit that both times it was me who chose not to respond to the last text message...

So, this morning I decided to text him and ask how he was spending his free time today...he told me and then asked me what I was up to, I told him that I am spending the day in a coffee shop writing my Grad School application essays (and apparently a blog post too ;) but that "as my reward for my hard work today I want to go out and have some fun tonight..." (Hello??? Hint, mother-effing Hint!) So we have basically been exchanging non-committal (a.k.a. B-S) text messages all afternoon. I can't believe he still hasn't asked me out, this is ridiculous! Dating. Grrrrrr. Oh wait, this isn't even dating...Pre-dating. Even bigger Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

Eye Opener

I have a guy friend, Rod, who I kind of fell out of touch with because of my ex. The three of us were in a band together and this guy and I always got along really well. We had a great chemisty and communicated very well non-verbally when practicing and on-stage together (which, if you've ever been in a band you know, is extremely helpful and important).

So, naturally, this chemistry between Rod and myself made my ex uncomfortable and threatened. My ex convinced me that Rod had a crush on me and that for the sake of the band and our relationship, I needed to have a conversation with Rod and explain that I was just not interested. (Which actually wasn't true, because in all honesty, I kind of was - but I never admitted that until now.) I never ended up having a conversation with Rod because I didn't feel it necessary. But in order to appease my ex, I basically stopped doing what came so naturally to Rod and I...communicating with him non-verbally (or as the ex saw it, flirting). I did this for my ex because, as I have said before, I thought it was worth it for the person I loved.

Well, since my ex and I broke up (again) I decided that it was time to try and renew my friendship with Rod. So, he and I have been talking and emailing a lot. And on Saturday night, he met up with me and a friend downtown. (First at Townhouse, then Lucky Loungs and then we made our way over to Barcelons - for the locals ;) We were having a great time, and I couldn't quite tell if he was flirting with me (and I wasn't sure if I was flirting with him) but I had just enough drinks to ask him a very bold question...(by this point, my friend had excused herself and had gone home - smart girl)...

Me: "Can I ask you a personal question?"
Rod: (no hesitation) "Sure"
Me: "Did you ever have a crush on me?"
Rod: "No. Sorry?"
Me: "No, it's not a big deal, I was just curious because [my ex] made such a big deal out of it."
Rod: "Really? I'm sorry to hear that, I would have never wanted to be in the middle."
Me: "No worries, I just think it's really funny that he was wrong."
Rod: "Yeah, the more I think about it, he doesn't read situations very well at all."

Wow, I LOVED that comment! It was so true. My ex wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, and it definitely extended to "perception," meaning he is not perceptive. And I am not the only one who noticed. Which I am going to take one step further and say that if I am right about this, then I am probably right about many of the other things I have realized about my ex, since the breakup. I think I am finally starting to see things with renewed clarity. And it feels great!

P.S. slight frowny face for that fact that Rod doesn't have a thing for me :(

Cleansing

While I really hate housework, for some reason I have been compelled to spend all day today puttering around the house. I cleaned out the garage, cleaned out the fridge, did the dishes, took out all the trash & recycling, trimmed the shrubs on my porch, watered the plants, cleared away the dead tomato plants from my garden...and you know what? I feel great!

I feel productive, accomplished, and satisfied. And you know what else? That anxious feeling in my stomach is gone, for maybe the first time in months!

2 days wiser...

Yesterday I was an emotional mess. Today I feel so much better.

I have been thinking (something I do too much of, too often) that I shouldn't let this recent revelation about my ex having an "Alice" set me back. I mean, when I think about it (there I go again...) him telling me doesn't change anything. He would still be seeing her whether I know or not.

Prior to Monday when the bomb dropped I was doing okay. I was still sad, but as I wrote at the beginning of my post, I had a pretty good two weeks. I have to start believing that I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me. Sounds like a pretty simple concept, right?

Well if he's moved on, then I officially have no excuse not to. So...stay tuned to watch me work on that.

