Dating Bender: Episode 2 - "Enter Parker"

Stats -
Name: Parker
Age: 30
Height: 6'0"
Occupation: Teacher (cute)
Education: Master's Degree (woot woot!)
Hometown: Boston
Currently Resides: Mid-City
The Date: Drinks at a bar/restaurant in Weho

Parker is actually one of the only guys I contacted first, and it was because we had this coincidental connection about our parents being from the same place and having relocated to the same city and having conflicting sports allegiances - but usually I like to let the guy make the first move.

When I walked in, he was already waiting for me at the bar - he was just as cute, if not cuter, than his pictures. (yay!) Pretty much from the moment I sat down, the conversation flowed like we were old friends who hadn't seen each other in years; we talked about music, food, our families, his "kids" (he's a teacher, see above)...for 6 hours! It was pretty ridiculous how much we have in common.

I'm not going to recount all of our conversation for you, for obvious reasons, but early on in the evening I ordered a drink and since he had already started a tab the bartender asked if he should put it on his tab and he said "yes." I said, "thanks."

Then we ordered our second round and the bartender didn't ask, he just put the drinks on Parker's tab, which makes sense.

I started to get hungry, so I said, "I'm think I am going to order a little something, are you hungry? He said, "I can always eat." I LOVE that answer. So we (and by "we" I mean I) ordered a steamed artichoke and seared tuna appetizers just for a little snack. The bartender, again just put it on Parker's tab.

At that point I felt a little bad so I said to Parker, "We can split up the bill later if you want." I didn't want him to think I was taking advantage because the tab issue is a little different than the bill coming at the end of the night, since his credit card is already being held by the bartender. (As you ladies know, the check moment is THE moment when you get feedback on how the date is going, and it usually comes at the end, I got it in the middle).

BONUS BLOG: When on a date, especially the first date (but I suggest all the way through date 3) you must always offer and BE PREPARED TO pay for your half of the date. I never offer to pay for the whole thing and once they've said "no, don't worry about it," don't insist on paying, that's weird. It's personal preference but, I usually don't do the wallet reach since it usually looks disingenuous and my purse it usually so disorganized it's just a bunch of me fumbling around in there for 5 minutes. I'll just casually say, "Hey, do you want to split this?" If he says "yes" then he is not that into you, girl and you are not getting a follow-up phone call. If he lets you split it and then tries to follow up with you, I HIGHLY suggest you respectfully decline. A couple important notes: 1. Just because he does pay does not necessarily mean you are getting a second date, he might just have been raised right. 2. If you don't do the cursory "offer" that might be a deal-breaker for some guys because it appears that you were not raised right. 3. If you are not into a guy and you don't want the second date, don't bother with any of this and let him pay, if it's mutual and he's a real jerk though, he may call you out and make you pay your part. ;-)

So, where was I? Oh yes...Parker and I... I offered to split the bill later even though it was the middle of the date since I had just put food on his tab instead of opening up my own tab. He was so sweet and said, "don't worry about it, this is my treat." But then we actually got onto a conversation about dating etiquette which I thought was really funny given that we were only on a first date. But we felt so comfortable with each other it didn't seem weird that we were essentially talking about the politics of dating while just getting to know each other. We even exchanged our worst first date stories.

He told me that if he really likes a girl after a date he'll text her that same night and let her know he had a good time. So, of course I teased him that at least I would know later if tonight went well or not. I told him I was surprised he did the "same night text", but if I have a good time, and particularly on a night like tonight (when we spent 6 hours together he bought me 4 expensive mixed cocktails and food) I would send him an "I had a nice time, thank you." text the next day. He said, he's honest and doesn't like to mess around with people. It must be an East Coast thing, but if he doesn't like you, he's not gonna pretend he does and if he does like you, he'll show it. -- I like that.

Fast forward to 1:30 am when we finally closed out... we walked outside the bar and he gave me a sweet peck. The ONE negative to the night is he didn't offer to walk me to my car. And I have to admit, as amazing a time as I had last night, that one sticks with me a bit since I had to walk 2 blocks to my car down Santa Monica Blvd. alone.

