#instagramofficial

...Somebody has a boyfriend...

Stats-
Name: Reuben
Age: 32
Height: 5'11"
Religion: Jewish
Occupation: Digital Media
Education: Ivy League (ding ding ding!)
Hometown: New Orleans, LA
Currently Resides: Hollywood
The Dates: So many good ones

(Did I hit the jackpot or what?)

First let me say - I am THE. WORST. Obviously I owe all my LOYAL readers a HUGE apology (cause there are SO many of you out there, right?). Seriously though, I don't have much of an excuse for walking away from this project for 7 months... I have certainly been doing my fair-share of dating in that time. My one and only Tinder story is the stuff of legends! (and obvs material for a later post) and more as a public shaming to myself - I love this project and I really should be more consistent.

So, back to the post at-hand... I have a boyfriend, y'all!

We have been together for a little over 3 months and I guess I'll have to tell our "getting together" story in reverse over the course of a few posts but most recently we went "official" with an instagram pic, which is kind of a big deal for a number of reasons...

1.  We work together

Dear HR, I knowingly and willingly enter into this consensual, adult, sexual relationship. Eeek!

2.  My ex refused to ever acknowledge our relationship on SM

Facebook was really the only social platform at that time and we never changed our status in the 2 years we were together; he was afraid it would negatively affect the audience of our band. He felt it was important that we always appear "available." What a dick. Oh the things that become SO CLEAR to us in hindsight. I would NEVER let anyone treat me like that now. Ugh.

3. Social media. Period.

Social media can cause so many problems in a relationship, the least of which is miscommunication and I would posit the most of which is the temptation to and/or straight up cheating. I went back through my blog to see if I had ever posted my personal policy on social media and dating and was SHOCKED that I hadn't written a post on it yet, SHOCKED, I tell you - especially because I wrote a "Rules of Singledom" post - I really dropped the ball on that one. 

So, guess what that means...?

BONUS BLOG: Social Media Etiquette When Dating 

I feel very strongly about this subject (side note: I feel very strongly about a lot of subjects which is what makes having a blog great!). The premise is very simple - You DO NOT become any form of social media friends with ANYONE you are dating until you are BOYFRIEND & GIRLFRIEND. PERIOD. Not just "exclusive" - but serious, ready to change your status, BF/GF.

Some FAQ's:

What about Following them on Twitter?: NO

What about Following on Instagram?: NO

How about becoming Facebook friends?: NO

How will I know what they are doing?: Ask them (a novel concept, I know)

What if I think they are lying?: Then they are probably not someone you should be dating

What about Snapchat?: OK, this is an exception to the rule, since it's not technically a network

Can I check their social networks: YES, this is totally allowed (from time-to-time) - it makes sense to vet people, check to see who you know in common (esp, when you are online dating, look at some pictures) but most people have plenty of information available publicly and you don't need to take the added step to make it "feed" into your consciousness. When you are not friends/following you have to take that extra step to look at their page - and if you do it too often - it really is a little like cyber-stalking, and that is unhealthy - you are awesome and have a life, stop cyber-stalking! :-) 

I do have some very good reasons for this policy - generally it's just that in the beginning stages, dating is just that, dating. Likely both of you are dating a couple different people - maybe you are in the process of wrapping up a casual thing, maybe he went out on a couple dates with another girl last month but decided he didn't like her that much, but may still want to sleep with her if he can - the point is, after one or two dates... who knows, amirite!?! Why torture yourself with the status update and the pictures and the et cetera. Just don't.

Then, as you start dating more often, you still don't want to know the things that you are being left out of - because it starts to hurt your feelings, right? When you are together, things are so great! But social media - it can derail an otherwise good thing. So, just say no.

In all honesty another good reason comes from an example of the ONE time in recent history that I broke my own rule and lived to regret it - it was with Parker - obviously. (Seriously, could that mini-relationship have been a better learning experience?) He was traveling abroad, so we decided to become Facebook friends before he left so that I could see his pictures and potentially "chat" through FB messenger while he was gone. So, the intention was good - but once we were FB friends we decided to follow each other on Instagram and so on...

Well, we all know how things worked out with Parker; they didn't. So what did I have to do? Defriend, unfollow.. Then I was all... When do I do that? Do I block him? How soon is too soon? I don't want to look dramatic and defriend him right away...but I don't want HIM to do it first. And on and on and on. So after I defriended and unfollowed and blocked the ONLY thing I could think was how immature and childish the whole thing made me feel. It left me with such a bad taste in my mouth that it just reconfirmed my policy to NEVER be social media anythings with anyone ever again until he was my boyfriend.

ENTER Reuben.