I leave you with two quotes from songs I have found recently that really reflect what I am going through:

"And there were some things that I did not tell him; there were certain things he did not need to know. And there were some days when I did not love him; he didn't understand me. And I don't know why I didn't go." - Ani Difranco, "Rush Hour"

"Who am I kidding? It wasn't meant to be. But you wanted a believer and I needed to believe." - Amanda Marshall, "Why Don't You Love Me"

Deep Dark October

First, I must apologize for not posting for so long. I've been a bit of a mess. (Actually, I think calling it a "bit" is a "major" understatement).

I have been really struggling with this breakup, again. And I hesitated to post because I was (am) afraid that most of what I have to say is not very positive or funny as the title of my blog would indicate. In fact, it's mostly negative and heartbreaking. But, I guess true heartbreak is an "Adventure in Dating" just not one I recommend pursuing.

For the past two weeks, I have been walking around feeling a lot better. I thought I had accepted that he and I were over and I really thought I was ready to be friends. I was pursuing a friendly relationship with him, emailing him articles I knew he would think were funny and texting when I had seen a great concert I know he would have liked...

We were friends before we started dating and I wanted to get some of that back. Because more than I missed the physical parts of our relationship, I missed our friendship.

I thought things were going pretty well (as I so often seem to do with him, only to later be proven very very wrong). He was not responding to every single one of my messages, but mostly all of them, in a relatively timely fashion. I didn't take it personally because I thought it was hard for him too...this whole break up thing.

He texted me last week to say he had a shirt I had lent him (I had given it to him, but whatever) and did I want it back? I said I thought he wanted it but if he was going to get rid of it, then yes, I would take it back. Plus he also had another t-shirt, some expensive facial sunscreen, and a tupperware of mine, could he bring that too? He said he wasn't going to mention the tupperware, but sure he'd bring it.

He came over last night to drop the stuff off. And truth be told, I really wanted to see him. It's been since we broke up (for the LAST time) on September18th that we have seen eachother. (SIDE NOTE: I should have known better). I invited him in to chat. We caught up about what's going on in our lives. I asked him how his Halloween weekend was and he said it was fun. He went out "big" on Thursday and Friday and took it easy on Saturday and Sunday. He told me he dressed as the Mad Hatter on Thursday. Then I made my mistake...I said...

"Oh, cool. Did anyone else dress up with you?"

He said, "Yes, I had an Alice."

"Oh," I said, "You had an Alice?"

"Yes," he said, "I have and Alice. It was a planned thing. That's why the dropping off of the stuff is happening."

I said I was surprised, and that I was happy for him. And then said, "Wait, no I'm not."
He tried to make a little more polite conversation after that, but I just wanted him to leave. I think I am mostly mad that I gave him the satisfaction of seeing my face when he told me. He must have seen all the color drain from my face and the internal struggle that took place to hold back the tears. He left a few minutes later without much fanfare. He said goodbye and didn't look back. I closed the door and locked it.

So here I am, now unable to even be friends with him and so angry at myself for LITERALLY opening the door for him to hurt me again. I have no clue why he felt the need to hurt me again, I never hurt him and I certainly didn't deserve it. I KNOW this guy is a selfish, manipulative jerk, that he came over to my house with the purpose of telling me he was seeing someone just to make sure I still had feelings for him, and I should hate him. All of this I know. In my head.

Now I just have to wait for my heart to catch up. And the incident last night has definitely set me back some. It definitely hurts that he was so quick to move on from me, it makes me feel like what we had wasn't as special as I believed it to be. But I need to confront all these things, I need to realize that moving on is what's best for me, and even though it feels like a step backward, maybe it will propel me forward several steps knowing we are truly, truly, in the truest sense of the word, done.

Still Single and Heartbroken (again)

So...where did we leave off? Oh yeah, I was all hopeful about the prospect of getting back together with my ex - the one who left me heartbroken after a little over a year...