When I got home I (obviously) got the same night text -

Him: So tonight was really fun. Looking forward to going out again. If you're free next Wednesday or even this Sunday night let me know. I figure anything that goes almost 6 hours is a good thing ;)

I have a going-away party to go to on Wednesday night next week, and I thought for a moment about canceling my Mr. Sunday to go out with Parker again and then I thought, this is exactly why you are doing a dating bender - to break your old habits! Plus, I'm really excited about Mr. Sunday, we have some seriously good witty text banter. 

Me: Glad I got the post-date text ;-) I had a lot of fun too, clearly. I'm busy Wed and Sun :-( but I definitely want to see you again soon. Let me know what else you have free and let's figure something out.

Him: Clearly you are sooo popular. I'm free next Thursday as well if you are. [Just have other stuff going on Monday and Tuesday nights] Or we can do a hike during the day or something like that. Friday I leave for a wedding.

Me: Thursday is perfect :-)

Him: Thursday it is. :)

Yay! Date number 2 with Parker is already booked for next week. I'm really excited!

This probably goes without saying but, Chances I'll hear from him again: 5 out of 5

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, and this is kind of a bummer, since he's on summer break from school, he is traveling for 3 weeks in July. Not a huge deal, since he is coming back, but that likely means that date number 2 will be our last until after he gets back to town...good thing I have so many other guys to keep me occupied! :-)

Another Text Message Blow-Off Guy.

One would think that one heart wrenching TMBOG would be enough to last a lifetime but noooo, I had to have two of them! And strangely enough they were both what drove me to write and then pick back up this blog. So interesting!

A couple days ago in my post explaining where I have been for the past two and a half years, I mentioned this supposedly great guy that I had been talking to for a couple months. Well, we had just had this amazing date - only our third - despite having been talking for so long, but it had seriously been going great and it wasn't just in my head, I swear. Again, with the third date curse for the TMBOG.

We had gone out on a Wednesday and he was headed out of town for the weekend but he said he wanted to see me again soon, so we had made plans for Sunday night. I suggested he come over to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. We had been talking about it at dinner.

On Friday he sent me a text that he was really excited about seeing me on Sunday (so cute!) and what should he bring? Wine? Dessert?

Immediately, I started thinking, Oh, crap! Does he think I invited him over for dinner? Dinner had not been my intention but rather than obsess about it, I just asked him what time he was getting back to town and if I should make dinner too. He said he would be back late afternoon and certainly didn't expect me to make him dinner but would gladly accept. A great answer, which of course meant I was happy to cook him dinner - so I told him to bring desert.

I now realize Date #3 is WAY TOO SOON for the "cooking dinner for a guy" date, even though it kind of happened organically and accidentally...but I digress and foreshadow...

He came over around 7 - I had some snacks on the coffee table and we opened a nice bottle of red wine that I had around the house. I had prepared dinner to the point that it would only take 20 minutes to finish so we hung out, snacked, talked and then I finished dinner relatively quickly when we started to get hungry. (For the record: I made a Mediterranean Pasta with artichoke hearts, sun dried tomatoes, olives, roasted red peppers, and parmesan cheese with mustard chicken and Greek Salad - honestly, not a huge effort, I like to cook).

As it had been since the moment we started talking, the whole evening was so comfortable (even when we broke one of my wine glasses) we had great conversation, no awkward moments and just a generally amazing time. We ate around 8:30, tuned into GOT at our leisure (thank you DVR), and when it was over, we finished off the bottle of wine and eventually got frisky(!). So freakin' fun. He was an incredible kisser and I know that I was not imagining our chemistry.

At one point he said to me... "I am really trying to be good here."
I said, "I appreciate that...we'll have time to be bad another night."
Then he said, "Then I should probably go before I take off my pants."
To which we both started laughing. Cute, right?
We kissed some more... (and ya know, some other mostly PG-Rated stuff). But it did not go further than that, because I'm a lady!

When he left he kissed me and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, let's do something on Thursday or Friday." A-MAZ-ING! :-)

He did not call me tomorrow.

