Full (Dis)Closure

I broke down and sent a text (um, some texts) to Parker last night... I just felt that as I kept talking to people they kept telling me that he would probably realize he over reacted and call me and I just wasn't sure they we're right and the anxious feeling in my stomach of not knowing and feeling like it was over-but--maybe-not-over was a bit too much.

This what I wrote:

I keep going back over things in my head and I’m at a bit of a loss for how things unraveled so quickly given how much we seem to like each other and all the things we have in common. I’m really sad and I’ve been beating myself up for how things went down. I’d still like to think this is fixable and that it’s worth fixing; I hope you do too – Not so long ago a pretty smart man told me these things take work and talking.

This was what he wrote back:

Hey. Thanks for reaching out. You are a great person and I did really like you. It hasn't been fun for me either since Friday but I do feel it was the right decision. I'm sorry.

I actually feel a bit better and stronger knowing that I am not waiting for a phone call that is never going to come. I do still think it is a little strange that through all his claims of feelings for me (the very ones I doubted that eventually caused this debacle) he was so willing to give me up that easily. Perhaps ultimately I may not have gotten the whole story - that, I think may have been the Elephant in the room the whole time - it wasn't about time or Fridays or Saturdays, that's why his effort wasn't enough for me. He was shutting me out, from something.

I wrote him back one more text - I didn't expect him to respond and he didn't:

I'm sorry too. You know, you told me once that you sometimes let your emotions get the best of you, both the good ones and the bad ones, so you just push people away. Maybe with some time you'll realize the last thing I wanted was to ruin what we had. I made a mistake, I know I pressured you and I shouldn't have, and I feel awful about it. If you like me as much as you say you did, hopefully you'll figure out how to forgive me and maybe we can try this again one day.

I know... I laid it on a bit thick. Because I don't think I was entirely in the wrong - just my methods - but I do think it just might be bad timing and he needed an out, for now, and some time to figure himself out until he can give me (or someone) what I (or they) need. Maybe we just need a break to reset. Or maybe we're just actually done. As Justin Bobby from The Hills says, "Truth and time tells all."

At least he didn't respond with an "I don't think so," or "Please don't contact me anymore." Ha.

So...back to the dating bender.  On the upside, since Parker and I started dating, Tinder became all the rage, and truth be told I was kinda dying to give it a whirl. ;-)