Things started out really well! We were so happy to be spending time with eachother again...we were going out to our favorite restaurants, seeing concerts, and seriously enjoying our "private time."

Admittedly, things were not perfect, but definitely looking up.

We took great pains to try and restructure our relationship - whereas before we had jumped in head first and spent pretty much all our free time together right away. This time we tried to take things slower - only seeing eachother 3-4 nights a week. We both thought this would help us keep a better balance of our relationship and our individual lives. It was tough, but it seemed worth it, because after all, if you think you are with the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, everything ALWAYS seems worth it, right?

You may be thinking "why was it tough?" Well (and this is something I never would have known had I not tried it) it is very difficult to have a different relationship with the same person. It's something of a disconnect, to say the least.

So things were generally going really well, with a few minor obstacles...
1. He insisted on hanging out with a girl he had met while we were broken up in a 1-on-1 fashion
He insisted that it wasn't a date, that they were just friends, and nothing physical had ever happened between them. Now, I don't want to be "that girl" but I thought it was super inappropriate to make plans with a girl in that way. Like "hey, I'll come pick you up and we'll go do something fun together like night swimming at Barton Springs" (and yes, THAT is actually the activity he planned, to add insult to injury). I wouldn't have minded if he had invited her out to meet up with him and a bunch of his friends, but something felt really insulting about the way these events were going to transpire. So, I told him. And I definitely expected him to care, but he didn't. After an argument (that shouldn't have become an argument, in my opinion) he finally conceded that I was right and agreed to change the nature of his plans with her. (IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: she ended up flaking out on him...hahaha)

2. He didn't tell his friends we were dating again. I should have known this was a HUGE red flag, but I figured I would be patient and let him tell them when he was ready.

Notice I am writing all of this in the past tense...

Last Friday, we were at the Citizen Cope Concert at Stubb's having a great time, dancing, kissing, laughing, drinking...after the show he even suggested we go somewhere else - so we walked over to Side Bar (this sequence of events coincidentally happened the 3rd date this time around, except it was a Chromeo concert). It was shortly after I ordered our beers (and I honestly still don't know how we got on the topic of conversation) that he basically said that "this wasn't working for him."

We left the bar (he actually had the nerve to ask me if I wanted a ride home). We talked in the car and I actually invited him in. He came inside and we spent one last night together. When we woke up in the morning, we talked some more...I actually thought I was getting through to him. I told him I knew he was but that there is a reason we were drawn to each other again, that we are giving it another go. I asked him to please not freak out and run away, to not do this to me, again. He asked me why I tried so hard for us, and I told him it was because I love him. I told him not to give up on us, he said he would give it some thought.

A couple hours after he left he called to say that he thought it over and he just couldn't do it anymore. That he wants to be single right now. I was pretty disappointed and of course very hurt.

One thing he said to me that really snapped me out of it though was: "I've treated you really badly, and I am not that guy who treats his girlfriend badly. It must be something about you, about us, that makes me act that way toward you."

I said, "So let me get this straight, you are saying it's my fault that you are an asshole to me? I don't think so."

I told him that once we hung up the phone we were done, that there was no more indecision, that there was no changing his mind. I said, "You better be really sure that you don't see me in your future."

He said (meekly), "I'm sure"

And that was that.

Fin.

Old habits...

So, ever since I had lunch last week with my ex, he's been consuming most of my "free thinking" time. I wonder what he is up to, if he's thinking about me too, and most frustratingly - is he seeing someone?

My plan was to wait until he contacted me again for another date, but it didn't entirely work out as I had planned...

I came home tipsy from brunch on Sunday and proceeded to mid-day drunk text (SO much worse than a 2am drunk text because at least whomever is on the recieving end of a 2am text can pretty much assume you were drunk when you wrote it - this is not the case for a 1:30pm Sunday text - who in their right mind would assume someone would be drunk texting at that hour?)