Instead, two days later I got this (and I quote):

Hey there. So I've been giving this some thought and the truth is, I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm beginning to think that I signed up for [online dating] as a distraction more than anything. So far, you are the only person I have gone out with more than once and as things have progressed, I've realized that it is disingenuous for me to continue. I don't want to lead you on or waste your time. You are really cool girl and I like you a lot, but frankly, my life is at a crossroads and I need to do some soul-searching before I can really be intimately involved with anyone. I'm sure this comes as a surprise and I apologize for that. If you want to have a conversation I'm available to do so later this evening. Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't. I'm truly sorry for wasting your time. -TMBOG2

WTMEF!?!? (What-the-Mother-Effing-F**k!?!?)

Whew, where do I even start? First, let me just say, I didn't even bother to respond. Which was hopefully infuriating or at least unsettling for him.

Now let's take a stab at dissecting this note that puts the "mess" in text message, shall we?

Here's my ("he's a total a**hole") interpretation:

I'm not looking for something serious - I only signed up for online dating to get laid and usually that happens right away, but at most I didn't think it would take this long. Since you haven't slept with me by now, I am not willing to put in any more effort. I liked hanging out with you enough to stick it out until now, but you are clearly looking for a relationship and I don't want one, or at least not with you. Even though I told you I was ready for a relationship, I was lying...to get laid. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, that I'm not sorry. (and when you sign your name, that pretty much means Sayonara forever.)

Here's my ("giving him the benefit of the doubt") interpretation:

I think you might more into me than I am into you, and I'm not sure I'm ready to jump into a relationship so quickly with anyone, or with you. I'm a little freaked out and I don't want to be a bad guy so rather than talk about it, I am just going to feed you a bunch of BS about soul-searching and end things now so no one gets hurt. But if you want to talk about it, we can.

The couple things in his original message that really kill me are:
1. "You are a really cool girl and I like you a lot" - why bother telling me he likes me a lot?  Cool, I liked you a lot too, fat-lotta-good that does me now. It is so confusing to me why guys do that... I don't care that you like me anymore. Do they honestly think it will soften the blow? It doesn't, it doesn't make anyone feel better if the overall message is still "goodbye."
2. "If you want to have a conversation I am available to do so..." - What do you mean, if I want to have a conversation? Wouldn't that make me really pathetic? (Yes). You just sent me an epic text telling me you don't want to see me anymore, what do I have to talk to you about? I'm certainly not going to try to change your mind...I have long-standing policy against convincing men to be with me (My Ex, unfortunately, excluded).
3. "Please don't think that you did anything wrong, because you didn't." - Well, I wouldn't have thought I did anything wrong until you went out of your way to say that, and now I know I did something wrong and I know what that "something" was. I showed him that I was excited about him too early on. I know that I didn't overtly come on too strong, but it was just the care I took in making dinner and "entertaining" in my home, in general. In how effortlessly and smoothly the night went, he saw how interested I am in something long-term and he freaked, plain and simple. Lesson learned - the hard way. :-(

I told you that I didn't reply, but here is what I wish I would have sent back:

TMBOG2, It would have been nice if you had been the one who wanted to have a conversation about this prior to sending me a text message soliloquy. From what you wrote though, I gather that you have no interest in ever seeing me again, so at this point it doesn't seem that we have anything to discuss. Best, Penny

Okay, enough obsessing. I am actually mostly over it since it happened a couple weeks ago, but hadn't yet put pen to paper about it until today.

Stay tuned tomorrow for another Dating Bender post!

Dating Bender: Episode 1 - "This is 40?"

Stats -
Name: Tommy
Age: 41
Occupation: Actor (Ugh)
Hometown: New York
Currently Resides: The Valley (Double, Ugh)
The Date: Drinks at Tom Bergin's (An Irish Pub in the Miracle Mile area)

I was really hopeful going into the date, we had a good conversation prior and my mom has been encouraging me to date older guys since, in theory, they would be more apt to settle down faster.
In his pictures he didn't look 41.

I knew immediately when I walked in it was going NOWHERE. Yikes! Honestly that has only happened to me two other times in my life and neither of those times were that fun either. I hope this is not a sign of things to come in the coming weeks...

He was nice enough, but there was NO spark and he was not nearly as cute as in his pictures. He didn't seem like he was trying at all, he looked tired, and not as "rugged" (read: a bit effeminate). Plus, he basically went out of his way to tell me that even at 41 he still wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship, WTF?

