Another Text Message Blow-Off Guy.

One would think that one heart wrenching TMBOG would be enough to last a lifetime but noooo, I had to have two of them! And strangely enough they were both what drove me to write and then pick back up this blog. So interesting!

A couple days ago in my post explaining where I have been for the past two and a half years, I mentioned this supposedly great guy that I had been talking to for a couple months. Well, we had just had this amazing date - only our third - despite having been talking for so long, but it had seriously been going great and it wasn't just in my head, I swear. Again, with the third date curse for the TMBOG.

We had gone out on a Wednesday and he was headed out of town for the weekend but he said he wanted to see me again soon, so we had made plans for Sunday night. I suggested he come over to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. We had been talking about it at dinner.

On Friday he sent me a text that he was really excited about seeing me on Sunday (so cute!) and what should he bring? Wine? Dessert?

Immediately, I started thinking, Oh, crap! Does he think I invited him over for dinner? Dinner had not been my intention but rather than obsess about it, I just asked him what time he was getting back to town and if I should make dinner too. He said he would be back late afternoon and certainly didn't expect me to make him dinner but would gladly accept. A great answer, which of course meant I was happy to cook him dinner - so I told him to bring desert.

I now realize Date #3 is WAY TOO SOON for the "cooking dinner for a guy" date, even though it kind of happened organically and accidentally...but I digress and foreshadow...

He came over around 7 - I had some snacks on the coffee table and we opened a nice bottle of red wine that I had around the house. I had prepared dinner to the point that it would only take 20 minutes to finish so we hung out, snacked, talked and then I finished dinner relatively quickly when we started to get hungry. (For the record: I made a Mediterranean Pasta with artichoke hearts, sun dried tomatoes, olives, roasted red peppers, and parmesan cheese with mustard chicken and Greek Salad - honestly, not a huge effort, I like to cook).

As it had been since the moment we started talking, the whole evening was so comfortable (even when we broke one of my wine glasses) we had great conversation, no awkward moments and just a generally amazing time. We ate around 8:30, tuned into GOT at our leisure (thank you DVR), and when it was over, we finished off the bottle of wine and eventually got frisky(!). So freakin' fun. He was an incredible kisser and I know that I was not imagining our chemistry.

At one point he said to me... "I am really trying to be good here."
I said, "I appreciate that...we'll have time to be bad another night."
Then he said, "Then I should probably go before I take off my pants."
To which we both started laughing. Cute, right?
We kissed some more... (and ya know, some other mostly PG-Rated stuff). But it did not go further than that, because I'm a lady!

When he left he kissed me and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, let's do something on Thursday or Friday." A-MAZ-ING! :-)

He did not call me tomorrow.

Instead, two days later I got this (and I quote):

Hey there. So I've been giving this some thought and the truth is, I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm beginning to think that I signed up for [online dating] as a distraction more than anything. So far, you are the only person I have gone out with more than once and as things have progressed, I've realized that it is disingenuous for me to continue. I don't want to lead you on or waste your time. You are really cool girl and I like you a lot, but frankly, my life is at a crossroads and I need to do some soul-searching before I can really be intimately involved with anyone. I'm sure this comes as a surprise and I apologize for that. If you want to have a conversation I'm available to do so later this evening. Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't. I'm truly sorry for wasting your time. -TMBOG2

WTMEF!?!? (What-the-Mother-Effing-F**k!?!?)

Whew, where do I even start? First, let me just say, I didn't even bother to respond. Which was hopefully infuriating or at least unsettling for him.

Now let's take a stab at dissecting this note that puts the "mess" in text message, shall we?

Here's my ("he's a total a**hole") interpretation:

I'm not looking for something serious - I only signed up for online dating to get laid and usually that happens right away, but at most I didn't think it would take this long. Since you haven't slept with me by now, I am not willing to put in any more effort. I liked hanging out with you enough to stick it out until now, but you are clearly looking for a relationship and I don't want one, or at least not with you. Even though I told you I was ready for a relationship, I was lying...to get laid. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, that I'm not sorry. (and when you sign your name, that pretty much means Sayonara forever.)

Here's my ("giving him the benefit of the doubt") interpretation:

I think you might more into me than I am into you, and I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a relationship so quickly with anyone, or with you. I'm a little freaked out and I don't want to be a bad guy so rather than talk about it, I am just going to feed you a bunch of BS about soul-searching and end things now so no one gets hurt. But if you want to talk about it, we can.