Me: Thinking of you and smiling... (this was true. But - and I regress to my middle school years to say this - "gag me with a spoon!")
Him: Nice to hear, how was tubing? Went to Krause Springs today, was packed.
...we proceeded to update eachother on our respective weekends...nothing juicy (well, not that I shared with him anyway) or to advance this plot so I'm just gonna spare you the details.
His last text was late on Sunday night, so I didn't reply until Monday morning.

Me: Glad you had a good weekend :)
Him: Worn out, it's been tight quarters in the efficiency (he had 3 friends in town), and we've been doing a lot, I need a break.
Me: Yeah, I bet. Well if you wanna grab a meal or something this week, I'm game. Just lemme know.
Him: Ok when ya thinking?
Me: Friday?
Him: Sounds like good potential, let's touch base as the week goes along, cool?

Excuse me? Um, no, it is not "cool" to "better plans" me!

Me: Slightly insulting. but okay... :)
Him: Just want to check with the guys to see what is going on

Since when do you need permission from your guy friends to make plans without them? Or (and what I think is the more likely option) you are checking with the girl you are seeing to make sure she can hang out on Saturday night...

Me: Haha...that didn't help :). It's fine. Talk soon.
Him: I want to hang out with you :)

Then act like it!!

Me: good.

So Tuesday morning he texted to confirm we were still on for Friday. I said yes. I have been anxious about it all week. I am confused about where we're at. After our lunch he told me he still has feelings for me, so is this a date? I guess I'll find out on Friday - and let ya'll know shortly after that :)

Reconnecting...

I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend yesterday (yes, the one who broke my heart less than 2 months ago...)

I don't know what compelled me, but I started a text dialogue with him on Tuesday morning - I knew he was home visiting his family on the East Coast (since we had initially planned the trip together) - so I asked him how is trip had been and how his family was, etc.

Basically, I was putting "feelers" out to see how he would respond, or if he would respond at all. He replied to my text in a matter of minutes. As an aside, I do have to say that one of his more attractive qualities was his lack of game-playing (in the micro sense). We had a text conversation that lasted the span of the ENTIRE day, and when I say "entire" I mean from 8am to 10pm. Whoa.

Throughout the course of our convo, I told him I was auditioning for American Idol. As another aside, a huge aspect of our relationship related to music, we both love it, have the same taste in it, and play it (we were in a band together), so it felt like a natural thing to tell him.

He asked me to please let him know when it was my turn to sing so he could send me positive energy during the audition. A third aside, he is very spiritual, and I would consider myself to "dabble" in spirituality. I thought that was really sweet. So, when the audition was over and I didn't make the cut (not entirely unexpected since I auditioned on a whim and didn't take it very seriously) I texted him that I now had the whole day free and would he like to get some lunch? He agreed and we met up at a great Thai place up on Lamar and North Loop, Titaya.

We had a great time! I am actually kinda shocked about it. We laughed, we joked, we teased eachother, we were both smiling the whole time. Not one awkward pause, not one word spoken about our relationship...just. plain. fun. I left him with a huge smile on my face. Hugged him, told him I had a great time and that it was so nice to see him. He told me it was nice to see me too and that I looked amazing!

Now the interesting part... about an hour later he texted:

Him: "That was fun, I wish we would have had more time to catch up"

Me (trying to keep it light, and not entirely sharing his sentiment that I wish we would have had more time together): I agree, it was really fun. We'll just have more time the next time :)

Him: Sounds good, tho I'll admit, I'm still very attracted to you, both emotionally and physically...

What!?!?!?! Excuse me, did I just hallucinate? I didn't even know what to say! I felt robbed of the opportunity to have heard the tone in his voice and the look on his face when he said that, and as such didn't really know what he meant by it.