We had moments of fine conversation, it wasn't all terrible. Then...he asked me about my siblings, which was sweet but...I mentioned that one of my sisters was dating a guy that no one in my family liked and he said, "She'll probably get pregnant in 3 months."

Admittedly, I had a bit of a crazy moment (and by "a bit of" a I mean ALOT-of-a)...I asked him, "why would you ever put something like that into the Universe?" And if that ended up happening I would kill him for having said that. I obviously didn't mean it, literally. But, I kinda did, in a figurative sense. Who says that? Your sister will probably get pregnant by the guy that no one in your family likes? (Again, admittedly, the normal reaction is probably not saying if it happens you'll kill someone, and I did apologize, but still...) The supportive options would have been along the lines of, "I'm sure it will all work out the way it's supposed to," or "maybe he'll turn out to be a great guy," or "she's probably just going through a phase, and she'll realize you're all right eventually," ya know, something to indicate he has a normal empathetic and/or supportive gene. Particularly because shortly after that he told me that two of his siblings are in bad relationships...WTF x 2! Obviously he's an idiot and there is a reason he is single at 41.

I do feel badly that I acted like a psycho, though. That has honestly NEVER happened before. It was such a weird gut reaction. I guess I have a button, a crazy button, that gets pressed when it comes to my sisters that I just found out about. You learn something new every day.

Note to self: Don't talk about not liking your sister's boyfriend on the first several dates!

Chances I'll hear from this guy again: 0 out of 5

Good thing I don't give a sh*t.

What a Difference Two and A Half Years Makes...Well, Kinda.

Wow, I am ashamed of myself that I let this project fall by the wayside! For those of you who followed in the early days, have been checking back periodically, or have recently found the blog, I am TRULY sorry. I do, however have what I consider to be a series of pretty decent excuses.

Right after the time of my last post, I went home for the holidays to find out that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. I left Austin and moved home to take care of her while she got treatment and to take over her business while she recovered - I am happy to report she has been in full remission for over two years! (knock on wood).

Okay, sad stuff over...

About two years ago, I moved to Los Angeles because I got into Graduate School and have quite possibly been the busiest I could have ever imagined being in my entire life. Now that I graduated (and have yet to find a job quite yet) I FINALLY have some time to focus in on my personal life again...

I was being pursued by a guy who I thought was really great, and he happened to break up with me out of the blue via text last week after an AMAZING date two nights before (more on THAT in the next post). I have since decided that I am going to do a little dating experiment, that hopefully we will all be the beneficiaries of.

With the help of two very convenient dating websites, and possibly some real-life chance encounters, I am going to spend the foreseeable future dating like a man. (Confession: I did watch that stupid movie "Think Like A Man" this weekend, but I had already thought of the idea before that!) And NO, I will not be sleeping around, I am just going to line up a bunch of dates with different "great" guys and compare and contrast them (and write about it for you!) In fact, I already have a date lined up EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. THIS. WEEK. (edit 6/19: Almost every single night this week, and it's starting to look like it's gonna spill well over into next week too!) I'm going to take a page from the male playbook and not focus in on any particular person until they really prove to be something special. And this is LA, so who knows how long that will be...

I think this strategy will help me in particular because I'm pretty monogamous by nature so when I decide I like someone I tend to get excited and want to move into the "relationship phase" pretty quickly; this doesn't usually bode well with the men-folk. I don't know if you know this, but boys scare easily. ;-)

So, buckle up and let the hilarity ensue!

Glad to be back!
Love, p

Making a List & Checking it Twice

I was going back through my blog yesterday as I was redesigning it...(PS, what do y'all think of the new look?) and I realize that I mentioned a couple people and things that I said I would update on and then life happened, and those people and things just fell by the wayside. So here is a list of all the people I mentioned so far (in chronological order by post) and my "current status" with that person, plus some new (old) additions worth mentioning...

