Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Rough Transition

Parker has been back for two weeks now - the great news: we finally slept together and it was G-O-O-D, good! (Thank g-o-d); the bad news: it's been a bit of an anxiety ridden couple weeks.

I don't quite know how to explain it, but a couple days before he got back, I could start to sense a switch being flipped. It was like a this-was-all-exciting-and make-believe-because-I-was-leaving-for-a-few-weeks-to-traverse-the-globe-but-holy-crap-now-that-I-am-coming-home-and-have-to-get-back-to-everyday-life-this-sh*t-is-about-to-get-real-and-I'm-freaking-out-right-now switch. Ya know, that one. ;-)

It started when he told me that our plans for the day he got back would have to be shuffled around because he had to help a friend move. Yeah...so rather than spending the whole day together and ripping off each other's clothes, per the original plan, he opted to move a couch, a bed, and a bunch of boxes while jetlagged? Hmmmm...

Then, he suggested we spend the day together on Friday - so we took a drive up the coast, went wine tasting and ended up at the LACMA. It was an incredibly romantic day...one I assumed would end with us finally having sex. (Side note: we did revisit "the talk" about once we slept together neither of us would be seeing anyone else, which he was totally on-board with both before and now). So, what happened? He said he had a birthday party to go to that night. Not only did he insist on going, he didn't invite me. Wtf?!?

He earned back some points when I saw him the next time...he came over to my place and cooked me an elaborate meal and....drumroll, please...this was when we did the deed for the first (ahem, first three) times. But, he left early in the morning and AGAIN I didn't see him for the rest of the week and he didn't include me in ANY of his weekend plans.

I had finally had enough on Friday night when he sent me a text around midnight after he was clearly done with whatever his plans were that evening...(it's not even like he asked me to come over either).

Him: Hey!
Me: Hey
How are you?
Fine, you?
Good. I'm headed home from dinner and drinks with my friend Matt and our friends Sophie, her husband and our other friend who you'll meet on Sunday.
Get home safe
I didn't drive, so I'll be fine ;-) Did you just stay in tonight?
Yep.
Are you okay?
Yep.
Okay, just checking. You are being very "short" tonight.
I know, sorry.

Let's talk tomorrow.
So, I did it, yes in a very passive agressive way, but I had to be "that girl" and lay the "let's talk" on him. Even though he didn't really get that's what I was saying. He did, however understand that I was losing patience with his seeming lack of interest in seeing me often. Even my guy friends have started making fun of me for being his "weekday" girl. Since one of the ways you know a guy is really into you is when he gives you his weekends...

The next morning I suggested we meet for breakfast. He even offered to cancel his plans that afternoon, (Hello! Lightbulb moment!) but of course I didn't let him do that. I told him that there was clearly a disconnect because I know what my expectations are but I have no idea what his are. He basically said that right now he only has 2 days a week to give. Aca-scuse me? Did I hear that right? 2 days a week? I thought we were in an exclusive relationship... But that we should communicate and I should let him know if that wasn't working for me. I told him that is what I was doing right now. He said he would try harder - and that's really all I could ask at that point since it was the first time I said anything since I had gotten back.

Fast-forward to that night: I was going out in Santa Monica with some friends and he was going out to dinner. I asked if they were going out after dinner, he said yes, and I said that maybe we could try to meet up. He said he would let me know where they went. At about 11:15 he told me he was pretty tired and probably going to head home. I asked him if he just wanted to meet us for a drink, he passed. (Side note: the next day he told me he had actually slept through dinner, and by the time I talked to him he was only going to meet up with his people to go out. He had actually gone to a swanky bar called 3110 for a bit before he went home. So yeah, the night before he had bascially completely lied to me...just so he didn't have to meet me out? Naturally I did not make a big deal out of it). Chance #1 to show me you heard anything that I was saying: BLOWN.

We had a great time together on Sunday - he took me to a concert and I stayed over at his place.

Last night, we were texting and I wanted to see what he was up to tonight. I knew almost immediately when I saw the "dot-dot-dot" for a couple minutes on iMessage, that he was going to have an elaborate excuse for why he didn't have time to see me; I was right. Tonight he has plans to hang out with the ex-gf. If my stomach wasn't all up in knots about it, I would be laughing because it's so ridiculous. He said it's because she hasn't seen the dog since he got back (ya know, the one she watched for 3 1/2 weeks while he was gone) and that they haven't really gotten a chance to hang out since he's been back (ya know, except for every week in the league they play in together, and likely at a couple of those birthday parties he didn't invite me to...oh yeah, and the race they're running in together this weekend). All I said was "Gotcha, cool."

He tried to get me to come have lunch with him today, but I didn't bite. (Haha, pun not intended). I'm just really starting to think that he's the type of guy that can't handle anything that's not entirely on his terms. Like, he only wants me to exist when it's convenient for him. That's not good.

So, that's it. You're all caught up. I don't even know what else to say about it all...except that even my mom says I should be seeing other people. She was like - "When I was dating, the guys who really liked me couldn't wait to see me again," and she thinks that being in an exclusive relationship with a guy who only wants to see me 2 days a week is ridiculous. I think I agree.





4 comments:

  1. I think your Mom is right.
    An interested man proves himself by the effort he makes.
    I would suggest you don't contact him & let him take the lead & you'll know for sure where you stand.
    Can't believe he'd rather hang with his ex! That takes some serious guts, or ignorance of your feelings, especially when the relationship is so new, & you'd think he'd want you to feel secure.
    Keep dating, & stay busy!

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    1. I love your advice! It is almost word for word what my mom told me too. I have been letting him take the lead...he contacts me several times a day just to chat and always asks me what I'm doing, and how my day is going. And he flat out tells me how much he likes me. It's so confusing.

      But I still totally agree - I can't believe he would rather hang with his ex either! He should be wanting to make me feel secure, and he's doing the exact opposite. I'm starting to think we just don't want the same thing. :-(

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  2. On the other hand, you mentioned way back, that he has a ton of friends, so maybe it's just a matter of balancing everything?
    He seems to be doing everything right in following up, and trying to make time for you, it's just not as much as you'd like.
    A big clue is if you're able to see him on weekends, it's a good sign, because for a guy to give up even ONE weekend day for a girl, it means a lot.
    You know how guys hate insecure, jealous, & clingy girls, so maybe just play it cool & see if there's some progression?
    I really love reading about your journey so far, & hoping Parker steps it up a bit.

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    1. Thank you and thank you for reading. You made another great point that is exactly one of my main points - I am starting to grow suspicious that he is not including me in his Friday and Saturday nights. Every girl knows (or should know) that is an indicator of a man starting to take you seriously.

      But otherwise, yes, he is really great and I certainly hope he steps it up too!

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