1. Does he mean that he's not ready to "hang out" with me because he still has feelings for me?

2. Does he want to "hang out" with me because he still has feelings for me?

3. Was he trying to bait me in to admitting that I still have feelings for him?

Whatever it was, I didn't take the bait. I called him on the phone (cause that's what mature people do) and asked him what he meant by that. He said he just wanted me to know how he felt. That if we were to hang out again he wants to be upfront that he still has feelings for me, and that while he was home he had moments of feeling like a complete idiot for letting me go.

Whoa.

I have to say, I am not upset by this turn of events. BUT, I also have to say, I am not about to jump back into a relationship with him. What I will do is go on some dates with him (much like I am doing with the new guys I meet) and see how things play out.

It's tough because I have been spending a lot of time convincing myself that he is not right for me, focusing on all his flaws, and convincing myself that I don't want to be with him (something I HAD to do in order to get over him). What now might be the problem, is I may have started to believe myself.

Did I Read the Wrong Signals?

So, remember Text Message Blow Off Guy? His text message was basically the catalyst for the beginning of this blog!

What I left out of the original post is that he is a very close friend of the "guy who is currently following around" my girlfriend Mickey. (More on Mickey later, she's great, and probably excellent fodder for future posts!) So after I got the original text, I went out and met Mickey and the "guy who is currently following her around" for drinks. This is when they told me that they had known a week ago that TMBOG wasn't really that into me, they just never told me.

So, after this overwhelming evidence that this guy just wasn't gonna work out for me, I just got over it. It sucks when you get excited about someone only to have it end abruptly...but such is life, besides, I am dating three other guys.

Fast forward to yesterday @ 12:45 I get a text...

TMBOG: "Lunch Today?"

Seriously? Now I am so confused:
1. was the original text message not a blow off?
2. Is he only interested because I never responded to his blow off? (I'm sure his ego was a bit hurt that I didn't seem to "care" he blew me off)
3. Did he accidentally text the wrong person?

I didn't reply until 4pm.

Me: "Hey, been in meetings all day. Rain check?"
(not completely I lie, I was in meetings from 1:30 - 4)

TMBOG: (2 hours later) sounds good.

Uh oh, let the games begin! Oh wait, they already started. Let the games continue!

;)

3 Exes and no O's

Bachelor #1: The Ex-Not-Quite-Boyfriend.

One of the first things that I do when I begin the breakup process is call up one of my exes. (If you try this tactic as a means to make yourself feel better while going through a breakup, which I do, it is VERY important to note that the ex you dial up should be one that YOU broke up with, and not the other way around).

This particular "ex" is a great fun-loving guy who while he may not adore me, always answers my calls and is ready to hang out. For me, he falls into that category of a guy a dated for a a few months, never quite made it to the boyfriend-girlfriend status, but now that we're not seeing eachother anymore it's much easier to just call him my ex-boyfriend rather than explain the whole situtaion like I just did. (You know what I mean, right?)

He is a whole lot of fun, has a bunch of friends with boats (yay summer suntan!), but ultimately I have already been down this road and know that he is not "one of the ones" for me. (sigh).

Bachelor #2: The Ex-Neighbor

I randomly ran into one of my old neighbors two weeks ago @ Epoch coffee on North Loop. (After I had just snagged an AMAZING 3-piece vintage luggage set for $10 at Blue Velvet, so I was already in a great mood.) I had always thought he was super good-looking but I also always seemed to run into him when I was looking less than my best (aka taking the dog for a walk whilst super hungover in the morning), so I just figured we weren't meant to be. :)

We caught up for a few minutes, updating eachother on the health of our respective puppies, he shocked the heck outta me by asking me out for a drink! I told him I was glad he asked and immediately accepted.

After two consecutive Tuesday night dates, I think I have realized that the "romantic potential" isn't quite there. I may go out on a third date just to test my theory, but I'm pretty sure my instincts are right on this one. (I'll keep you posted).