Text Message Blow-off Guy: we're "friendly," I guess. Because we have mutual friends, I sent him a text a couple days ago to invite him to a group thing and he got back to me that he is out of town.
The 3 Bachelors - #1 and I will always be somewhat in touch, recently not that much but that's part of our usual dynamic. #2 texted me to ask me out again and I respectfully turned him down. The chemistry just wasn't there. #3 was never seen nor heard from again.
Mickey - turns out the "Guy who was currently following her around" became her boyfriend and now I barely see her. I am sad that she turned out to be one of those girls who disappears once she gets into a relationship. Not that I can blame her, I have definitely done that in the past, I just try really hard not to do that anymore.
The Ex - haven't had a word of contact since November 1st. I half expected to hear from him on my birthday if he was ever going to make some sort of effort at being friends. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed, but the farther away I get from the relationship, the easier it is, so I know it's better this way.
Pointless Guy - I gave the big update about him in my last post, but since then, no contact as I predicted. Awkward and predictable, two of my least favorite qualities, haha.
Co-worker Guy - Never made it out on Wednesday which was disappointing. But at least he texted an apology and said he'd "be glad to have a belated birthday celebration and make up for it." I texted him back that I was gonna take him up on his offer to make it up to me and that he should pick a night that works for him. So far, no word. Sad face. :(

...and now some new (old) additions:

Yoga Guy -
He tends bar at one of my favorite neighborhood dives (where I used to hang out at A LOT more that I do now.) and we have always had a very flirtatious relationship. It culminated one night a couple years ago when at the end of a long night he told me he was dog sitting for his parents and had to go take care of them before he went home. Did I want to join him? So off we went...I had no idea what I was in store for... We pulled up at a mansion on Lake Austin and two adorable golden retrievers greeted us in the driveway. We played for a bit and then proceeded inside where Yoga opened a bottle of wine. We hung out for a while until we got a "wild hair" and decided to sneak into the neighbor's pool and go swimming. (In our undies of course, no nudity). We had a great time playing in the pool, and kissing a-lot-a-bit and then called it a night. I woke up and found myself next to this lovely man, in a bay window with the sun streaming in and an amazing view of the lake. Yoga made me breakfast and then he dropped me off at my car. We see each other all the time, and yet nothing like that has ever happened again. Still, I only have the fondest of memories of that night.
So, why do I bring this up you ask? Yoga and I ended up hanging out the other night all night again. We had a great time, he is so easy to spend time with. He's the kind of guy you could imagine never having a fight with because he is so laid back. Well, I wasn't really sure where this spending time together was headed, but toward the end of the night he cut me off at the pass and explained that he was definitely interested in me, but nothing could happen at the moment because he is "kinda seeing someone." And that he needed to have a conversation with her to see where they stood. I actually really respect that because that is how I would want a guy I was seeing to treat me. I'm still not sure what's going on but he has been awfully flirtatious on my facebook page over the past couple days...

The Celebrity -
This guy was by far and away the highlight of my week. At above-mentioned neighborhood dive I found him there having a beer all by his lonesome, and since I had ventured out alone too, I just decided to chat him up. I confessed that I had "watching parties" for the show he is on and surprisingly he seemed to find that charming. :) Ladies of Austin, if you have an inkling as to whom I may be talking about let me assure you that his is fully GORGEOUS and gracious up close and in person. We ended up talking for about an hour and he asked me if I would allow him to buy me a beer (!) It was so fun to flirt unabashedly with him (because again, if you can guess who I am talking about, he is most likely in a relationship and we just don't know about it yet). I told him he should make a cameo at one of my viewing parties and he laughed and said he thought that would be fun. Since I know where he hangs I might have to go say hi to him again one of these days...

Okay, wow this post turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought it would be, so that's all for now.

Oh and also, I totally just got busted writing this blog in public today. I didn't realize how flustered I would get to be found out for writing a blog called "Adventures in Dating." Hahaha, I guess that is just another reason why I decided to keep it anonymous and give everyone nicknames.

And Food Blogger guy who busted me...I hope you looked me up and are reading this! And tell your roommates about it too! ;)

Now we're getting somewhere...

If you have been reading this blog on even a semi-regular basis, this is the beginning of the posts you all have been waiting for! And BELIEVE me when I say I have been waiting to write them too...

First, a confession: I caved and finally ended up meeting up with Pointless Guy and as expected, it was pretty pointless. Not only is he awkward but it was obvious to me that all he is after is a hook up. I went over to his place to watch a move...after I made him apologize for the way he had been treating me and especially making him cop to his mishandling of the Thursday night situation. When I got there he was wearing PJs, and then when he started the movie he turned off all the lights and instantly tried to snuggle with me. I played it off pretty well, even kissed him a bit, but ended up bolting pretty quickly after the movie was over. Now, even though I've made up my mind about not being interested in him, I am glad I had the chance to find out for sure. And also, because I didn't sleep with him, I doubt if I'll be hearing from him anytime soon anyway.