The couple things in his original message that really kill me are:
1. "You are a really cool girl and I like you a lot" - why bother telling me he likes me a lot?  Cool, I liked you a lot too, fat-lotta-good that does me now. It is so confusing to me why guys do that... I don't care that you like me anymore. Do they honestly think it will soften the blow? It doesn't, it doesn't make anyone feel better if the overall message is still "goodbye."
2. "If you want to have a conversation I am available to do so..." - What do you mean, if I want to have a conversation? Wouldn't that make me really pathetic? (Yes). You just sent me an epic text telling me you don't want to see me anymore, what do I have to talk to you about? I'm certainly not going to try to change your mind...I have long-standing policy against convincing men to be with me (My Ex, unfortunately, excluded).
3. "Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't." - Well, I wouldn't have thought I did anything wrong until you went out of your way to say that, and now I know I did something wrong and I know what that "something" was. I showed him that I was excited about him too early on. I know that I didn't overtly come on too strong, but it was just the care I took in making dinner and "entertaining" in my home, in general. In how effortlessly and smoothly the night went, he saw how interested I am in something long-term and he freaked, plain and simple. Lesson learned - the hard way. :-(

I told you that I didn't reply, but here is what I wish I would have sent back:

TMBOG2, It would have been nice if you had been the one who wanted to have a conversation about this prior to sending me a text message soliloquy. From what you wrote though, I gather that you have no interest in ever seeing me again, so at this point it doesn't seem that we have anything to discuss. Best, Penny

Okay, enough obsessing. I am actually mostly over it since it happened a couple weeks ago, but hadn't yet put pen to paper about it until today.

Stay tuned tomorrow for another Dating Bender post!

Making a List & Checking it Twice

I was going back through my blog yesterday as I was redesigning it...(PS, what do y'all think of the new look?) and I realize that I mentioned a couple people and things that I said I would update on and then life happened, and those people and things just fell by the wayside. So here is a list of all the people I mentioned so far (in chronological order by post) and my "current status" with that person, plus some new (old) additions worth mentioning...

Text Message Blow-off Guy: we're "friendly," I guess. Because we have mutual friends, I sent him a text a couple days ago to invite him to a group thing and he got back to me that he is out of town.
The 3 Bachelors - #1 and I will always be somewhat in touch, recently not that much but that's part of our usual dynamic. #2 texted me to ask me out again and I respectfully turned him down. The chemistry just wasn't there. #3 was never seen nor heard from again.
Mickey - turns out the "Guy who was currently following her around" became her boyfriend and now I barely see her. I am sad that she turned out to be one of those girls who disappears once she gets into a relationship. Not that I can blame her, I have definitely done that in the past, I just try really hard not to do that anymore.
The Ex - haven't had a word of contact since November 1st. I half expected to hear from him on my birthday if he was ever going to make some sort of effort at being friends. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed, but the farther away I get from the relationship, the easier it is, so I know it's better this way.
Pointless Guy - I gave the big update about him in my last post, but since then, no contact as I predicted. Awkward and predictable, two of my least favorite qualities, haha.
Co-worker Guy - Never made it out on Wednesday which was disappointing. But at least he texted an apology and said he'd "be glad to have a belated birthday celebration and make up for it." I texted him back that I was gonna take him up on his offer to make it up to me and that he should pick a night that works for him. So far, no word. Sad face. :(

...and now some new (old) additions:

Yoga Guy -
He tends bar at one of my favorite neighborhood dives (where I used to hang out at A LOT more that I do now.) and we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. It culminated one night a couple years ago when at the end of a long night he told me he was dog sitting for his parents and had to go take care of them before he went home. Did I want to join him? So off we went...I had no idea what I was in store for... We pulled up at a mansion on Lake Austin and two adorable golden retrievers greeted us in the driveway. We played for a bit and then proceeded inside where Yoga opened a bottle of wine. We hung out for a while until we got a "wild hair" and decided to sneak into the neighbor's pool and go swimming. (In our undies of course, no nudity). We had a great time playing in the pool, and kissing a-lot-a-bit and then called it a night. I woke up and found myself next to this lovely man, in a bay window with the sun streaming in and an amazing view of the lake. Yoga made me breakfast and then he dropped me off at my car. We see each other all the time, and yet nothing like that has ever happened again. Still, I only have the fondest of memories of that night.
So, why do I bring this up you ask? Yoga and I ended up hanging out the other night all night again. We had a great time, he is so easy to spend time with. He's the kind of guy you could imagine never having a fight with because he is so laid back. Well, I wasn't really sure where this spending time together was headed, but toward the end of the night he cut me off at the pass and explained that he was definitely interested in me, but nothing could happen at the moment because he is "kinda seeing someone." And that he needed to have a conversation with her to see where they stood. I actually really respect that because that is how I would want a guy I was seeing to treat me. I'm still not sure what's going on but he has been awfully flirtatious on my facebook page over the past couple days...

The Celebrity -
This guy was by far and away the highlight of my week. At above-mentioned neighborhood dive I found him there having a beer all by his lonesome, and since I had ventured out alone too, I just decided to chat him up. I confessed that I had "watching parties" for the show he is on and surprisingly he seemed to find that charming. :) Ladies of Austin, if you have an inkling as to whom I may be talking about let me assure you that his is fully GORGEOUS and gracious up close and in person. We ended up talking for about an hour and he asked me if I would allow him to buy me a beer (!) It was so fun to flirt unabashedly with him (because again, if you can guess who I am talking about, he is most likely in a relationship and we just don't know about it yet). I told him he should make a cameo at one of my viewing parties and he laughed and said he thought that would be fun. Since I know where he hangs I might have to go say hi to him again one of these days...

Okay, wow this post turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought it would be, so that's all for now.

Oh and also, I totally just got busted writing this blog in public today. I didn't realize how flustered I would get to be found out for writing a blog called "Adventures in Dating." Hahaha, I guess that is just another reason why I decided to keep it anonymous and give everyone nicknames.

And Food Blogger guy who busted me...I hope you looked me up and are reading this! And tell your roommates about it too! ;)

Did I Read the Wrong Signals?

So, remember Text Message Blow Off Guy? His text message was basically the catalyst for the beginning of this blog!

What I left out of the original post is that he is a very close friend of the "guy who is currently following around" my girlfriend Mickey. (More on Mickey later, she's great, and probably excellent fodder for future posts!) So after I got the original text, I went out and met Mickey and the "guy who is currently following her around" for drinks. This is when they told me that they had known a week ago that TMBOG wasn't really that into me, they just never told me.

So, after this overwhelming evidence that this guy just wasn't gonna work out for me, I just got over it. It sucks when you get excited about someone only to have it end abruptly...but such is life, besides, I am dating three other guys.

Fast forward to yesterday @ 12:45 I get a text...

TMBOG: "Lunch Today?"

Seriously? Now I am so confused:
1. was the original text message not a blow off?
2. Is he only interested because I never responded to his blow off? (I'm sure his ego was a bit hurt that I didn't seem to "care" he blew me off)
3. Did he accidentally text the wrong person?

I didn't reply until 4pm.

Me: "Hey, been in meetings all day. Rain check?"
(not completely I lie, I was in meetings from 1:30 - 4)

TMBOG: (2 hours later) sounds good.

Uh oh, let the games begin! Oh wait, they already started. Let the games continue!

;)

Text Message Blow-off - Translated.

There is no better source for blog material than drawing from the adventures one has in the dating world...

I recently went out on a few dates with a guy who I thought was fun and sweet with whom I felt there was a good chemistry. Well, after date #3 all of a sudden, the texts and calls stopped. Not a huge deal, this kind of thing happens all the time...but then, last night, after a week and a half since we last saw each other (this is not including when we ran into each other randomly one day last week)...he sends this message:

"Thought i'd see you at this --- function tonight. Sorry i've been mia, just been super busy, kinda bad timing with everything going on"

That was the guy version...

Here is my interpretation:

"I thought I was going to get a chance to blow you off in person, but since that didn't randomly happen, I am blowing you off via text. Sorry I've been blowing you off by not calling or texting, but in case there was any confusion about whether or not I was actually blowing you off, I was. And now I am formally blowing you off via text."

Seriously? I got the point when I hadn't heard from you in over a week. Save your 10 cents next time.

;)