Bachelor #3: Someone Else's Ex

Oh jeez! At first, this guy had the most potential...we met at the Robert Plant show last Monday @ Stubb's. He was good-looking and nice and clearly he has good taste in music. We chatted and flirted and exchanged phone numbers. He called me Tuesday and asked me out!

First red flag:
Him: "The movie is at 7, why don't you come meet me at my place and we can go from there?"
Me: Parking downtown kinda sucks, why don't you just come get me since I am on the way?
Him: Okay, where do you live?
Me: In Clarksville (gave him my address).
Him: Oh, I used to live in Clarksville with my ex, she still lives there.
(okay no big thing, except it came out later that after a 5-year "on and off" relationship, they have only been broken up for 2 months. I know, I know, who am I to judge? I am only 1 month out. Yet, notice that I do not talk about him on first dates...which seems pretty obvious.)

We went to the Alamo Drafthouse to see a movie, he ordered a pitcher of beer.

Second red flag:
Me: I think I am really in the mood for a sandwich
Him: Do you want to split a pizza?

(I'm confused, was he just totally not listening to me, or being cheap? See red flag #3)

He ordered another pitcher of beer. Toward the end of the movie the check arrives.

Third Red Flag:
Me: Do you want to split it? (obviously asking out of pure politeness)
Him: yeah.

(...really? I am not trying to be ridiculous here, but I only offered because I know it is the polite thing to do. You can't expect a man to pay, that is taking advantage right? But come on, any guy I am going to take seriously would NEVER have taken me up on that offer.)

Later that evening...we managed to catch a surprise set from Alpha Rev @ The Parish. He and I are both musicians so I mused... "Isn't this the kind of band you would love to be in?" His response: "Nah, I'd rather play more depressing music."

Fourth Freaking Red Flag!

I think I am gonna pull the classic "projecting" excuse and just tell him that I'm not ready to be dating anyone right now, maybe putting that idea in his head will make him realize that he has a little ways to go before he is ready to "get out there" again.

I feel a little guilty for being fortunate enough to be dating 3 (relatively great) guys and "one of my ones" is not among them.

To quote one of my favorite authors, "So it goes."

A (little) background on me.

I just jumped into the blog-o-sphere last week with little explanation of who I am...but, I don't want to get too in-depth up front because I figure many of my stories will relate in some way to experiences I've had in the past and I would like for those of you reading this to learn about me organically.

So, all that being said - I'm just gonna fill you in on where I am at, right now.

My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me about a month ago...it has been really tough. As hurt as I am by the whole experience, I am well on my way to realizing that it was all for the best. As much as we loved and cared for each other, our plans for the future didn't quite allign and if we would have eneded up together in the end, it's very possible that neither of us would have reached our true potential for happiness.

I have quickly thrust myself back into the dating scene, something I didn't particularly want to have to go through again, but I have always considered myself to be generally "good at being single."

So, here I go again, on another quest for "the one," or rather "someone," whom I can spend the rest of my life with. A month out of a relationship this still seems like a pretty lofty ambition, but I'll get there eventually. (I hope).

Text Message Blow-off - Translated.

There is no better source for blog material than drawing from the adventures one has in the dating world...

I recently went out on a few dates with a guy who I thought was fun and sweet with whom I felt there was a good chemistry. Well, after date #3 all of a sudden, the texts and calls stopped. Not a huge deal, this kind of thing happens all the time...but then, last night, after a week and a half since we last saw each other (this is not including when we ran into each other randomly one day last week)...he sends this message:

"Thought i'd see you at this --- function tonight. Sorry i've been mia, just been super busy, kinda bad timing with everything going on"

That was the guy version...

Here is my interpretation:

"I thought I was going to get a chance to blow you off in person, but since that didn't randomly happen, I am blowing you off via text. Sorry I've been blowing you off by not calling or texting, but in case there was any confusion about whether or not I was actually blowing you off, I was. And now I am formally blowing you off via text."

Seriously? I got the point when I hadn't heard from you in over a week. Save your 10 cents next time.

;)