Now for the fun stuff...oh, where do I begin...?

I am totally smitten with a former co-worker of mine! We went out for Happy Hour on Friday and then met up again on Saturday night. I think what I like about him so much (besides the fact that he is darn cute) is that we have really great, neverending conversations. There is an ease to our chemistry that makes it feel really comfortable to be with him.
A few early red(ish) flags:
1. He's younger than me (though he told me on Friday he like to date older girls, was that a hint?)
2. He is admittedly anti-commitment (for the next couple years while he gets himself established, so he says)
3. I'm not sure we're more than friends

As they say, "when it rains it pours," and in that vane, I met another great guy on Monday! I ended up having to go to the Cold War Kids show at the Parish alone because it sold out so quickly...so rather than beg people to go with me or sell my ticket, I just decided to get dolled up, go early, and make some new friends before the show started. Success! Mr. Normal walked past me and I instantly decided he was the best looking guy in the room. I grabbed a cocktail, kept my eye on him and contemplated whether I should approach him. After a couple minutes of wavering (slash making sure he wasn't waiting for a girl to meet him) I just boldly walked over and introduced myself. I can usually walk up to anyone in a room and introduce myself EXCEPT when I think a guy is really good looking - so I am REALLY proud of myself for not chickening out like usual. Turns out Mr. Normal and I have similar taste in music, have a good chemistry and had a blast hanging out all night! He bought me drinks, saved my spot for me when I ran to the bathroom (of course I returned the favor), and was just generally a gentleman (and did I mention that he is GORGEOUS?!?). Plus, he got my phone number and even texted me last night to tell me he had a good time with me! We tried to make plans to see each other this week, but we're both busy the next couple days and he leaves to go home for Christmas on Friday...we already have plans for when he gets back! :)

Phewf...okay, so that's a rundown of what's been going on with me for the past week. Oh, and I get to see co-worker guy again tonight! yay!

The Period at the End of a Sentence.

Remember the pointless guy? Well, he continues to text me. In all fairness, until today, I've been responding, so I guess I am helping to keep this whole charade/exercise going...but last night was the last straw.

With maybe one or two exceptions, every single time we have texted back and forth he has initiated. This has been going on for a month now. I was out of town for a few weeks to go home for Thanksgiving and New York, but he knew I was getting back into town this week and we had a pseudo date planned for last night.

When I hadn't heard from him by 6:30, thinking he had forgotten or blown me off, I posted on facebook "I'm bored, what should I do tonight?"

My cousin asked me to go to dinner, a peripheral friend (whom I have been contemplating deleting because he keeps asking me out) asked me out for drinks and pointless boy posted "Shenanigans. Always a good choice."

"Hmmm," I thought, "so he checks my facebook..."

I texted him what I thought was an adorably witty response. "So, what's your plan for the evening? Are you available to shenanigise? (v. the act of participating in shenanigans)." Cute, right? :)

He responded with a series of non committal well I'm doing "this" right now and possibly "that" later. I might be tired. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I said, "That's cool, get some sleep." He immediately asked me what I was doing, I told him, told him to get "un-tired" and come out. He said "maybe :)" Through the next series of texts that I won't bore you with quoting specifically, he ended up going out, and not meeting up with me, which infuriated me.

He then decided to text me this morning to ask if I made it home okay last night. What is his deal!?!? I'm not going to find out, cause I have no intention of responding to his texts anymore. Oh well, his loss. Period.

On a side note, I did meet three impossibly adorable boys last night. One of whom gave me his card (which was very slick in the situation because he was the manager of the restaurant my friend K and I ate at, there was clearly chemistry between us and I was trying to figure out the least awkward way to exchange contact info given our situation...), one of whom immediately friended me on facebook, and the other of whom has my number. Phewf! Dating in the high-tech age is full of avenues for contact, isn't it?

Stay tuned...getting back into the single swing of things is certainly turning out to be fun!